Loose lips, sink ships or.... the power of the tongue

Disclaimer: This was posted with paragraphs and formatting but this app did not retain them. Can you keep a secret? What if you were professionally trained to keep secrets and partake in covert operations that were of the utmost importance to your country’s security? It would seem to me that if this were the case, you would be less likely to brag about your military prowess or medals even decades after the events. I mean, if your military file is truly mostly blacked out, so secret that, to this day, no one can view the whole thing, it would mean that you were specially trained for such sensitive missions that no one can ever know. Likely, if true, you took an oath. The medals you may have earned were ones that other people had to die for. I have heard of many cases where those who fought would never discuss the war, their service or medals, ever. Their families would only discover it by going through their things after death. I am sure that you have heard of the saying “loose lips sink ships” and many such slogans brought on by World War II. Even now, things that may have taken place are sealed by the oath taken by so many of our men and women who served. Like links in a chain, if one opens up, they all are affected. It is, surely, a matter of honor and reverence for the mission and those who put their lives on the line and, for all we know, still serve, yea? You risk others lives and put yourself in a compromising position if you are willing to open your mouth solely for bragging rights. IF your comrades are still serving, or your operational information might still be useful, people could die. And, when I hear such stories from the mouths of braggarts, I am not impressed. I shake my head, perhaps only in my mind, and think how starved for attention they must be to be willing to forgo honor for the sake of a little attention. I also doubt the truth… because, as I said, I believe that anyone who truly was trained for such things would NEVER violate the oath of secrecy at any cost. And what if the braggart is a liar as well? You see, I tend to think that real heroes wouldn’t brag, but that is just me. Real heroes would sit quietly by and maintain their integrity and honor in humility. They would maintain reverence for the oath that they swore. Did you know that there are laws all over the world regarding military impostors? In the United States, it is called “The Stolen Valor Act of 2013”. But of course, it only refers to false claims that try to profit. It, unfortunately, doesn’t impact people who pretend to have valor. I know, I know, what does THIS have to do with the price of tea in China? Meaning, how is it relevant? Well, on my many God given mental rants, late at night usually, I began to consider something else. What about those Christians who behave other than what is righteous, as well? It happens you know. People are people. People seek attention and for some reason, they want to feel more important than the person next to them. People crave acceptance and seek it in the most contradictory ways. It is important to understand how this impacts our mission. Let me explain. Well, you can’t LET me because you aren’t here to dissuade me… captive audience and all, but here is my very brief summary and then we can dig deeper. 1. I know that the bible is the literal Word of God. This means that nothing can be added or taken away. It is what it is. 2 Tim 3:16: “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,” 2. It is our mission to SHOW LOVE and bring the Word of God to the world so that they might be saved. James 2:8: “If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well.” 3. The worst thing, well one of the worst things, that we can do is to turn people away from God. Usually that means behaving in a manner contrary to His Word/commandments. John 14: 15: “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” 2 John 1_6: “And this is love, that we walk according to his commandments; this is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, so that you should walk in it.” First of all, if you read and know your bible, then you know that the bible, all of it; even the parts we may not like so much, are His Words. He has breathed life into those Words and gifted them to His disciples to ‘feed’ the world. We may want to pick and choose but, if we believe that He has breathed out every word, than it is not for us to decide. It is similar to following the rules of the military or government or your employer. Only in this case, it is dependent on your faith in God, His Word and your love for others. So you are a soldier in His army. As part of God’s army, there are many commandments to keep. One should behave in a manner that reflects love for others and reverence for Him. Love the sinner, hate the sin. I should not deny any part of God’s word to make someone else happy nor should I use His word to beat them over the head with it. I must shine a light in the dark corners of the world to help others find their way… but always with love. The most vital commandment is to Love your neighbor. I always like to talk about how to make a good marriage last. If YOU are putting your spouses needs first, and your spouse is putting your needs first, then you are most likely to succeed because all of your needs are covered. Let’s face it, we aren’t used to doing this AT all. We want what we want when we want it