‘Whatever you say or do can and will be used against you’

                                                       

Decades of investigative work has taught me several things about the world and the people in it. Sadly, I have come to realize that people will sell others out if they think it will help them. I had a 97% confession rate that supports this statement. By that I mean, that because of what other people told me, I was able to solve those cases and elicit a confession based on the knowledge that people shared. In each situation, many of them were friends of the perpetrator. It became quite sad. I always started my genuine and caring speech with, “If you know something about this, you better be the one to tell me. No one is going to pay your rent or feed your kids when you lose your job. And no one will keep your secrets if it means not being able to pay their bills.”

Second to that theory is that most people have ulterior motives for the things they do. They will almost always do what suits them regardless of who it hurts. Some are so conniving that they convince even themselves that they are being sincere. They justify the most heinous of decisions based on their own selfish motives. There are exceptions to this, of course, albeit quite rare… especially today.

The number one rule in investigations is to never let anyone close enough to hurt you. Number two, don’t ever let anyone have leverage over you in any way, shape or form. Bottom line: trust no one. You can imagine how a job like this can be isolating. You never know when someone is trying to friend you for your position or if they are being sincere. Far worse than that is that, when you retire, it takes years to unravel that investigator mentality.

Leadership is much the same. When you are in a leadership role, you have to be weary of anyone who may be in a position to benefit from being close to you. You make a lot of fair-weather friends who trade up when they get the chance to friend someone higher than you. People will do you favors, get your coffee, help you with your work, cover for you, let you in on gossip and play whatever role they think you need. They will justify and lie to themselves about why they do what they do. Unfortunately, not all leaders are smart enough to see through it. Their egos get the best of them; their titles mean more to them than the responsibility that comes with it, so the manipulation of a want-to-be friend works against them.

Working in this discipleship program where we help to restore people with life controlling issues, we cannot afford to be less than humble. Our world is nothing less than life or death. One word can send someone into a tailspin and cause them to relapse. When we mess up, especially when we consistently allow a vulnerability to get the best of us, we could easily cause others to stumble and fall. And, in our world, if someone falls, they usually use… and when they use, they can die.

We must speak life. We can’t say things in anger or use words to intentionally harm someone. We must speak in love and with the sole purpose of helping them see the light. Our students already have self-fulfilling prophesies of ‘not being good enough’ and ‘why bother, it won’t work.’ Righteous anger should be used sparingly and as a last resort. We must be willing to lay down our own pride and feelings to save someone’s life because that is what we are here for.

Eph 4:2: “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,”

A leader cannot have favorites, or show favoritism to anyone. What you would do for one, you must be willing to do for the least of these. If you hold someone above others, it leads others into believing that they will never be good enough and it serves to make those you favor think that they are better than those you avoid. This causes division and more brokenness. It is best to be neutral and fair in all of the dealings that you have.

Mat 25:45: “Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’”

You cannot break the rules or undermine the rules to or with anyone. If you disagree with a rule, speak to the one that you disagree with or bring it to the table professionally, but do not allow others, and by that, I mean, coworkers or students, to be witness to your insubordination of your position. If you are still in disagreement, you should consider whether you didn’t choose the wrong purpose in life. Your arrogance and pride could cause someone else to turn away from the only hope that they have of staying free of bondage.

James 3:1-2: “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to control his whole body.”

You cannot say that you are a cop and then behave like a criminal. Don’t claim to be a great leader and then breaks the rules yourself. From using curse words to using drugs or alcohol. You cannot be a hypocrite and use the ‘do as I say and not as I do rule.’ What does it say about you if you would intentionally break a rule and not be accountable for it? At what point will someone call you on it and your double life be exposed?

Eph: 4:29: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Fork tongues are for parrots. Don’t bad mouth someone in front of others then try to be a good Christian with them later. We are all human and subject to our feelings but use scripture to combat your flesh, don’t share your mental battles with the world. It will only reap a harvest of ill will and poison in those around you. Better to bite off your tongue than to allow others to see you as a hypocrite.

Titus 2:10: “As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him,”

Prov 16:28: “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”

‘Whatever you say or do can and will be used against you’ by whomever sees it. They gain leverage over you that can bind you into agreements that you may not be willing to make. How far are you willing to go to avoid being found out?

The safest way to combat being used is to follow my first two rules… essentially, remain above reproach. You must be able to be humble, reliable, trustworthy and respectable in all that you do or you will fall. It isn’t a matter of if, it is when.

