‘Whatever you say or do can and will be used against you’

                                                       

Decades of investigative work has taught me several things about the world and the people in it. Sadly, I have come to realize that people will sell others out if they think it will help them. I had a 97% confession rate that supports this statement. By that I mean, that because of what other people told me, I was able to solve those cases and elicit a confession based on the knowledge that people shared. In each situation, many of them were friends of the perpetrator. It became quite sad. I always started my genuine and caring speech with, “If you know something about this, you better be the one to tell me. No one is going to pay your rent or feed your kids when you lose your job. And no one will keep your secrets if it means not being able to pay their bills.”

Second to that theory is that most people have ulterior motives for the things they do. They will almost always do what suits them regardless of who it hurts. Some are so conniving that they convince even themselves that they are being sincere. They justify the most heinous of decisions based on their own selfish motives. There are exceptions to this, of course, albeit quite rare… especially today.

The number one rule in investigations is to never let anyone close enough to hurt you. Number two, don’t ever let anyone have leverage over you in any way, shape or form. Bottom line: trust no one. You can imagine how a job like this can be isolating. You never know when someone is trying to friend you for your position or if they are being sincere. Far worse than that is that, when you retire, it takes years to unravel that investigator mentality.

Leadership is much the same. When you are in a leadership role, you have to be weary of anyone who may be in a position to benefit from being close to you. You make a lot of fair-weather friends who trade up when they get the chance to friend someone higher than you. People will do you favors, get your coffee, help you with your work, cover for you, let you in on gossip and play whatever role they think you need. They will justify and lie to themselves about why they do what they do. Unfortunately, not all leaders are smart enough to see through it. Their egos get the best of them; their titles mean more to them than the responsibility that comes with it, so the manipulation of a want-to-be friend works against them.

Working in this discipleship program where we help to restore people with life controlling issues, we cannot afford to be less than humble. Our world is nothing less than life or death. One word can send someone into a tailspin and cause them to relapse. When we mess up, especially when we consistently allow a vulnerability to get the best of us, we could easily cause others to stumble and fall. And, in our world, if someone falls, they usually use… and when they use, they can die.

We must speak life. We can’t say things in anger or use words to intentionally harm someone. We must speak in love and with the sole purpose of helping them see the light. Our students already have self-fulfilling prophesies of ‘not being good enough’ and ‘why bother, it won’t work.’ Righteous anger should be used sparingly and as a last resort. We must be willing to lay down our own pride and feelings to save someone’s life because that is what we are here for.

Eph 4:2: “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,”

A leader cannot have favorites, or show favoritism to anyone. What you would do for one, you must be willing to do for the least of these. If you hold someone above others, it leads others into believing that they will never be good enough and it serves to make those you favor think that they are better than those you avoid. This causes division and more brokenness. It is best to be neutral and fair in all of the dealings that you have.

Mat 25:45: “Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’”

You cannot break the rules or undermine the rules to or with anyone. If you disagree with a rule, speak to the one that you disagree with or bring it to the table professionally, but do not allow others, and by that, I mean, coworkers or students, to be witness to your insubordination of your position. If you are still in disagreement, you should consider whether you didn’t choose the wrong purpose in life. Your arrogance and pride could cause someone else to turn away from the only hope that they have of staying free of bondage.

James 3:1-2: “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to control his whole body.”

You cannot say that you are a cop and then behave like a criminal. Don’t claim to be a great leader and then breaks the rules yourself. From using curse words to using drugs or alcohol. You cannot be a hypocrite and use the ‘do as I say and not as I do rule.’ What does it say about you if you would intentionally break a rule and not be accountable for it? At what point will someone call you on it and your double life be exposed?

Eph: 4:29: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Fork tongues are for parrots. Don’t bad mouth someone in front of others then try to be a good Christian with them later. We are all human and subject to our feelings but use scripture to combat your flesh, don’t share your mental battles with the world. It will only reap a harvest of ill will and poison in those around you. Better to bite off your tongue than to allow others to see you as a hypocrite.

Titus 2:10: “As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him,”

Prov 16:28: “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”

‘Whatever you say or do can and will be used against you’ by whomever sees it. They gain leverage over you that can bind you into agreements that you may not be willing to make. How far are you willing to go to avoid being found out?

The safest way to combat being used is to follow my first two rules… essentially, remain above reproach. You must be able to be humble, reliable, trustworthy and respectable in all that you do or you will fall. It isn’t a matter of if, it is when.

A while back now, a staff person made a choice to be a friend instead of being an example of leadership. In his mind, if you don’t look at the clear violation of policy, the choice was fairly innocuous overall. Or was it? It did not include substance abuse… however, it did cause collusion, lies, violation of policy, division among students and staff, favoritism and a whole myriad of fallen ethics. When some saw that one staff knew, and did nothing, many more kept silent. Silence, in itself, is a shady character. The impact, the fall out, was that far too many students and staff were involved and, in the end, everyone had consequences. But the worst consequences of all was that we lost students and staff over the choice that one person made several months prior.

At any point in time, one person could have made a difference and come forward. One person could have been above reproach and set an example for the people around them instead of trying to fit in or be liked. One person could have changed the course of this dark tide that took the lives of many students and staff right out of their final hope.

Think about how many people are caused to stumble and fall due to one person’s failure to be above reproach. Those that see it and do nothing. Those in authority that are being watched when they fail to act. Those students who see the failure to act and decide they can do it too, or worse. Those who lose hope because they see the failure of the system in action. Those that refuse to be responsible for their actions. Those that leave the only place they were safe and learning, back into darkness and bondage.

You think my work world is different from yours and that you don’t have to worry about such consequences in the real world. You are so wrong. I have seen this happen in the real world, in my work world out there. That is what led me to do what I am doing now. I have faith in God and God alone. I know that He can use me for good and not for evil. Just as He can use you… if you let Him. But we are human and must work to be above reproach.