and we feel it is our RIGHT to have it. We DESERVE it. Why should we always be the ones to bend over backwards for someone who fill in the blanks? Our first reaction is the human one because, guess what, we are human. We want to have it our way. But this ain’t Burger King, people, it is life and death. It SHOULD be a Christian life in which our love for others is more important than our own selves. Don’t get me started on the selfish, vain, ‘tell the world about how good I am’ people out there. I will fall down a rabbit hole and you will not want to follow me any more. But let’s just talk about love. If I love God, believe His word and want to save His people then I better understand that I have to die to my own flesh and try my very best to live in the Spirit because no good is in me. Argue all you want, but I KNOW that it is a constant battle up in my head to ignore the initial worldly thoughts in my head and fight to seek the righteousness of God. I don’t care WHO you are, you all got to work on taming the beast that tries to take control of your thought life every minute of the day. Sometimes God makes it easy and sends the Spirit to give you what you need to speak life into someone... but sometimes we must fight against the flesh for it. The evil one does his best to gain a foothold in your thought life. Once he festers in your thought life, he starts to seep out his poison in your behavior and thus contaminates your soul. I ain’t even kidding! We have talked about this before. What you think is ‘justified’ looks more like un-Christian behavior to someone else. Do you know how many Christians turn away from God, blame Him, for the behavior of other Christians? Well, neither do I, but I was once one of them! The actions of a baptist pastor turned me from the church and from God for the DECADES. I was a DEVOTED newborn to the faith and God. I LOVED Him with my whole heart. I craved His word. I was saved by faith by that Pastor knocking on my door with his Christian brother. And just as fast, I ran from that church due to my pastor’s sin, the thorn in his side, his hypocrisy and evil intent. THINK of the lives that I could have impacted for God’s kingdom in those decades that I wandered in the desert! The lives that COULD have been saved. What we say and do can turn others from the Light… worse, can mean their very death, can mean the loss of eternal life. But more than that; we aren’t just talking about those other Christians who need guidance, are we? I am talking about those ‘other’ people. The people that we love to hate or judge. The people that we like to exclude because they are sinning. THOSE people. Well, here we go again… what does scripture say? Mat 5: 43-48: ““You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? ...” I got to remind you, love, THOSE people are the ones that He chose to eat with. Those people had thorns in their flesh and struggled (just like every single one of us by the way) as well. THOSE people are us! WE, though we may like to pretend that we have risen above it all, are still struggling with our own thorns if only in our minds. 2 Cor 12: 7-10: “So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Guess what? I was in sin when I was called and I wasn’t immediately freed from it. Thank GOD for not giving up on me. Thank GOD for sending me good Christian people to mentor me and show me what living for Christ looks like. Thank God that I heard all about the struggle to stay strong in the faith and to fight my thought life every minute so that I can stay in His will. Because it isn’t those who are sinless that we seek. It is those who are buried in darkness and are starved for the light. But how can we show others his love if we behave without honor and humility. (See? I did finally wrap it around) We are His soldiers. We are to fight evil and spread the Light to others so that they may know the Truth. The Truth will set them free. Anything less than that may cause them to lose their faith. Loose lips, sink ships. Cause people to lose their lives, their faith, their eternal salvation. I have seen the beast rear his ugly head inside the most beautiful of Christian people in a manner which could very easily mean death to those in earshot. Do ya know what I mean? If I speak of God then talk down to the broken, whom He loves, how am I any different than the beast that speaks to them in their heads; telling them how they aren’t worthy or loved? How can I hope to save them from darkness and death if I speak out of vanity and pride instead of the love of Christ? Mat 12:36-37: “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” So many people are caught up in darkness and cannot see their way out. I pray that God continues to send them messengers of love and redemption. 1 Cor 13: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a ringing gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have absolute faith so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and exult in the surrender of my body,a but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no account of wrongs. Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be restrained; where there is knowledge, it will be dismissed. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial passes away. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I set aside childish ways. Now we see but a dim reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these is love.”