A while back now, a staff person made a choice to be a friend instead of being an example of leadership. In his mind, if you don’t look at the clear violation of policy, the choice was fairly innocuous overall. Or was it? It did not include substance abuse… however, it did cause collusion, lies, violation of policy, division among students and staff, favoritism and a whole myriad of fallen ethics. When some saw that one staff knew, and did nothing, many more kept silent. Silence, in itself, is a shady character. The impact, the fall out, was that far too many students and staff were involved and, in the end, everyone had consequences. But the worst consequences of all was that we lost students and staff over the choice that one person made several months prior.

At any point in time, one person could have made a difference and come forward. One person could have been above reproach and set an example for the people around them instead of trying to fit in or be liked. One person could have changed the course of this dark tide that took the lives of many students and staff right out of their final hope.

Think about how many people are caused to stumble and fall due to one person’s failure to be above reproach. Those that see it and do nothing. Those in authority that are being watched when they fail to act. Those students who see the failure to act and decide they can do it too, or worse. Those who lose hope because they see the failure of the system in action. Those that refuse to be responsible for their actions. Those that leave the only place they were safe and learning, back into darkness and bondage.

You think my work world is different from yours and that you don’t have to worry about such consequences in the real world. You are so wrong. I have seen this happen in the real world, in my work world out there. That is what led me to do what I am doing now. I have faith in God and God alone. I know that He can use me for good and not for evil. Just as He can use you… if you let Him. But we are human and must work to be above reproach.

Monkey see, monkey do

                                                                     

“Children See, Children Do. Let’s Be the Change.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m25VjD0Uz9c

I shared this a while ago and want to share it again. I think it bares repeating.

We have a responsibility to our children. If we want them to have successful lives and futures, we must show them that we live by the same rules, are fair and honest, grace filled and kind, clean living and ethical. What we do says more about who we are than what we say or the title we bare. Having children means that we teach them right from wrong, we are consistent, stable and firm when we need to be.

Any good parent wants to teach their children patience, a strong work ethic, fairness, integrity, grace and humility. We want them to be who God meant them to be despite the world that we live in; despite what others do; no matter who is watching. We want to instill confidence in them. We want to use praise to build them up; to be there when they need us; to show them that they have worth in this dark world.

How can we hold them to a standard higher than what we are willing to live or a principle that we do not uphold? How can we expect them to succeed if we have not armed them with the character and confidence to fight the good fight and win? How can we discipline them for wrong doing if we repeatedly break it? How can we teach them the value of communication; when we fail to spend time communicating?

Do you use guilt, anger, cursing or neglect to do your speaking for you?

The other night, it dawned on me that we, my husband and I, spend too much time on electronics instead of talking. That night, we put the tablets down, only because the internet didn’t work. But something prompted me to discuss my concern with him. We talked for over an hour and covered a lot of ground. It was amazing how much pressure was released from the unspoken stressors in our lives.

Sure, we discuss them as mini-rants through out our day but we really never come to resolution on most critical things. But this night, as we lay down our opinions and delicately peel back the layers to explore our options, we found conclusions and peace. The amount of relief and bonding that came from this short time together was priceless. It was something I spoke about to others because it was so simple and yet had such a big impact!

And then I got to thinking… do you think that this is part of the reason our kids today are going off the deep end and killing each other, or themselves? Think about it.

Our world is dark and dysfunctional at best. The economy is so bad that the rich are getting richer and the poor are working two jobs to pay the rent. Both parents work, come home exhausted and are okay if the kids are preoccupied with TV, music or games. Probably very few even eat at the same time, not to mention the same table. Relationships between parents fall apart but even worse… relationships between children and parents are broken. These are the kids who will rule the world. What are we doing??!

Remember when we used to sit at the same table to eat dinner together with no TV and just real conversation? We talked about how we were all doing and what was happening in school with our kids? That rarely happens now, I’m sure.

Conversations are crucial in establishing trust and respect. But it only works if you are able to earn that trust and respect by how you react. Our kids need us! They need love, encouragement, to talk about things in school, the hard stuff, without judgement or drama. Why do you think they seek gangs? They need others to understand and protect them. WE should be doing that, not some stranger.

Our family unit has fallen apart. The kids are left to their own devices. I am not saying that everyone is this way. I am saying that there is a major break down in communication here. There are morals and values not being established or being ignored. There are some broken and hurting kids out there.

I teach, taught, a parenting class. Excellent program called Active Parenting Now by Dr. Popkin. 

There are some great concepts in it that I think are crucial to raising healthy kids in this dark time.

