The Last Voice

I believe the desire to be a good person is in everyone. Short of a few people who have special circumstances or disorders, who may not be able to distinguish right from wrong, I believe that we have a great desire to be a good person. I think, because in essence, many of us feel that we are good people, we have trouble understanding that part about the bible that says that we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

Many of you may even look at others and say, ‘There is no way that person has good in them.’ I can’t tell you the number of times that I have made that same statement. I have even surmised that the person was satan incarnate. Or in the case of some really evil doings, that perhaps they were simply satan’s minions. I applaud you if you have never known or worked with people like that. I praise you for your compassion and understanding if you have never felt a negative thing about anyone. I especially would be in awe if you never sat in judgment of another person.

It is very challenging to look inside ourselves to find goodness at times when things are not going well. It is even more difficult to look inside someone else to find good when they are being bad. When we have bad behavior, bad moods, bad attitudes, it makes us look much different than what is in our hearts.

Now, stop and think about someone that you know who is so difficult to be around that you avoid them. When they are in your own family and in your home, what are you supposed to do?  When you work with them or they are above you in the chain of command, how do you reconcile that so that you can keep your peace? At work, do you separate yourself and do your best to be professional when in their presence? Do you vent to others when they are unjust and even hateful? What about home? Do you call up your neighbor or friend and talk about all the things going wrong in your life to the point where you no longer have anything good to say?

That is a slippery slope. I have had those years where everything work related was a chore. People around me were insincere, conniving and, it seemed to me, downright evil. I just wanted to do my job and be left alone but it doesn’t work that way. These issues don’t just appear out of nowhere. They come from words that we speak or don’t, attitudes that we have and wrongs that we do. And yes, sometimes you run across that person who has no legitimate reason to treat you a certain way, but they do. How you respond makes all the difference. I knew when it was happening that I had culpability in the situation. In hind sight, I also know that I didn’t ‘respond’ the way that I should have in many of the situations. My reactions made it worse.

We don’t communicate effectively anymore and we tend not to take other’s ‘goodness’ into consideration when something bad is happening. It is as if a dark cloud is moving in and changing who they used to be. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to see the love we have for them. The easier it is to criticize without sympathy. We get so caught up in the emotion of it or the right and wrong of it that we simply lash out. But we can’t judge others by a different measure as we would judge ourselves. Our defense is always, something like ‘but I did ‘this’ for you’ or ‘I am not that way!’ And yet, in the same breath, we only see the bad in them.

I remember years ago, I found a quote in a book called “A Spiritual Solution to Every Problem” by Wayne Dyer. It was by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. It went: “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”

There is always a reason, when someone stops being who they were meant to be. There are so many broken people in this dark world and it just keeps getting darker. Many people walk around without even looking inside to see why they react the way they do. We see anger, but anger comes from pain and brokenness. They have no one to lovingly pull them aside and ask where that pain is coming from. Likely, they have people that have given up on them and they, in turn, give up on themselves. The more mistakes or bad choices that they make, the less they feel like trying until they feel there is nothing else to lose. Bad circumstances make us feel like we are drowning in more badness and eventually we stop fighting the tide.

The hard part is, if they can’t see their brokenness, how are we supposed to help them? Look, you may never know why they became the way they are. They may never be able to put it into words. You have decisions to make. Will you approach them in anger or in love? Instead of taking offense and making it personal, why not take a different approach? I am not saying to let others treat you poorly or to let them walk all over you. I am saying that we all need to learn some humility and have a true loving heart with those people around us who are obviously struggling with brokenness. There are firm but loving ways to approach these things without succumbing to the trap of being negative and unloving. I mean, if we can’t be honest enough to see our flaws, and work to change them, why do we expect it from others? Sometimes they just need a different approach to let them see that the world has not forgot or given up on them. Love is the answer to all things.

There are ways to learn to communicate firmly but fairly. There is rarely a need for yelling or being disrespectful. If it is a teen, there are free parenting classes through Parent AZ that can help you deal with any age child. I teach this course and only wish that I had that option when I was raising my children because it truly works! If you aren’t in Arizona, then look up http://www.activeparenting.com/article_Dr-Popkin-on-the-future-of-parent-education and see if there are classes in your state. Or you can order the material yourself.

 Think about this, people judge Christians by how they behave, more so than what they say. We are held to a different standard and ‘not allowed’ to make mistakes. We are constantly trying to self-evaluate and fix what we know is broken inside. We are uncomfortable sharing it with others because even we mistakenly feel that once we are ‘saved’ we should be perfect. THIS IS NOT TRUE! Yes, we work towards the person that God meant us to be. The older that we are, the more bad habits and rotten insides we have to repair, by the grace of God. But, we are not and will never be perfect. Only Christ was perfect. Hebrews 4:15: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.”

We may be the last voice that a child or a person hears before truly giving up. We may be the final straw that causes them to literally give up their lives. We may be the only Christian willing to love them and slowly let them see the love of Christ inside us. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on others.

One last thing, there is this little girl who used to ask me, all of the time, if she could go to church with me. She would be upset if she couldn’t go with her family and would call me to tell on them. J  She had the most amazing heart for God. She kept that heart for God many years until it was buried beneath her feeling of unworthiness.

You see, as she grew older, she began to make bad decisions. It was years in the making, but her choices got progressively worse. Not being her parents, we knew where it would lead but were powerless to stop it. At 16, she confided in me that she just gave up and stopped caring. She said that there was no point in trying since she had lost anything that her parents could possibly take away from her. She felt that she had done so much wrong that God couldn’t possibly love her or forgive her. Can you imagine? At 16, she had given up on her life and goals. Don’t kid yourself. There are so many others out there just like her and much younger. Sadly, we have more wounded than we will ever know. WE HAVE TO BE THE VOICE OF REASON AND LOVE TO THESE PEOPLE.

Today, at 16, she has found God again. She is joyful and happy. She is self-motivated, not forced, to finish high school AND wants to go to college. She is funny, mindful, considerate, thankful and blessed by the Holy Spirit of God. Love. Love and guidance. But the grace of God foremost.

1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”

1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

1 John 4:7: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”