Blog Formatting error

Please be patient. I DO format my blogs with paragraphs and such but when I post them, the formatting goes away. I have reached out to the powers that be and will attempt to fix it until it is resolved. I assure you that, despite this, my blogs are worth reading. Let healing begin

Do as I say, not as I do

I remember growing up parents would say, “Quit filling your head with such nonsense!” In the program, we always stressed the importance of filling up on scripture and all good things so that they do not become empty, wandering, hopeless and feeling alone in the dark world. You see, they came in that way. They spent much of theirs lives fighting that feeling and failing. If you are empty, you crave to fill yourself up with anything to fill that void. And, to be quite frank, it seems to me that we are magnets to the worldly ways, searching for acceptance and meaning in things that would devour us. We have to work at filling ourselves with higher ways of thought. Especially the broken among us. And once they leave program, if they fail to fill themselves up with goodness, then the world will, once again and more fully, devour them. Many souls who failed to remain in the Word, have passed away from the world that they devoured. Matthew 12: 43-45:“When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, but finds none. 44 Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. 45 Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first. So also will it be with this evil generation.” In program, we require daily devotions and bible classes. It is important for our students to know that they are not alone. That despite what the world has done, what they, themselves, have done, they are children of God and have simply gotten lost along the way. The fact that they have come to program, the fact that you are reading this now, means that, though you may have turned from Him, He has never left your side. I still tell my Trinity that whenever I get the chance to reach her. Colossians 3:2: “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” You will admit, I’m sure, that we tend to search for meaning, for entertainment, for the ‘filling up’ of our minds. Everywhere you look people have their faces in their phones or tablets looking at all kinds of nonsense and believing what they see and read as ‘normal’. ‘Normal’ by today’s standards is NOT necessarily good. People go down all sorts of crazy paths looking for fulfillment. Many paths are wide, but His path is narrow and few will find it. Matthew 7:13-14: “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” Look at the world today. What do you see in the news? What do you experience for yourself? It is so common to see people posting vain photos of their lives; some using their kids as an excuse to do it. We post and report old sayings or something someone else said because we have nothing intelligent to say… so posting something intelligent that someone else says is the thing now. Duck lips photos-they call them ‘selfies,’ are the new norm. As well as shots to show others: ‘see what I did’, ‘look at what a great person I am’ or ‘what I did for someone else’… or even worse, posting about injustices done to you with off handed comments like everyone wants to know your business. It is insanity. Our world is filled with dishonesty and despicable practices that masquerade as normal. Shady business practices, dirty politics, school shootings, all manner of crimes, promiscuity, vanity, overindulgence of our children, lazy parenting, selfishness, greed, filling our body’s with piercings, smoke, drink and drugs… that is all pretty standard in this world but it is NOT good. There is another saying ‘If it isn’t one thing, it’s another.’ In reality it is true. Your head has to be filled with something. “Pick your poison” as they say. So, in program, they learn to look to the bible for comfort and guidance. As old as it is, it is filled with quotes and wisdom and comfort for any situation. Imagine that whenever life throws you a curve ball and causes you pain, your first thought would be the comforting voice of a loved one, instead of ranting and raving on a public forum? Or worse, it is quite common, having no voice of reason in their heads, for people to choose shooting, killing, or hurting others who hurt them. But when you fill your head with righteous, loving things, your heart is comforted in times of trouble. There is a constant reminder of the dangers of not having Christ in your daily life… or in your heart and mind, as we say. 1 Peter 5:8-9: “Be alert and of sober mind. our enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” As Trinity used to say to us, “I am not even kidding!” We have witnessed the heart wrenching truth of those who choose darkness over light. One only needs to look at the state of the world to see it. The worst part is we blame everything on someone else, or the world, or the darkness. In the case of children, it may be true. For most times, they do what they can get away with. But in reality people, WE are the cause. It is our choices, or non-choices, it is our examples, it is the way we live and how we fail to live, that creates and equips future generations… or not. We fail to PROTECT them from the world as well as themselves. Our failure to equip them with such strong Christian values and emotionally intelligent choices causes the chaos that we see today. We say, “Do as I say and not as I do.” That is simply OUR justification for OUR lack of setting a righteous example for our children. DON’T fool yourself. They see what we do and listen to the hypocrisy and realize that if it is okay for US to fill in the blanks, then why can’t they? I was with an abusive husband for seven years. I left and tried to return for a little while but ultimately it failed. After landing in the hospital on life support from her husband running her over, my daughter actually said that she might go back to him. Her words cut to the quick. She said something to the affect of, “Mom, you did it. And I need to do it too. I have to make my own choices.” It is our responsibility to teach our children, WITH LOVE, how to make intelligent choices, how to communicate properly with others, how to forgive, how to respond to the real dangers in the world, how to present themselves and why, the reality of good and evil and the battle to maintain our integrity despite the world… all of it, not just feed and water them like plants. But we don’t even plan when to have babies. They are, more likely than not, accidents waiting to happen. And most parents feel burdened by the responsibility of it… yet it is as if they don’t know where they come from. They continue to reap the rewards of intimacy without wanting the responsibility that comes with the result. So we are lax, over-indulgent, neglectful, too stringent, too preoccupied, or robotic in our caring for these beautiful little minds. And we wonder where we went wrong. WE failed to equip them. We teach them how to talk with and about others. We teach them how to react to problems. We teach them how to behave in various situations, with other people, in dating, in relationships, how to discuss problems, how to argue kindly and effectively, how to deal with adversity. It is a scary thought, isn’t it? Because ‘do as I say and not as I do’ never works. Most times they do as you do. 1 Peter 5: 1-4: “To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder and a witness of Christ’s sufferings who also will share in the glory to be revealed:2 Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away. I encourage you to read all of Titus Chapter 2, but here is the most of it: Titus 2: 1-8: “You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine. 2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. 3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. 6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.” 11 “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say 'No' to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope--the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. 15 These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you.”