I love the idea of ‘family meetings’ once a week to discuss potential problems, current problems and to come up with proper discipline. Yes, the whole family; kids too. You see, if they get a say in the process and consequence, and they have input from an early age, they are less likely to fight the consequences of their actions and more likely to see the value of living in community with their family.

Family meetings are also great for “what if” games. Ask them, “What if you friend offers you a joint? What would you say to them?” These methods teach them to prepare for the worst so they have an out when the time comes. My 7^th grade granddaughter told me her classmate was an addict and his older brother a dealer. The brothers were smoking pot on the bus and the bus driver did nothing. Why did she tell me? Because she trusted me. We established deep conversations, problem solving talks, every day to and from school.

Another excellent concept, but there were many, was to have ‘family fun days’ once a week.  The family takes turn picking things to do, as a family. Football, coloring, hiking, etc. Another spin off is a ‘teach me something’ time. The child gets to teach you how to play a game one day. You teach the child how to bake cookies or something the next week.

This establishes bonds that will be hard for outsiders, like peers and such, to break. It lets them trust you because you do what you say that you are going to do. It makes them want to talk to you about the small things when they are little. Then if you respond appropriately, they trust you with the big things as they grow. You need that to keep them safe. THEY need that to survive this dark world.

But instead, we have kids keeping secrets from parents and parents who behave as if they don’t care. Parents are too busy with work, too tired, too focused on boyfriends or girlfriends or their ‘me’ time. We have kids being left alone, using drugs to fit in, to numb their insecurities or to mask their pain from brokenness that they shouldn’t even have to feel. We have parents too busy trying to survive to notice their kid sinking into depression, anger or worse.

Our world is broken. The things that we thought that we would never see as normal are being portrayed as normal on the screen every day. I don’t want to be a prude but our world is warped now. Sex sells, cursing and nastiness in songs is considered ‘cool’, cut throat tactics in business is accepted as normal for corporations. Greed is the standard in our businesses. Strip clubs, gambling, sex toy stores, cigarettes…

Think about that. Cigarettes are known carcinogens. They are literally toxic, addicting and cancer causing. Not an if, but a when you get cancer. Yet, they are legal to sell and use. Why? Big money dictates the laws. Alcohol too. We know it is addicting. We know people die from it. But it brings in big bucks. Movies and TV shows are all about sex, violence, betrayal and/or selling or taking drugs. These things are considered normal now. This is what our children see.

Darkness doesn’t hide under a rock anymore people. It is out there in the open for all to see. Just like the movie, “It’s a wonderful Life” when his world is as if he was never born and sin covers the streets of his old home town. It is a horrifying prospect and yet, this is the world we live in now.

Don’t be fooled. Don’t be a hypocrite. Don’t think you can do it alone. You need to pray for them and with them. You need to bring them up in a community of Christians with strong values. You need to talk to them. You need to encourage them. You need to love them. Maybe taking the parenting class is a good thing too. If you can’t afford it, have a few families over to discuss it and start a class of your own.

Your children and our future world needs a massive change. Be the change!

For you

A great worship song for those of you who follow me. Thanks for making me feel as if it is worth the time. If just one follows, I know it is worth it. copy and paste to your browser

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGDVlOKoOoE

He Loves me, He loves me not

                                                                                 

When I was a little girl, it was our habit to pick daisy flowers or something with petals and pull the petals off one by one. Each petal indicated one or the other of ‘He loves me’ or ‘He loves me not.’ The last petal pulled was the answer. Typically, we were talking of someone we thought was cute or whose attention we wanted. As you grew up, it was more about love being returned.

About a week ago, as I lay in bed, I battled the same demons in my head. I might as well have been playing that game again. I couldn’t stop asking questions of God and fighting negative thoughts. You know the ones. They tell you that you aren’t good enough. You are doing enough. Why were you chosen to serve God’s people? Who do you think you are? You don’t read the bible enough. You are too human and you feel what you shouldn’t, you think what you shouldn’t, you do what you shouldn’t. And worse, 'why aren't you home with your family instead of here living as you do?' It was one of the biggest battles of my mind.

You see, I love what we do! I spend most of my time doing finances in an office for the ministry, but my favorite time is when I see my students or spend time at the men’s center with my husband who also works here. My heart soars when I am around the students, male or female. When I am there, I have a supernatural ability to ask them questions I, myself, would never ask of someone I don’t know well. And when I give in to the compelling push of my soul, I reap rewards of truth, brokenness and humility from them. They confess their history, their pain, their desire for healing and their need for love. We have deep conversations as the Spirit moves us both through the pain into resolution. They think this session is for them alone. They don’t understand that I gain as much insight and healing as they do. We are all broken to some degree. We all need to seek truth and light to battle what lies ahead.

