Results! I am scheduled for the angiogram/plasty for Monday Nov 30th at 8am. Please keep us in prayer. Especially those in my family who have tender hearts and will worry.
Update to the Update: Just finding out which insurance will cover this is causing a delay while my symptoms worsen. Today is a bad day. Please continue to pray for resolution. I don't want complications while I wait. They want to get me in on November 30th. (I have been on hold to find out which insurance needs to approve it for over an hour.)
UPDATE:
Sooooo, I found a cardiologist and I owe the anesthesiologist and my primary doctor a big thank you. I had an awful stress test where they give you chemicals instead of the tread mill. Long story short, my Cardio doctor said that I have a blockage in my main left anterior artery. He called it the "widow maker." He did say that mine isn't an emergency. (Essentially because I have not had a heart attack, I imagine)
I need to have an angiogram to map the area first. This is when they stick a needle in your groin, or now a days, your wrist. They send dye into the heart to map the blockages. then they do an angioplasty, possible stent to improve the blood flow. Worst case scenerio, if there are too many blockages or whatever else may deem it necessary, they will have to open me up to do a bypass. (I doubt it will come to that.)
I know it sounds strange but thank GOD they refused to do abdominal surgery and made me go to the cardiologist. And thank God the test found it! I don't want to know what might have happened had they done the abdominal surgery without knowing of my heart condition.
But it gets better. I couldn't figure out why I didn't qualify for Medi-Cal back in August through all of these appointments because that is when our income went down. Covid took my husband's handiman jobs and my income went down by half. Turns out Covered California didn't remove his income. I contacted Monterey County and they investigated. They said that we were eligible and they would make us eligible retroactively back to October 1st when we should have been on it. Not only that, but because of my heart condition, they are going to rush approval.
This is tricky because we are trying to schedule me for the angiogram, angioplasty or whatever ends up being needed. So in the midst of getting approval from my medical company, I am actually switching so that I won't go broke trying to make payments for all of the medical appointments it has and will take.
People, this situation has looked so dark and bleak to me. I am a very active person. I do not like sitting still. I used to run the stairs at work just for fun. I have been muddle headed, dizzy, short of breath and all of the standard heart failure symptoms. At the same time, all of my EKGs and blood pressure tests have been normal. I finally googled if it is possible to have a blockage or clot and still have the EKG come back normal. Then told my doctor that it is.
Did you guys know this? This is important because many doctors may not realize this and may not refer you for a stress test! I was being told, by my primary doctors, that heart failure symptoms don't come and go. People. They do! They fluctuate in severity until it is too late and you end up with a heart attack!
Back in September, my symptoms were so bad that I couldn't stand up without nausea and dizziness. I couldn't eat but a 1/4 of what I normally would. My heart would pound and flutter like it was working over time while I was laying still. I had pulsing headaches where the veins outside my skull felt like they were going to explode and one had a bruised area at the top of my head. Then that tapered off and I almost felt normal but for the dizziness and shortness of breath. (And pulsing head thing if I was too strenuous.) I started to even doubt myself. That is why I expected an all clear from the cardiologist.
I know there were people, very dear to me, who doubted there was anything wrong because of how long it toke to find. I mean, I had to make the decision not to drive months and months ago because of the dizzy spells. So even the best of people couldn't see the truth of it. Plus, I was isolated and they couldn't see the result of what was happening to me. I wanted to just stop going to the doctor again. Stop spending money I don't have to spare. Go back to normal. But I had no choice. My physical life is totally under attack. I couldn't even fake normal if I tried.
But God. He has perfect timing! Just when it looks darkest, He shines His light and reveals the truth. He knows what we don't. So when things aren't working right and there are delays and disappointments and changes, trust that He is in control. That is the only thing that has kept me going.
When I finally had to tell my kids, they were worried. I had to remind them that God doesn't go to such great lengths to reveal a truth just to let you die. He doesn't say, "Okay, there is your miracle. You have an answer. Now you can die." He led them to the reason so that I could be saved and continue serving Him. This I fully believe. But, in the event that it is my time to go. Then it is my time. His will be done. Amen?
I am asking for your prayers that the approvals happen quickly and the procedures are successful. I want very much to be a normal wife and employee again. But mostly, allow others to glorify His name through all of this. Because no matter the outcome, God is so very good!
Original post below:
I don't normally do this but I think that sharing when God shows up is important. In order to see it in its true light, you have to see how dark it is first.
