Nomophobia and other addictions-Parenting 101

Do you wonder why your child/teen doesn’t listen to what you say? Do you get angry because they roll their eyes or completely disregard what you tell them to do? Do they spend all of their time on gaming, internet, smart phones? Do you just not have the time or patience to deal with them when they are like that? Are you equipping them for real life or just too frustrated to deal with it?************************************ So, I have witnessed this crisis in real life as well as researched it some. Let’s be clear from the get go. We, as stupid humans, have taken what was meant to be helpful (initially) and twisted it, like we did medications, television and computer use, into something debilitating. A disease if you will. We now have “Internet and Technology Addicts Anonymous” for such things! ************************************************* 1 Cor 6:12: “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.” ******************************************************* (And people say the bible doesn’t have help for today’s world. Maybe read it and you will know that is a lie.)******************************* According to Exploding topics: • 47% of Americans admit that they are addicted to their phones. • 71% spend more time on their phones than with their romantic partner. • 2/3 of children spend 4 hours or more a day on their smartphones. • Cell phone use causes 20% of car accidents *************************************** Even Verizon has a page dedicated to cell-phone-addiction where they discuss the risk factors for teens: • Anxiety • Depression • Low self-esteem • Introverted • Lack of self-control • issues with impulse control ******************************************** Not to mention their inability to focus on the important issues in life like relationships, chores, homework, mental health and physical activity. School shootings, hazing, bullying, sexting, suicide, self-harming….. ********************************************** According to Gitnux: • 73% of teens ages 13-17 are addicted tot he internet • 71% for ages 18-24 • 59% for ages 25-34 • 54% for 35-44 • 40% for 45-54 • 39% for 55-64 • 44% for ages 64 and up ************************************************** Maybe you have a problem too. (Parental phubbing-ignore kids to be on phone) If you: • Can’t put your cell phone away when you are at home with your family, • If your house looks like you never clean it • If your laundry is piling up around your ears • If it is easier to buy new than take care of what you have • If you ignore the kids when they are asking you questions • If you are spending more time looking at social media than interacting with your family ****************************************** We, as a society, have a general ability to overindulge and abuse the things created that were, initially, meant to help us be entertained, to connect, to cure… Don’t get me wrong, the creators themselves realized what they had and used the platforms to entice people to use them more, even to the point of ignoring risk factors, burying findings, adding chemicals (cigarettes), creating rabbit holes, monitoring your clicks. ****************** But I want to talk about a major factor that few studies seem to be talking about. Let’s ask those same questions that I first asked in the opening: Do you wonder why your child/teen doesn’t listen to what you say? Do you get angry because they roll their eyes or completely disregard what you tell them to do? Do you just not have the time or patience to deal with them when they are like that? ******************************* Somewhere along the way, in your life, you decided that you wanted children. Like it or not, by giving birth, you signed an unwritten contract. You essentially promised to love, cherish, guide and shape those little ones to grow into God fearing, independent, loving creatures who are able to lead a productive life in society. ************************************************** Psa127:3: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” ************************************* We have a failure to parent AGAIN. Look. We can’t keep blaming other things for our failure to parent. I mean, this new phobia and addiction is real…. But how was it ALLOWED to get that way? We used TV as a built in babysitter, but now it is social media. And parents love to quote, ‘do as I say, not as I do, I’m the adult.’ But be real. You are the problem. You are the parent. You do have the ability to control the outcome but it is easier not to. *************************************************************************** What does that say about your priorities? We have a bigger problem here when parents fall into this addiction because who among us is able to be a consistent and strong role model if they can’t discipline themselves to be present in their own homes? If you lack the will power to put down your phones, how can you expect your kids to? Yes. You are the adult, but if your home is falling down around your ears and your kids are demanding their internet or phone time, yet not pulling their weight… are you a good example, or the cause? Are you interacting with them, keeping them busy, following through with their homework from school, checking on their chores, asking about their day, their friends, checking what they are doing? ****************************************************************** Listen, if your house is falling down around your ears, your kids are failing to do what they are supposed to be doing and have an attitude, your patience is wearing thin because you keep getting interrupted on your phone…. You need to understand that this is what you singed up for. YOU are the parent and it is YOUR job to control the negative influences in your child’s life. YOU are supposed to be a positive role model…. Not a negative one. If that is the case, never say, ‘Don’t do as I do, but do what I say.’ ******************************************************** You may be strong in some areas but as I said, do a full evaluation here. Be honest. Are you doing YOUR best or are you distracted too? I will ask again, are you equipping your children for real life or just too frustrated to deal with it? ************************************************ Prov 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” ************************* Role model: Do you SHOW your children: • How they should behave • How to communicate properly in every setting • How to properly and consistently do their chores, not surface clean • How to help clear dishes after dinner • How to care for each other and their animals • How to greet and interact properly with guests • How to take pride in their home, academics, physical and mental health • How to be discerning about other people • How to have emotional intelligence • How to resist temptation and flee from bad company • How to have self control • How to find motivation when your are struggling • How to overcome trials • How to find peace • How to enjoy reading • How to find your self-worth, not in your looks but in your heart for others • Are you sharing the bible in your home or just ‘churching’ it? *********************************************** Deu 6: 6-7: “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” *********************** Prov 13:24: “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” ******************************* 2 Tim 3:14-15: “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” **************************************************** We all want your children to become productive citizens, helpful spouses, gifted parents, loving Christians, emotionally equipped adults. But that lies in your hands not societies. ************************************ I am compelled to address this because it is becoming common place to blame factors outside of ourselves for (the lack of) parenting our children. Dig deep. Fix it. For their sake and ours. ***************************************