This world is filled with darkness and danger. People who, in worldly terms say that they love us but have no clue what that means. Their humanness causes pain and suffering to everyone and, I suspect, their history would reveal such pain and suffering as well. Enough to explain the damage they reap on their children and others in their lives.

Eph 6:12: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

But lately, my health has taken a nose dive. My medical has increased to what may be unaffordable. Our finances have been better. My husband is physically broken but refuses to stop working for this cause. (I totally agree but worry about him just the same.) And I wonder how long we can live in this skoolie “The Bus of Hope” at our age. We could never afford to live in a real home here in California. Sometimes, I miss my home. It is selfish, but real to say. I am old. Dry shaving and being cold while conserving electric and such is not an easy life.
 

Missionary work is not for the weak of wallet. 😊 And many of our family members back home are struggling with demons as well. I have beat myself up for being where I am rather than with them. But I know that I am wanted and needed in ministry, back home I would just be a thorn in their side. Sin like the darkness after all. They aren’t ready for the full light yet.

Seems we are under attack in all areas of our lives. Anyone would be bound to wonder if this just isn’t God’s way of sending us packing. Telling us to go home and forget it. Our mistake.

As I came up with new reasons why I shouldn’t even be serving Him, I kept coming back to the same thing.

1 Cor 26-31: “Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” ^d”

And it dawned on me too. It isn’t what we do. It is what we believe. It isn’t by works, it is by grace!

Eph 2:8-9: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast.”

I can do nothing without Him. All of our service is for nothing if I do not believe. Just the fact that I believe and have given my life to Him is enough. My works are a byproduct of my love and faith in Him but they are certainly not why He loves me, has forgiven me and saved me from eternal damnation.

Don’t get me wrong, we can’t just believe in Him and then sit in the dark and continue to do what we do. Once we give ourselves to the Lord, it is natural to desire to know Him and please Him by following His will for our lives. But no one comes to the Lord and then continues to peddle darkness. They desire to produce good fruit that shows their love for the One who saved them. They desire to share the light with those who do not know Him yet and are stuck in darkness.

Mat 5:15-16: “Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

We have to fill ourselves with the light so the darkness that is in us flees and the light can be at home in us. If we don’t read the bible, how can we know how to live our lives and what to expect when He comes again? We forever try to walk in His ways and if we do stumble, we rush to repent and resolve never to do it again. But we will never be perfect and be able to do enough to ‘earn’ His love or our salvation.

I know, I do have a thorn in my side. We all do. There is a good reason for that. It keeps us seeking Him.  It keeps us humble before those who would turn in disgust because of our haughty ways. It keeps us anchored to our lives in Him knowing that at any time, we could fall out of grace and into darkness again.

2 Cor 12:7: “So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.”

People, you are broken. You have a thorn like me. But you are loved and He has given His only son to die on the cross for YOUR sins too. There is nothing that you CAN do to earn that love and grace except come to Christ. But there is much that you can do to show that you are His. Produce only good fruits of the spirit. Share your lamp with others. Repent when you fall and do not seek out darkness. Love your fellow person and show them who lives inside you!

He uses us because who in the world could believe that we, of all people, have had such a transformation? If a preacher repents and comes to God, that is wonderful but not surprising. But if broken, sinful people turn their lives around, well, that is a testament to His power and Glory and Grace, is it not?

We are going to be alright, you and I. We have the power of the Holy Spirit in us.

Broken Vessels

                                                                                                                 

I used to have this image in my head, falsely put there by former sermons and conversations, that true salvation comes in a flash and your entire life changes in an instant. Initially, I even doubted myself because mine certainly didn’t happen that way. My heart was all in and my love for God is as strong as anyone’s, but there were a lot of things that made me feel less than because they didn’t immediately change in me. There were a lot of behaviors and thought processes that were of the darkness that hid beneath the surface and even some that seemed perfectly normal for me. Gradually, over a period of time, these things bubbled to the surface like the impurities that they were.

I will give you an example… maybe a few before this is over. People used to tell me that I had to give up worldly music. At the time of my conversion, I listened to everything. My son had made me a cassette tape of hip hop songs and to tell the truth, I loved the rhythm . I was a fan of almost all types of music. I like Tupac, Snoop Dogg, Lighter shade of Brown  and The Notorious B.I.G right along with blues, jazz, all manner of rock and Christian. I love music. But ‘they said’ music was used by the devil and I thought they were being extreme.