My physical body has been ailed by many things in my lifetime and in almost every way but despite that, I have been in pretty good form. Since my twenties, I have had allergies to everything including mold, adenomyosis, ovarian cysts, hypothyroid, chronic sinus infections and bronchitis, walking and regular pneumonia, chronic IBS and diverticulitis, stomach ulcers, non-pitting edema in my legs, a horrible bout of cdiff, four surgeries to remove squamous and basil cells that continue to return all over, and basically three - four pages of unresolved issues to date. Nothing that kept me from functioning.
Since about January when I was horribly ill with a respiratory infection, I have suffered a strange plethora of symptoms that we have not yet nailed down. I have had repeated infections, massive stabbing pains in lymph nodes, symptoms of heart failure but ekg and blood tests show nothing. Major swelling and stabbing pains throughout my abdomen but no (continuous) blood or obvious answers there either.
To make it easier for me physically and financially, I had to be dropped down to 20 hours a week because it hurts to sit up so long. It pushes on my groin areas and causes more pain. This isn't ideal as Covid has all but diminished my husband's handyman services. However, it did qualify us for a little better deductibles.
It is partly my fault because my insurance was so inadequate that, once I spent almost $3000 in January for my allergy and ob/gyn consults, I decided not to pursue the abdominal issues. Then, in time, the new symptoms appeared.
I have been in tears because, at times, my primary doctor was dismissive and didn't pursue anything. I have since gotten an amazing ob/gyn and primary who are pursuing it. Then I was in tears because of the abdominal pain and my refusal to take pain meds. (We settled on gabapentin) And finally, they scheduled a diagnostic surgery to biopsy my abdomen to, hopefully, find answers. Or so I thought...
The anesthesiologist refused to proceed with surgery on October 29th due to my unexplained heart or lung symptoms. We were trying to get it done before the end of the year, while I still had okay coverage. I had received a notice saying that it is going up next year. They told me this the day before my surgery. I, once again, was in tears.
So far, I have been referred to two cardiologists and had appointments for them, neither of which I could take because my doctor referred me to out of network cardiologists. Once again, yesterday, I asked the office to double check that they were covered before the doctor sees me and they weren't in my network. Until I can get to a cardiologist, I am unable to move forward with the diagnostic surgery. Again tears.
I am not a baby. I don't have crying fits over nothing. But to put it in perspective, since January, I have massive swelling and stabbing pains all over my abdomen 90% of the time. It is swollen to the point that it hurts for a pillow to rest on it, to wear pants or undergarments and gets worse when I move about. The stabbing is not limited to there. It actually started in my arm pits and continues. This has been going on so long that I won't drive because of the dizzy spells. I don't know what it is or what causes it so I won't risk it. And, to make it worse, the reason I exist, the reason I am at TCMB is to love on students and staff. But I have to work from home and haven't had a lot of contact with them since this began.
Two things that I have been telling God: I ask Him to give the doctors supernatural compassion, vision and discernment. Secondly, I ask Him to hit me with a brick.
In other words, I want Him to make it obvious that I should continue pursuing help about these things because, if they subside for long enough, I won't, just because of the cost. He knows this. I need to be sure what is from Him and what is my own doing so making it irrefutable is the best way. thus, 'hit me with a brick.' I suspect the pain is there so that I cannot ignore it. Just when I think that I am getting a reprieve from it, the stabbing returns or the shortness of breath or the dizziness, etc and I am reminded that I must continue moving forward.
Now, mind you, since Oct 1st, my Oct 29th surgery was postponed, two of my cardiologist appointments have been cancelled due to lack of coverage and I sit here, after a good cry, and say, "I trust you, Lord. You know what I don't." My husband is sympathetic and thinks I am amazing for holding it together as well as I do considering. But yesterday, even he had to have seen it.
Yesterday, after crying about not having a covered cardiologist, my hubby and I checked into our medical for next year. Starting in January, we qualify for Medi-Cal again. This means that my 'okay' coverage will be even better. I won't go broke trying to decide what appointments to keep. I don't have to cry if I don't get into the cardiologist or surgery right away.
My bottom line is this: Just when you think that it can't get any worse, it still may. But God sees all things past, present and future. I have a tendency to run ahead and think I know things or need to do things that He hasn't done yet. but because I ask Him to hit me with a brick and stay with me, He holds me back and doesn't give me a choice but to follow His lead to a better resolution. All the waiting and delays and disappointment felt insurmountable at times. But I kept the faith, after a good cry. While dismissive doctors, cancelled surgery and failed attempts at cardiologist appointments may feel like the last straw, if we leave it to Him, we will, in the end, be better off for it. Even when we cannot see how. THAT is the essence of trust.
If we trust what we can see, what good is it? Faith is trusting in what we cannot see in our darkest moments when all feels lost.
Keep the faith people. I love you all.
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