For the Broken Souls

I plead with You, Lord for the sake of all who are lost in darkness. Free them. She’s Yours You have Your hand upon her heart. It is Yours to stop or start. You knew her heart would be all in. You knew her love; You knew her sin. You were there; You held her hand with her first cry; with her first stand, with her first words, a heart so true, with her first love; her love for You. When this dark world caused her to weep, You filled her up and gave her peace. Even as it tore her apart, shred by shred it broke her heart; You spoke to her; I know you did! But still, with shame, she ran and hid. But You’ve been THERE inside her life. Watched her bleed and crawl away, Even as her hope lay dying and her will all but decays. You tried so hard; she fought it too, fighting deep within her soul, But her armies were not strong, and her battle took its toll. Lord, I KNOW, below the darkness, under scars and pain and fear, Her love for You has never faded, Buried deep, but it’s still there. Your promise was to keep us all, when we give ourselves to You I watched her ask You for forgiveness and I KNOW her faith is true. NO ONE can snatch her out of Your hand. And as I know you did for me, save her life so she can serve You, Please dear God, just set her free. If it’s Your will, is all I’m asking. If You would spare her from her pain. I cannot fathom what she suffers or how much of her hope still remains. Dear God! I beg Your pardon truly, I have no right but have no shame! Please Lord save her from this darkness Please release her from her pain! It is also that we are weeping, hurting for the state she’s in, sadness from our loss to save her, missing our sweet baby Trin. She’s made a major impact on us, each person that our Trin has met. It breaks our heart that she’s in darkness, feeling broken and regret. Lord, I just keep asking of You, noncommittal on what way, and I will keep on pleading for her until my dying day! She IS Yours, please don’t forget it! Imagine all that she could be! The souls that she could bring to Jesus! Broken souls to be set free! I can see it! Can’t You see it?! All that love she has for You! Buried beneath her guilt and shame, Lord, Help her see this through! I love You, Lord

And Still You Doubt

Because I see u hiding in the shadows, thinking that no one sees, And you keep on taking substances to try to find relief, Or you may vomit what you eat or maybe cut until you bleed, Because you lost all of your hope and you just cannot believe, And so I grieve... I truly grieve Because you think beauty is skin deep and that it somehow passed you by, And so you cover up with products that they sell with one more lie, Or you may be just rich enough to let the knife give it a try, Because you'd rather look good outside than believe I made you right, And so I cry...I truly cry Because you want to do what you want, but you couldn't take it slow, Someone said your special; but it was all for show And now you are left empty with nowhere else to go, Because My Life is not enough for you, your letting your life's blood go, And so I moan... I truly moan Because your childhood was taken from you by the evils hiding there, And so you grew up being hurt and living all your life in fear, And now you can't trust anyone and you refuse to shed a tear, Because you think your anger's stronger than the Spirit I left here, Not so, my dear. My Spirits here You think that no one cares about you and that you are all alone, And so you push people away and just continue on your own, And now you miss out on the love I send through others I have shown you, Because your brokenness surrounds you from the pain that you have known, And my heart weeps. I truly weep I knew you long before you were formed and loved you even then, I shared my Words of wisdom for your guidance and had it put to pen, I left the Holy Spirit here to give you guidance from above I chase you even in your darkness, bringing people filled with love, And still you doubt... what I'm about

