Better to Receive?

            

Today, my husband was in line at the grocery store unloading his cart, while I made my way to him through the line. Apparently, he began to talk about his coffee purchase to the woman behind him without looking up to see that it wasn’t me. They laughed as I pulled up with our second grocery cart and edged passed her. She told me about my husband’s humorous conversation with her and that she responded, “I would be happy to be your wife if you have the right checkbook.” To which I laughed and said to her, “Well, you won’t be happy with it. Neither of us for money. We are missionaries.”

(Now, you must understand that this was the easiest and quickest way for me to explain what we are and do. We volunteer to make life easier for those that serve God, as we also serve the mission that He has called us to. The word sounds so odd when applied to us, but it is reality.)

Anyway… she immediately insisted that she pay for our groceries and, even impatiently, had no more time to listen to our quest or see the pictures of the bus because unbeknownst to my husband, she had offered to pay for the groceries and I did not act fast enough to tell him this so he was already paying. She was exasperated at me and the whole thing was a little confusing and comical. She was so upset that I had said, “Oh, no, that is very kind of you but not necessary.” This woman was upset as if I intentionally didn’t tell Tom that she wanted to pay. But really, I was as surprised as she, if not more because he almost always moves aside and lets me pay at the debit machine.

2 Cor. 9:7: “Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”

Now here is the thing, we could have used that help. We only get a half retirement from my state job, which isn’t enough to get us through considering all of the expenses and costs. We haven’t worked for pay in several months but have been using our savings. (Which we are blessed to have saved.)

We continued to purchase materials to complete the inside of the bus, which is now almost done. We bought bus tires for an arm and a leg though we got a great deal. We had to sell our car, trailer and bike for less than they were worth to purchase a towable car. (Which has a funny rubber smell in the engine and burns a quart every 700 miles) We bought the equipment to tow the car behind the bus.

We are in the process of trying to rent our house in Casa Grande so that we do not have that financial burden. (An investment and a blessing even if we aren’t living there.) We still need to paint the outside of the bus before we go to other states. We must paint it ourselves, due to the cost ($10,000), which also will take major man hours and money to buy a decent sprayer and materials. (Have I said that we are old but not old enough for real retirement? When God calls, you listen.) We still live and sleep in our bus in preparation for the next mission trip to Oregon. (We will again be ministering and being maintenance for a Christian non-profit there, as well as me taking on another volunteer job for another non-profit for children that needs excel help.)

So far we are blessed to not have had to pay for camping in the bus, thanks to dispersed free camping, a swap meet property and a friend’s driveway.)

So here is the thing… I thought about this after our encounter with this lovely woman. Even if I should say yes, how do I humbly say yes to such an offer without feeling poor or too prideful? I always tell my kids, when I try to give them help, that they are stealing my blessing. Plus I bully them with guilt and I win. But this is different. Isn’t it?

God may have sent her to us in that moment to help and I declined. God may have wanted her to learn or feel something from that transaction and I blocked it. God may have wanted me to learn something about that moment and I missed it… or did I?

Prov. 19:17: “Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.”

James 1:17: “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

I think I found something else that I am not good at. I am not good at humbling myself to accept charity. I don’t have the mind set. I don’t know the words. I wouldn’t have a clue how to do that and feel okay with it and yet, God does send others to help us. I think if I were really hurting, I would probably say yes. If I were doing it for others in need, I wouldn’t hesitate. So, in this way, I must figure out a way to simply allow others to help.

Needless to say, she insisted on an address to send a check, which I do not have. All I could do is give her my “The Bus of Hope” business card and a hug. She didn’t care about that. I think I offended her. And now my heart is heavy.