When I first became a Christian… I mean, for real, not the badge wearing, Sunday only member, God started to deal with the things in my life that contributed to my weaknesses. Seems to me the big issues were attacked and eradicated first. I mean, if you are a drug addict, drugs have to go. If you are a thief, stealing has to go. You have to be responsible and  work for a living. You have to do unto others as you would have done to you and so forth. But there are things that contribute to your downfall that you may initially refuse to see. And these things, let me tell you, are seemingly small but powerful enemies.

1 Pet 5:8: “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

Eph 6:12: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

Listen, when God speaks, he doesn’t always do it audibly. For me, there is a subtle nagging that won’t go away. Or He comes at me with an overwhelming compelling urge that makes me feel like an addict must feel when they need a fix… except in this case, He compels me to encourage the homeless, speak to a sad woman, or other good things. Sometimes during worship I am overcome by goose flesh and tingling.  I mean, maybe I am odd, but I don’t think so.

You know how a song will bring back memories of things in your past, good, bad and ugly? Some songs will take you back to a wonderful childhood memory or some songs make you sick because they remind you of someone that hurt you and so forth? Well, I recognized in a very real way that some of these songs also elicit feelings of sexuality and demoralize our behavior. They make wrong seem attractive and elicit feelings of vanity, pride and a power that can corrupt moral behavior.

I used to drive an hour, one way, to work in rush hour traffic, five days a week. That means two hours in the car listening to music. Two hours of my life being influenced by something outside myself. Eventually, and this is weird I know, the words that I was singing, dancing and bee-bopping to started to strike a nerve. Certain songs that I listened to sounded vulgar and degrading to me. I would feel convicted and repulsed by the words they used and would think… why do they have to use that language or degrade women and depict sex in such a hideous way?! I would refuse to listen to it and would change the station. And these were songs that I listened to forever…

One by one, I would remove that song from my listening habits. Sometimes entire radio stations had to go because that is all that they played. Listen, I am not saying that listening to some good ole worldly music once in a while is going to corrupt you. I had to decide for myself what affect the music had on me mentally and physically. I am saying that God will gradually weed out those things that do not glorify Him… those things that minimize your light to others by surrounding you with dark behaviors. (If that makes sense)

But it isn’t just that. Our thought processes can bring us down too. Most of my life I was controlling (distrusting), vain, self centered, lustful, insecure and always trying to fill that void with anything but God. And let me tell you now, brothers and sisters, if you don’t fill that hole with God, there will be a lot of unwelcome demons riding on your back willing to fill it for you.

Mat 12: 43-45: “When an unclean spirit comes out of a man, it passes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ On its arrival, it finds the house vacant, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and dwell there; and the final plight of that man is worse than the first. So will it be with this wicked generation.”…”

Change sometimes doesn’t come overnight. I had to pray and plead with God to take the thorns from my side. He kept putting it back on me reminding me. I felt Him saying that He gave me the ability, the power over temptation but it is my mouth and mind that has to say no to sin. I found that once I successfully said no, I felt the power and gratitude flow through me like I truly had to power to overcome anything!  We have work to do people. It isn’t a magic pill. When you think it is, and you don’t do the deep digging to find the root of the problem, you get sucked back in too easily.

1 Cor. 10:13: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it”

I use this saying for my students who struggle with their thought life… like we all do. “The thoughts that you entertain become your entertainment.” Listen, if men are all that you think about, you are going to idolize and seek out men. If you lust after women, you will entertain the thought and then the actual women every chance you get. If you obsess over your appearance, then vanity will fill your life and break you down. If you have brokenness that you haven’t dealt with, then anything that you try to fill your vessel with will simply spill out onto the ground and you will be right back to square one. If you cannot stop thinking of drugs and alcohol, then you will do what it takes to consume them the first chance you get.

The bottom line is, my friends, when you are truly saved and receive the Holy Spirit, you cannot continue to be in sin. The Holy Spirit convicts you and shows you how to be. God knows that you can’t do it alone. You don’t have the power. You can’t read scripture and expect this magic power that saves you from your thorns. But He does have the power, and if the Holy Spirit is in you, so do you. You have to exercise that power and say no to your flesh.

Luke 10:19: “Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.”

James 4:7: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

There are places that help you do the deep digging. Groundwire.net is a 24/7 chat line. Adult & Teen Challenges all over the globe can take you in and help you become Disciples of Christ and in the process free yourself.

But arm yourself with the Word and He will give you answers.

Joshua 1: 8: “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”

Mat 4:4: “But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”