Remind me again... regrets

I reach up to scratch my eye and, in the process, discover an uncharted jungle between them. Clearly it has been left unattended for days. I wonder aloud, 'Oh my gosh... how many people have been close enough to me to see that ungroomed jungle of brows?!' It isn't like I don't have time to do it. I used to have a regimen. Like clockwork and sometimes more. I am an extra-ordinary organized person... or I used to be. Schedules, routines, spreadsheets, lists... love them all. But ask me when I last checked the mail, my bills due date, my eye brows, shaved, laundry or dusted.... I just don't recall. This is why I look at all of you out in this world, living your lives, oblivious to what is coming and I just wish that I could approach you with what I have learned, the hard way, and save you the pain and anguish. What would happen if I told that woman over there, right now, about regrets? Or I think, 'Does he know just how important every moment can be, should be, with your kids?' I still picture myself in your place when I look at you all. I see all of my misguided steps and mistakes and... regrets. I always think, as the old clique says, 'if only I had known then what I know now.' Then I wonder... if an 'observer' came up to ME, filled with love and the desire to enlighten and help me along my path at any critical part in my life, would I listen... or think they were rude and give them what for? Probably the latter, to be honest. Believe me, God puts people in our paths, sure enough, but not like a disinterested observer. I can't say 'disinterested’ because God is very concerned for us and He sends people with our best interests at heart. Can you imagine someone approaching you? "Excuse me, This particular time in your life will affect how you feel, how you grow, how you and your descendants live for generations to come. You should think very carefully what you say and do at this point.” Well, at any rate, I don’t have one, an observer, so I have no one that will hit pause and remind me to pluck, shave, dust, take my meds or call a doctor. I simply have to pretend to still have it all together. My cast iron, silver bullet mind has turned quite fluid. It now shares more properties with mercury. Elusive, fluid, fleeting and scattered. This isn’t all that you have to look forward to, you know. Everyone jokes about losing the car keys but we ‘forget’… ha ha get it? … We rarely talk about the moments where we are in the middle of our bank account and can’t remember what we were going to do. Or when you are trying to channel surf and you forget what you were looking for. Or someone asks you a question and instead of understanding immediately what they are asking, you take precious seconds to process what they said and they get impatient. It isn’t because they don’t love you. It is because this isn’t the person that they are used to and now they think you are playing dumb…. Whose playing? It is the slow degradation of our bodies and minds toward death. Nice, huh? I actually now have to intentionally think about all of the things that used to be so automatic that I never thought about them. Like feed the dogs, pay bills, get the mail, check emails and pluck, of course. This daily life stuff isn’t neatly filed away in a cast iron mental chart… it is floating around in the little recesses of my mind and when I try to reach for it, it slips away again… just like mercury. But as I age, and I don’t know if I am the only one, I assume that I am not… As we age, we long to snug up those relationships bonds that have loosened over the years with careers and responsibilities that got in the way. We long to let those closest to us know that we love them… to make SURE that they feel it and know. I feel my mortality in a way that I never have before. The saying ‘One foot in the grave’ comes to mind. I am not being dramatic. I am being real. My continuing list of infirmities make it real. I feel my entire body as it attempts to do what it always has. I feel it when I am not even moving. You tend to look at things a lot differently when your body and mind start to fail you. My work used to take over my life. My pride and judgments built barriers. Material wealth, careers, looks, conquests…. None of this will bring you peace or love. They are all weights that drag you down. But you can’t see that in the moment of pursuit. You see it in hindsight. You see it with age…. Ideally. It all comes down to relationships. Life is a balancing act really. I am constantly critiquing my past choices, from the smallest degree of my thoughts to the largest of decisions. Nothing is sacred. I wonder if it is a Christian thing or if everyone eventually analyzes their thoughts for hidden motives or judgments on every level? I am just me so I don’t know. I spend a lot more time analyzing the real motives of past situations, second guessing judgments, words, actions, choices…. But deeper. Inside. Character. Integrity. Fallibility. Sinfulness. Regrets. I have so many. So…. Here it goes…. At 62, I often people watch. Not as a creeper or nosy neighbor but out of curiosity and concern. I have always been interested in the psychology of people. In my