Matthew 16:25: “For whoever wants to save their life will
lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”
No greater truth than
this is more evident, when we have lost another soul who did not surrender it
all.
We have had another death in the family and it
breaks my heart. We mourn when we lose one of our own… especially when it is so
unnecessary. One of the hardest parts of the ministry (Adult & Teen
Challenge USA) is when students leave before completing. That sounds foreign to
many of you who don’t understand the inner workings of such a program, I know.
I used to be you. Questions and statements like:
“Well, if
they think they are ready, why stop them from living their lives?”
“How can you assign a time to it? It is just a
program.”
“Not everyone needs the entire program. Everyone is
at their own level.”
“Our family needs the income he/she brings in.”
“Our kids need their mommy/daddy/boyfriend/girlfriend.”
“I miss my husband/wife and want him/her back home.”
“I don’t like that it is a Christian program, we are
fill in the blank-Mormon, seventh day evangelist, Jehovah Witness, pick your
faith”
While some of those statements do have an element of
truth to them, there is a reason why it is a 13 month minimum program. There is
a reason our students decide to stay
for years, instead of just one. There
is a clear method to what appears like madness to outsiders. And if you were to
educate yourselves, like I have by being around it, you would totally
understand.
You see, it took a lifetime of broken souls, bad
habits, wrong thinking, accepted values, poor life skills, bad communication
skills and the like, for them to become who they are today. Many suffered from
defective parenting, abuse, neglect and even, more commonly, evil interactions
with people who stole their innocence, typically followed by family who refused
to believe them and condemned them for lying when it was truth. Large
percentages are literally orphans who somehow, no matter how hard parents may
have tried, felt loved or like they belonged because of the stigma attached.
Some just turn to drugs or alcohol to fit in and
party with everyone else. Call it ‘normal experimentation’ or trying to find
themselves or perhaps even deeper, a desperate need to belong because of a lack
of self-esteem that they would never admit to anyone else. But in the end, they
can only find their courage and happiness at the bottom of a bottle or the end
of a needle.
Come on now, people. That takes some true defective thinking
over a long period of time. A life time of bad programming will not be undone
by the flip of a switch. So you may see why a 30 day program that has once a
week sessions and gives you more medication doesn’t begin to scratch the
surface of why we do what we do and how to fix it. Memorizing steps to freedom
doesn’t set you free or teach you how to fight against the darkness and
addiction of this world. And, I am not going to stand in front of a
bunch of strangers and share my inner most damage so I can work through my real
issues. I doubt that many others will either. I need one on one heart to
hearts, getting right with God and a total understanding of who I am, who I am
supposed to be, what I can do and how to live my life to make that happen.
We hear all of the struggles from the students when
someone at home pressures them to leave. They literally cry about it. They already struggle
with leaving their kids behind. They are torn about not fulfilling some duty
that someone holds over them. Real life issues like feeding their kids, helping
take care of them and holding down a job plague their ability to focus on themselves. They are broken about things they
have done, and now, they are tormented by what they are not yet capable of
doing for you.
You must understand they are not capable of doing
any of those things successfully and safely. They are broken addicts that were
simply a warm body to fill that void in your life.
Our desire is to help them be the person that God
meant them to be so that they are truly healthy and safe to do all of the
things they weren’t meant to do in life; for themselves, for you, for their
families, for their church, for their jobs. We want to help them become
productive members of the community in your life.
Sadly, the families or friend’s own desire ultimately
pressures the student to leave early. I have seen women cry because husbands
guilt them to come home and take care of the kids and be a wife. I have seen
men cry because parents disown them because the program isn’t their parents ‘religion’
and they have to leave so their mom will still love them. I have even had women
take their husbands out of the program because they want to get high with them.
And wives have taken their husbands out because they don’t trust them in the
program; they have no control over them there.
As a result, some students who went home fall right back
into addiction and died of an overdose. I know those who chose to take their
own lives because they couldn’t cope. I know those who lost their life in a
most violent manner because they went back into the mean streets of drug
addiction. I have witnessed first-hand those that left midway into the program
and came back lethargic and zombie like. Unable to think, talk or react in the
way that they used to; unable to program because their mental capacity was shot
out.
I have success stories, so many more success stories
of those who returned. Some who left and returned several times: One woman left
the program three times before her husband finally figured it out and let her
complete without guilting her. She survived. Now she ministers in a church back
home and dedicates her life to serving God with her husband and children. One
man left of his own accord 7 times before completing and becoming a live in staff
person who ministers to others now. And still others who, though they leave, we
planted a seed and they come back ‘home’ to finish the work that God started in
their lives.
You see, when you spend your life seeing yourself as
a loser or ‘less than’ and are finally shown who you were meant to be, it is a hard image to forget. God has a plan and
purpose for all of our lives but many of us ignore it or life beats that idea
right out of our heads. We simply allow God to work through this program to
show them who they were meant to be and teach them how to live a better life.
The key is surrender. The student needs to
completely surrender to God and allow Him to transform their lives. The
family/friends need to surrender to the inevitability of either the student
surrenders to addiction or to transformation. One leads to death, the other to
life eternal. It really is that simple.
I want to applaud all of you who fully support the students in their quest to live a better life and break free from defective thinking. I want to ask for favor in the lives of those who refuse to enable the student in their addiction and insist that they stay in the program; who love and support them emotionally while they are in the midst of the battle. Those of you who fight along side them, encouraging them and understanding how not to add to their already guild-ridden hearts. Who do their best not to tempt them to leave, to use, to carry guilt or shame any more. The best thing that you can do is allow them to get through the program and do what God has called them to do.
I feel as if we need an even larger program that can
take in whole families and re-educate them in how to live within the new
constructs of a Christian life to support and promote a healthy life for the
whole family. Mind you, we do, in a way, offer this as well. I have known husbands
and wives with children who go into program at the same time. The husband goes
to his men’s program while the wife and kids go to the women and children’s
program together. This is the very best scenario because it teaches all of them a new way of life.
But, perhaps we need to provide classes and
education to those at home while teaching their loved ones how to survive the
temptations of this dark world. One of the biggest problems that the students face upon
completion is going back to the same unchanged environment that enabled their
addiction in the first place.
No comments:
Post a Comment