How we live affects our children and our children’s
children for decades to come. My granddaughter Angel used to love my stories.
One in particular was about the little army men in her teeth that would battle
the bad guys and win if she brushed her teeth. So, in that vein, figuratively
speaking, our decisions, morals, values or lack of them are embedded in the DNA
of our families and carried on through generations like a defective gene or a
super gene. I am not trying to make my family sound like monsters, by any
means, we are just human. But, in reality, we have had our share of generational
curses. Our history is dotted with such
abuses as to make anyone feel shame and ‘less than’; drugs, alcohol, adultery,
lust, sexual immorality, neglect, verbal abuse, absent parenting, incest, rape
and probably things I haven’t named or just don’t know. Those are just the most
obvious, not reflecting the sinful words and thought life we all suffer: pride,
vanity, wrath, jealousy, envy, and covetousness to name a few. Some may be
offended by my candidness, but it is important that you understand that I, sadly enough, speak from experience. You are
the one that I want to reach.
2 Cor 5-10: “I will boast about such a man, but I will not boast about myself,
except in my weaknesses. Even if I wanted to boast, I would not be a
fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will
credit me with more than he sees in me or hears from me, or even with
these surpassingly great revelations.
So to
keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger
of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it
away from me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is
perfected in weakness.” Therefore
I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ
may rest on me. That is why, for the sake of Christ, I delight in
weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For
when I am weak, then I am strong.”
My life has been crippled by the sins of the father,
so to speak. For years I have battled in my head and flesh to defeat the evil
one who delights in our failures. I could not find it in a bottle. I could not
find it in a pill. I could not find it by my own flesh because my flesh is
sinful by nature. I did not fight hard enough or know enough to be the kind of
person, Christian or parent that God intended me to be. My insecurities and brokenness
were lavished upon those who knew me and were sadly witnessed and duplicated my
children. I see it, today, reflected in my grandchildren as well.
Num
14:18: ‘The Lord is slow to
anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression,
but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting
the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth
generation.’
Deut 24:16: “Fathers shall not be
put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put to death
because of their fathers. Each one shall
be put to death for his own sin.”
The passages seem to contradict one another but I
don’t believe they do. What it is saying, to me, is that because the father/mother sins, his family learns it from him…
generation to generation, essentially teaching them the same sins. Those who
follow suit and sin will be put to death. However, you are not to be put to
death for your father’s sins. You will die because you follow their example and
refuse to repent in your own sin.
But think
of it, how can children learn words of
affirmation and love if all they hear is swearing and screaming? How can they Learn
positive parenting skills if all they ever saw was verbal abuse or neglect or disparaging
remarks? How can they feel loved and worthy if they were victimized and treated
as less than? How can they have clean wholesome fun if all they saw in their
lives was partying, inappropriate sexual innuendo, swearing and trying to be ‘cool.’
How can they learn proper nutrition if they had little to no food or had to
fend for themselves? Or how can they learn control when they say gluttony? How
can they know self control if they only saw overindulgence? How can they learn
to persevere and be responsible if they saw their parents complain and/or quit
one job after the other? How can they expect to be accountable for their
actions if their parents lied for them, covered it up or bailed them out for
everything they did? You get it, right?
Children can go either way. They can follow what was
modeled or they can refuse to be like their parents and go to the opposite end
of the spectrum. I mean, not every
child will be a carbon copy of us. But there are so many factors that have to
balance the scales in a positive direction to teach them what parents have
failed to teach. There is hope.
Those of you who read my posts know that in 2012, my
daughter went to Adult & Teen Challenge. She was 33. It changed her life. With
His guidance, grace and love, she was able to overcome her demons. Her
obedience, back then, continues to change lives in our generational circles
today. It didn’t happen overnight. She had to work at it for over a year to
change from who she had become to who God meant her to be. My husband and I saw
her transformation, and the transformation of most of the women in the program,
and it changed us. Our other children (8 total) saw the change in Brandy or in
us and it changed them… Long story short, we all affect the lives of our family
for generations to come based on our desire for transformation or,
unfortunately, for selfish pursuits.
1 Cor
1:26: “Brothers,
consider the time of your calling: Not many of you were wise by human
standards; not many were powerful; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the
foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the
world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly
and despised things of the world, and the things that are not, to nullify the
things that are, 29so that no one may
boast in His presence.”
Generational curses are lifted because someone witnesses
transformation. They see the miracles that God can do in the ‘least of these.’
That person who used to be filled with darkness and poison becomes filled with
peace and joy. They speak differently. They love differently. They behave
differently. They remove the scales of sin to reveal a beautiful butterfly that
God meant them to be. Over time, people are seeing this in disbelief. Then, when
it sticks, they say, “I want that peace and joy in my life!” So they pursue Him
to get it. Then someone else sees the transformation that they made and it affects them…
and so on and so forth. It truly is a ripple effect of love and grace.
Looking back, I envision our history as circles of
darkness transitioning into light. The first circle represents the sin and
darkness, the brokenness and despair, the lost and hopelessness of our early
years. As we find salvation, forgiveness and peace in our lives and the lives
of those who are able to see the transition, our generational curses slowly
change from darkness to light over many years.
Let me just say that there is such a freedom and
peace in knowing that you are forgiven, that you are loved, that you are not
who you thought you were, that God has a plan for your lives that doesn’t
include sin and damnation. When someone holds up the mirror of what God meant you
to be and tells you that you are not the person that the world has told you
that you are… it is freeing. You can have that.
Eph 2: 1-10: “As for you, you
were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you used to walk when you
conformed to the ways of this world and of the ruler of the power of the air,
the spirit who is now at work in the sons of disobedience. At one time we
all lived among them, fulfilling the cravings of our flesh and indulging its
desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature children of wrath.
But
because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive
with Christ, even when we were dead in our trespasses. It is by grace you have
been saved! And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the
heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages He might
display the surpassing riches of His grace, demonstrated by His kindness to us
in Christ Jesus.
For it
is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this not from yourselves; it
is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are
God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared
in advance as our way of life.”