teens, I wanted to be a psychologist. I wanted to dig deeper. I wanted to know the why of what people do and how they feel. I still do. I am grateful that God moved me in that direction. As a minister, I can do the same. I am so grateful that God never gave up on me. I can see a million reasons why he should have. But He gave me One reason why He won’t. Jesus. I watch people and wish that I could impart upon them how crucial life is, to cherish every moment, to trust in God’s plan for their lives, to literally teach their children about their salvation, to choose wisely each path, each reaction, each precious word. I always shake my internal head at myself for all of my wrong choices. Understand that my desire is not to criticize but to save you from yourself. … because I didn’t have an ‘observer’ and the one that tried to guide me (the Lord) I ignored for too long. There truly is a REaction for every action. But further, for every INaction there is a reaction. I truly can’t keep track of which I have more of and I know I will learn all about it on my final judgment day. I will apologize now for making those of you in line behind me who have to wait so long for your judgment day. Along with all of the things that are obvious to anyone, my sins in general, some of my other regrets must be said: • I regret all of the times that the Lord tried to capture my attention and I chose me instead. I gave Him Sundays for a little bit, but the rest of the time, I gave to myself… out of selfishness, ignorance, or any number of human failures that I am. It is a long list. • I regret not praising my children enough. For being so caught up in the rules, making a living, ‘getting things done’ that I was rarely in the moment with them. They were gifts from God and I treated them like property. (They would disagree but it is their love that blinds them from what I feel are my parental failures. Of which there are many) And yes, we have generational curses that will continue because of our failures. Keep that in mind next time you make choices when dealing with your children. • I regret not following the Spirit every time that God put people in my path that needed to be encouraged or loved. Sometimes I was too fearful, selfish, unsure to feed into them. Like Moses afraid to speak up, I let my pride interfere and I didn’t trust His wisdom. I didn’t understand that He would give me the words. And I didn’t have to care what I looked like because as long as I glorify HIM, not me, I plant the seed. He waters. He is the Gardener. I am the Servant. He gave me the gift of seeing the hurt in other for a reason. • I regret not being honest more as the situation warranted. My selfish ambition kept the truth from my lips. Too many times I chose the path of least resistance, especially as it related to my ambitions. The peaceful approach, ‘go along to get along’ is never the answer. It is a cop out. When a wrong is committed it is always wrong no matter who does it or what impact they have on your life, career or health. Love and truth must prevail if only for the good of other people’s souls. And our own. Those watching are more likely to understand Whose you are if you do what is right in the eyes of the Lord. I learned the hard way that His will WILL prevail and I will be happier if I trust in Him and not man. Man will always let you down. Like Jonah and the whale. The course of our lives WILL happen but we prolong the agony by trying to do it our way instead. • I regret being too honest. There were times that I wielded my truth like a sword with the intent to wound, not to to help. I was brutally blunt and rude. I meant to wound and weaken others into submission, not to build them up or teach them out of love. For that, I am so very sorry. • I regret that, at times, I allowed people or things to be my god. That is to say, I pushed God to the background because of my own relationships, because it wasn’t ‘in’. Relationships, jobs, vanity, pride, control, fear… all my constant companions that tag teamed me to keep me distracted from my God. Hear me now, as a Christian, I was too busy putting someone else on a pedestal. Let me tell you, Christians, this is such an easy thing to do in ministry. We hold up the person, we revere the person instead of understanding that the power behind us ALL is God, not ourselves. We read the words but we don’t really HEAR. God is our Savior. People don’t have to listen to Him, that is true. So the fact that they do what is right for your sake is wonderful, but don’t EVER think for one minute that God isn’t the real reason why people are compelled to do what is right. We must have no idols before God. I have so many regrets. Heed my warning. As my life wastes away, and since I started this blog to help you see that God loves you, He never gives up on you and if you are thinking of Him… it is only because He has chosen YOU to follow Him. No matter who you are. No matter what you have done. Let Him in. You can do life without Him but it costs so much more. If you are seeking Him, doesn’t matter where you are at in the scheme of things, it is because He is beckoning you to follow Him. He will give you the strength to walk His path.

