It is just turning 6am and I should be in bed. The
good Lord chose to put a burden on my mind from yesterday and, frankly, I am
trying not to ignore Him as things don’t go well in my heart when I do. I love
sleep. For many, many reasons, I need rest. But this isn’t about me.
Folks, wouldn’t you agree that we are on a journey?
That journey starts the minute we are born and only the Lord knows when it
ends. Along the way, we accumulate things that we think we need and want in our
lives. Some of these things may truly be life savers depending on where we
live. For example, in Wisconsin, I needed winter gear. I remember wearing those
cool parkas, which were, by the way, the greatest jacket ever for cold weather.
It wasn’t a fashion statement; it was necessary to survive. When I moved to the
valley of Arizona, I was able to shed a lot of the things that I had. I didn’t
need winter gear any more. I went from -10 degrees in the winter to what… an
average of 50? For time sake, let’s not
park it there or worry about accuracy.
Our lives can take us a lot of places and make it
necessary to accumulate things. The problem is, the older we get, the more we have
accumulated and the less likely we are to recognize when it is actually
weighing us down more than helping. After all, I am going to be 59 real soon.
In my youth, I could carry a whole lot of luggage and shoulder it like a champ.
I was stronger, tougher and ready for anything the world threw at me. But
between then and now, I had to shed some of that stuff because I just couldn’t
hold on to it like I used to… and I find that lightens my load, so to speak, in
so many ways.
One of my earliest memories of collecting baggage is
when I was about five. Christmas was all about the presents then. We were a blended
family. My sisters and I were the ones to join another family in their home. I was the youngest of five
girls at that time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my step family more now than
ever. I see them for the loving people that they are.
Anyway, that Christmas, I got a fake set of doll luggage,
a stiff Barbie that didn’t move and a doll as tall as me… well, almost. I felt
so special. I had no use for the Barbie because I couldn’t make her sit down to
tea. (Her legs and arms didn’t bend back then.) The big ‘Susie’ doll was my
prize possession. Her arms and legs didn’t bend either but I knew that she was
going to be my friend. The luggage was empty and I owned nothing to put in it…
but I did find something.
You see, my step-sister got a Suzie Homemaker doll
and an easy bake oven… if I recollect correctly. Even at that age, I was
envious.
Shortly after Christmas, my presents disappeared. I
looked everywhere for them. I asked where they went. I probably cried. I
obviously got no answers. Until one day, a long time later, one of the sisters
needed to get into the attic. I was upstairs at the time. The attic was off the
top step behind an angled door. When she opened it, there she was; my doll.
I can’t tell you what I said or did. But I can tell
you that I found something to put into my luggage. It was probably the first
time that I recall feeling like I didn’t belong and wasn’t wanted. So my little
luggage set was filled with loneliness. I envied my step-sister for what she
was given but more than that I started to see my place in the ‘belonging’
order. I was a Germaine, not of their blood. I was an orphan in the parent’s
minds. I didn’t belong.
Over the many years, I have accumulated lots of
luggage. And as I have gotten older and more observant, I notice your baggage
too. I would say that because of some of my baggage, I have learned to
recognize the baggage (or wounds) in other people. That is what holds us
together and also is what separates us from each other. Let me tell you, some
of that baggage can be detrimental to us and our relationships.
As I journey through this season in my life, I would
like to say that all of my baggage has been cast away. But like the thorn in
Paul’s side, I have learned that that is
not the case. Old habits die hard when we struggle with the flesh and we are
doomed to do that until the day that we pass on.
I would rather have the thorn to be able to speak
into other’s lives about theirs with honesty, empathy and love than to ever be
free of it all and forget where I come from.
2
Corinthians 12: 1-10: It is necessary to go on boasting. Though it is not profitable, I will
go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. 2 I
know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago (whether in the body or out of the
body I do not know, God knows) was caught up to the third heaven. 3 And
I know that this man (whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know,
God knows) 4 was caught up into paradise and heard
things too sacred to be put into words, things that a person is not permitted
to speak. 5 On behalf of such an individual I will
boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except about my weaknesses. 6 For
even if I wish to boast, I will not be a fool, for I would be telling the
truth, but I refrain from this so that no one may regard me beyond what he sees
in me or what he hears from me, 7 even because of
the extraordinary character of the revelations. Therefore, so that I would not
become arrogant, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to
trouble me—so that I would not become arrogant. 8 I
asked the Lord three times about this, that it would depart from me. 9 But
he said to me, “My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness.” So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the
power of Christ may reside in me. 10 Therefore I am
content with weaknesses, with insults, with troubles, with persecutions and
difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.
Listen,
yesterday was a hard and heavy day. I won’t go into it here, but the reality is
that some worldly baggage is hard to surrender. When I thought about some
conversations that I had at length with some of the men, it dawned on me that
they are still gripping their baggage with all of their might and unwilling to
let it go to free themselves. It is their protection, in their minds, their
strength like Samson’s hair, their control. They justify that and don’t
recognize that they still haven’t surrendered it all to God. They haven’t
completely trusted Him yet. They are more worried about where they stand on
earth with others than where they are in death.
