“Children See, Children Do. Let’s Be the Change.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m25VjD0Uz9c
I shared this a while ago and want to share it again. I
think it bares repeating.
We have a responsibility to our children. If we want them to
have successful lives and futures, we must show them that we live by the same
rules, are fair and honest, grace filled and kind, clean living and ethical.
What we do says more about who we are than what we say or the title we bare.
Having children means that we teach them right from wrong, we are consistent,
stable and firm when we need to be.
Any good parent wants to teach their children patience, a
strong work ethic, fairness, integrity, grace and humility. We want them to be
who God meant them to be despite the world that we live in; despite what others
do; no matter who is watching. We want to instill confidence in them. We want
to use praise to build them up; to be there when they need us; to show them that
they have worth in this dark world.
How can we hold them to a standard higher than what we are
willing to live or a principle that we do not uphold? How can we expect them to
succeed if we have not armed them with the character and confidence to fight
the good fight and win? How can we discipline them for wrong doing if we repeatedly
break it? How can we teach them the value of communication; when we fail to
spend time communicating?
Do you use guilt, anger, cursing or neglect to do your
speaking for you?
The other night, it dawned on me that we, my husband and I,
spend too much time on electronics instead of talking. That night, we put the
tablets down, only because the internet didn’t work. But something prompted me
to discuss my concern with him. We talked for over an hour and covered a lot of
ground. It was amazing how much pressure was released from the unspoken stressors
in our lives.
Sure, we discuss them as mini-rants through out our day but
we really never come to resolution on most critical things. But this night, as
we lay down our opinions and delicately peel back the layers to explore our
options, we found conclusions and peace. The amount of relief and bonding that
came from this short time together was priceless. It was something I spoke
about to others because it was so simple and yet had such a big impact!
And then I got to thinking… do you think that this is part
of the reason our kids today are going off the deep end and killing each other,
or themselves? Think about it.
Our world is dark and dysfunctional at best. The economy is
so bad that the rich are getting richer and the poor are working two jobs to
pay the rent. Both parents work, come home exhausted and are okay if the kids
are preoccupied with TV, music or games. Probably very few even eat at the same
time, not to mention the same table. Relationships between parents fall apart
but even worse… relationships between children and parents are broken. These
are the kids who will rule the world. What are we doing??!
Remember when we used to sit at the same table to eat dinner
together with no TV and just real conversation? We talked about how we
were all doing and what was happening in school with our kids? That rarely
happens now, I’m sure.
Conversations are crucial in establishing trust and respect.
But it only works if you are able to earn that trust and respect by how you
react. Our kids need us! They need love, encouragement, to talk about things in
school, the hard stuff, without judgement or drama. Why do you think they seek
gangs? They need others to understand and protect them. WE should be doing
that, not some stranger.
Our family unit has fallen apart. The kids are left to their
own devices. I am not saying that everyone is this way. I am saying that there
is a major break down in communication here. There are morals and values not
being established or being ignored. There are some broken and hurting kids out
there.
I teach, taught, a parenting class. Excellent program called
Active Parenting Now by Dr. Popkin.
There are some great concepts in it
that I think are crucial to raising healthy kids in this dark time.
I love the idea of ‘family meetings’ once a week to discuss potential
problems, current problems and to come up with proper discipline. Yes, the
whole family; kids too. You see, if they get a say in the process and
consequence, and they have input from an early age, they are less likely to
fight the consequences of their actions and more likely to see the value of
living in community with their family.
Family meetings are also great for “what if” games. Ask
them, “What if you friend offers you a joint? What would you say to them?”
These methods teach them to prepare for the worst so they have an out when the
time comes. My 7th grade granddaughter told me her classmate was an
addict and his older brother a dealer. The brothers were smoking pot on the bus
and the bus driver did nothing. Why did she tell me? Because she trusted me. We
established deep conversations, problem solving talks, every day to and from
school.
Another excellent concept, but there were many, was to have ‘family
fun days’ once a week. The family takes
turn picking things to do, as a family. Football, coloring, hiking, etc.
Another spin off is a ‘teach me something’ time. The child gets to teach you
how to play a game one day. You teach the child how to bake cookies or
something the next week.
This establishes bonds that will be hard for outsiders, like
peers and such, to break. It lets them trust you because you do what you say
that you are going to do. It makes them want to talk to you about the small
things when they are little. Then if you respond appropriately, they trust you
with the big things as they grow. You need that to keep them safe. THEY need
that to survive this dark world.
But instead, we have kids keeping secrets from parents and
parents who behave as if they don’t care. Parents are too busy with work, too
tired, too focused on boyfriends or girlfriends or their ‘me’ time. We have
kids being left alone, using drugs to fit in, to numb their insecurities or to
mask their pain from brokenness that they shouldn’t even have to feel. We have
parents too busy trying to survive to notice their kid sinking into depression,
anger or worse.
Our world is broken. The things that we thought that we would
never see as normal are being portrayed as normal on the screen every day. I
don’t want to be a prude but our world is warped now. Sex sells, cursing and nastiness
in songs is considered ‘cool’, cut throat tactics in business is accepted as normal
for corporations. Greed is the standard in our businesses. Strip clubs,
gambling, sex toy stores, cigarettes…
Think about that. Cigarettes are known carcinogens. They are
literally toxic, addicting and cancer causing. Not an if, but a when you
get cancer. Yet, they are legal to sell and use. Why? Big money dictates the laws.
Alcohol too. We know it is addicting. We know people die from it. But it brings
in big bucks. Movies and TV shows are all about sex, violence, betrayal and/or selling
or taking drugs. These things are considered normal now. This is what our
children see.
Darkness doesn’t hide under a rock anymore people. It is out
there in the open for all to see. Just like the movie, “It’s a wonderful Life”
when his world is as if he was never born and sin covers the streets of his old
home town. It is a horrifying prospect and yet, this is the world we live in
now.
Don’t be fooled. Don’t be a hypocrite. Don’t think you can
do it alone. You need to pray for them and with them. You need to bring them up
in a community of Christians with strong values. You need to talk to them. You
need to encourage them. You need to love them. Maybe taking the parenting class
is a good thing too. If you can’t afford it, have a few families over to
discuss it and start a class of your own.
Your children and our future world needs a massive change.
Be the change!
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