The "Less than: List

Another sleepless night. Most nights are like that with exception of the nights when the medications that help me sleep through pain actually works. Such is life at my age, I guess. I lie in bed most nights and repeatedly pray or say the name Jesus in order to lull myself to sleep and try to keep my mind from wandering. Some nights, lately, I lie there and think of all of the bad choices that I have made in my life, how much time that I wasted not following Christ, how many times I failed to follow His calling on my life… you know, all the what ifs that haunt us? You have them too, I suppose? I am not perfect. When people try to compliment me about being sweet or good, I have to try to set them straight. After all these decades, I figured out why people say things like, ‘it isn’t me, it is Christ in me.’ I say the same thing adding that if what was in my thoughts came out of my mouth, they would see that it isn’t me. I could picture some people thinking, “She is NOT a good person. She is still the same as she was when...” Others may say, “Nonsense, you are so sweet.” (Usually my kids :-) And still others may just tell me not to give God a black eye by being less than perfect in front of others. Whatever your thoughts on it, there is a battle in my mind telling me that I am failing, that I may not be chosen and I toss and turn over it until I sleep. So, if you are like me and you doubt yourself or your salvation, this one is for you, too. Even as I write it, it is for me. Again, He compels me to tell you this so that you will know. There are some hard and fast truths that we MUST remember. These are what I must tell myself. 1. God is omni-everything. Omniscience, Omnipresent and Omnipotent. ………….. Ps 147:5 If we know this, then why do we have trouble trusting in Him? Do you think that anything in your life is just too big for Him? 2. Christ loved us all so much that He died for us. ………………………………….. Jn 3:16 He literally chose death to save us, already knowing what we would do and be. All our warts and ugliness are not unknown to God. 3. We are chosen. We cannot seek Him except if He has called us. ………………….Jn 6:43-44 He chose us knowing what we bring to the table. We didn’t ‘find’ salvation. He chose us. We came to Him because we know His voice because we are His sheep. 4. God gave us to Christ and no one can snatch us out of His hands. ………………..Jn 10:27-30 We are on the list. We are His. He sought us out. It is not a mistake. Don’t let the evil one convince you otherwise. 5. None of us are worthy. ……………………………………………………………..Rm 3:9-20 I do not earn my spot as a Christian. I cannot ever be good enough to deserve my salvation. I always feel like I am ‘less than’ but I am still His. None of us are worthy. He loves us. 6. It is not by works but by faith. ……………………………………………………..Gal 2:16 I love him and desire to be better because I am a follower of Christ. Not by my own merit but by His love. It is my love and faith that gives me the desire to not sin. I changed my behavior and choices and now I simply continue to work on my thoughts. I desire to hold my thoughts captive. And frankly, my thoughts like to rebel. I fight them every day. Because we are human, this is always the case. 7. He works all things for our good. Even when it doesn’t seem like it. ……………..Rm 8:27-28 I have trust issues. Even when I stumble, even though I am not perfect and never will be, He works all things for His glory. The things that happen as a natural result of death and sin in this dark world are not the end of the story. All things work for good when we start acknowledging that. 8. Nothing is too tempting that, as Christ followers, we cannot overcome it. ……….1 Co 10:12-13 He gave us the tools to avoid temptation. He KNEW, see #1, that we would need help because, guess what? We are not perfect. We are human. When we stumble, it doesn’t mean that we have been orphaned. See #4. We cannot be snatched but we do still need to make choices that glorify God. Listen, we are and always will be human. I find the older that I get the more fractured my mind works. It is like trying to gather marbles in my hands with one swoop of the hands. It doesn’t work so well. But that doesn’t mean that I give up and call myself done. As the great Mandisa song says, “I’m just unfinished.” So I keep working at it. We all do. I just don’t like to pretend that I have it all together. I want to show you that God chose even me, in my imperfectness. I know so many broken people in this world who think they will never be worthy enough to be saved. Guess what? It isn’t about you. If you love God. If you are thinking about Him. If you believe in Him. If you know the Truth, you are on that list. See #4. You aren’t trying to get into an exclusive club that requires you to dress a certain way, speak a certain language, know the bible by heart and be a perfect Christian. You know why? Because that isn’t the Truth. Regardless of what some misguided souls tell you. He loves you where you are at and you CANNOT seek Him out unless you are already on the list. He meets you where you are at. He is calling you, chasing you and not letting you forget Him because He has a plan for your life and you just need to move towards Him and trust Him and believe. Reread those points up there again, please. Post them on your bathroom mirror. Carry them in your purse or wallet. Write them on your heart until you truly understand the depth of your own calling. Is it a free pass? Yes and no. Salvation is free to those who believe. However, you have some house cleaning to do because your love for Him makes you not want to stand before Him in a sinful state. But He gives you what you need to overcome temptation. See #8. We desire to make good choices and follow His prompting because of His sacrifice and love for us. No one will EVER love you better than Him. Unconditionally.