I am
reminded of the vast differences between Christ’s mentality of grace and love
and prison mentality of power and control, for example. (Disclaimer: This is imagery for the purpose of teaching, not the messed
up system we have in the world today.)
People
in prison have very few possessions. They better learn real quick how to cover
their backs and be feared and/or respected or they literally won’t survive. So
what they do is they become necessary. Some have strength and physical power
and can offer protection. Some are able to wheel and deal, buy and sell and
become necessary to support the habits of others. Where in the world that might
mean drugs, in prison it could mean cigarettes, toothpaste and homemade
weapons. Apparently, we still have that fleshly desire in us here as well.
After
a while, this mentality becomes second nature. It is your baggage. It is your
armor and protection. It is necessary in prison and the streets. The longer you
live this lifestyle, this culture, the more it is embedded in who you are.
What
you totally didn’t see behind the
curtain… is you are being played. There is a very real Spiritual battle for
your soul going on. You see, the whole time that you thought you were in control, when in fact, satan
had that luggage weighing you down so that you couldn’t go anywhere. The deeper
you got into the mess of what you were doing, wheeling and dealing and hurting
others, the more weight you added to your burden. Guilt, shame and a total
sense of power and badness overcome you. The deeper you went into sin, the
farther you got from God. But that isn’t what you saw. Despite your blindness
to it, that is the end all game that you didn’t see playing out! That is the true battle. While you were playing
survival games in the world thinking you were winning, satan was hanging onto
you and laughing at the mess you made.
So
when you enter into a program where contraband is not allowed; the drugs,
weapons and street language, the very stuff that you used to identify yourself
with, it is a hard transition. But the very baggage that kept you alive in the
streets or in prison is the very same baggage that is weighing you down and
holding you back from healing, finding the love of Christ and peace for once in
your hard life.
Psalm 55:22: Cast your
burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never
permit the righteous to be moved.
When
you came to program, you were broken to a point that either you were forced to
come or you just couldn’t go on in addiction and brokenness any more. You came
to the right place. You had no structure, no real responsibilities, lost most
of your family ties due to your behavior and choices, probably lost everything
that you owned, especially relationship. You were a hot mess.
Guess
what? In order to help you become who you were meant to be, we first have to strip you of the baggage that is
weighing you down and keeping you in hell with the evil one. Can we do that by
letting you keep your prison mentality of wheeling and dealing contraband? No.
In
order to help you become who you were meant to be, so that you can have peace
and be truly free, we have to reintegrate you into the world. It isn’t an easy
task. To do it, we have to slowly introduce Christ, structure and
responsibility to your life. And to do that,
we first have to strip away the worldly ways that are weighing you down. We try
to do this in love and with the aid of the Holy Spirit. What seems like petty
crap, is actually a way to strip you of something that you just won’t let go
of.
Hebrews 13:17: Have confidence in your leaders and
submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who
must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden,
for that would be of no benefit to you.
That
means you have to look deeply at all the baggage that you have and
see it for what it is. You have to be willing to surrender the baggage that has
been keeping you in bondage. Do you understand that you have to give up your
individual power and control in order for Christ to do a work in your heart?
You can’t come in off the street and try to use street slang and a prison
mentality, son. You must be willing to open your heart and let go of that
hardness and trust God!
Matthew 11: 28-29: Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you
rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am [a]gentle
and lowly
in heart, and
you will find rest for your souls.
You
are safe here. You are loved here. There are clear guidelines
to help you learn structure and responsibility. We not only expect you to have
grace and love for yourself but we expect you to have it for your brother. If
you come in start slinging dope or any kind of banned contraband, behavior or
speech… you can cause a brother to stumble. And just like in prison, their very
lives, their very salvation, depends upon what God has for them. When you cause
your brother to stumble, it could easily mean his death in the world and his
eternal damnation.
Romans 14:13: Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another
any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance
in the way of a brother.
A dear
friend said, heartfelt but not literally, that she would run them over if they
left because she would rather they be dead while a believer than allow them to
die in their sin. That is how we love you. That is how you are expected to love
each other.
But
you can’t if you hang onto your insecurities, disobedience, guilt, shame,
street slang, prison mentality and all the things that weigh you down and chain
you to the evil one and keeps you from reaching Christ. You must surrender it
all!
And
brother… if you see that someone is causing others to stumble, it is expected of you to set them straight by speaking
life and love into them, not to silently acquiesce. Tell them to confess and
repent! My God, literally, you aren’t
dealing with minor infractions here. You are dealing with sin and sin keeps you
from Christ. Sin keeps them in darkness. Sin keeps them in bondage and prevents
them from truly being freed.
James 5: 19-20: My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the
truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a
sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a
multitude of sins.
He loves you
unconditionally so straighten up!
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