I believe the desire to be a good person is in everyone.
Short of a few people who have special circumstances or disorders, who may not
be able to distinguish right from wrong, I believe that we have a great desire
to be a good person. I think, because in essence, many of us feel that we are
good people, we have trouble understanding that part about the bible that says
that we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23
Many of you may even look at others and say, ‘There is no
way that person has good in them.’ I can’t tell you the number of times that I
have made that same statement. I have even surmised that the person was satan
incarnate. Or in the case of some really evil doings, that perhaps they were
simply satan’s minions. I applaud you if you have never known or worked with
people like that. I praise you for your compassion and understanding if you
have never felt a negative thing about anyone. I especially would be in awe if
you never sat in judgment of another person.
It is very challenging to look inside ourselves to find
goodness at times when things are not going well. It is even more difficult to
look inside someone else to find good when they are being bad. When we have bad
behavior, bad moods, bad attitudes, it makes us look much different than what
is in our hearts.
Now, stop and think about someone that you know who is so
difficult to be around that you avoid them. When they are in your own family
and in your home, what are you supposed to do?
When you work with them or they are above you in the chain of command,
how do you reconcile that so that you can keep your peace? At work, do you separate yourself and do your best to
be professional when in their presence? Do you vent to others when they are
unjust and even hateful? What about home? Do you call up your neighbor or
friend and talk about all the things going wrong in your life to the point
where you no longer have anything good to say?
That is a slippery slope. I have had those years where
everything work related was a chore. People around me were insincere, conniving
and, it seemed to me, downright evil. I just wanted to do my job and be left
alone but it doesn’t work that way. These issues don’t just appear out of nowhere.
They come from words that we speak or don’t, attitudes that we have and wrongs
that we do. And yes, sometimes you run across that person who has no legitimate
reason to treat you a certain way, but they do. How you respond makes all the
difference. I knew when it was happening that I had culpability in the
situation. In hind sight, I also know that I didn’t ‘respond’ the way that I
should have in many of the situations. My reactions made it worse.
We don’t communicate effectively anymore and we tend not to
take other’s ‘goodness’ into consideration when something bad is happening. It
is as if a dark cloud is moving in and changing who they used to be. The longer
it goes on, the harder it is to see the love we have for them. The easier it is
to criticize without sympathy. We get so caught up in the emotion of it or the
right and wrong of it that we simply lash out. But we can’t judge others by a
different measure as we would judge ourselves. Our defense is always, something
like ‘but I did ‘this’ for you’ or ‘I am not that way!’ And yet, in the same
breath, we only see the bad in them.
I remember years ago, I found a quote in a book called “A Spiritual
Solution to Every Problem” by Wayne Dyer. It was by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
It went: “If we could read the secret history
of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough
to disarm all hostility.”
There is always a reason, when someone stops being who they
were meant to be. There are so many broken people in this dark world and it just
keeps getting darker. Many people walk around without even looking inside to
see why they react the way they do. We see anger, but anger comes from pain and
brokenness. They have no one to lovingly pull them aside and ask where that
pain is coming from. Likely, they have people that have given up on them and
they, in turn, give up on themselves. The more mistakes or bad choices that
they make, the less they feel like trying until they feel there is nothing else
to lose. Bad circumstances make us feel like we are drowning in more badness
and eventually we stop fighting the tide.
The hard part is, if they can’t see their brokenness, how
are we supposed to help them? Look, you may never know why they became the way
they are. They may never be able to put it into words. You have decisions to
make. Will you approach them in anger or in love? Instead of taking offense and
making it personal, why not take a different approach? I am not saying to let
others treat you poorly or to let them walk all over you. I am saying that we
all need to learn some humility and have a true loving heart with those people
around us who are obviously struggling with brokenness. There are firm but
loving ways to approach these things without succumbing to the trap of being
negative and unloving. I mean, if we can’t be honest enough to see our flaws, and work to change them, why do we
expect it from others? Sometimes they just need a different approach to let
them see that the world has not forgot or given up on them. Love is the answer
to all things.
There are ways to learn to communicate firmly but fairly. There
is rarely a need for yelling or being disrespectful. If it is a teen, there are
free parenting classes through Parent AZ that can help you deal with any age
child. I teach this course and only wish that I had that option when I was
raising my children because it truly works! If you aren’t in Arizona, then look
up http://www.activeparenting.com/article_Dr-Popkin-on-the-future-of-parent-education
and see if there are classes in your state. Or you can order the material
yourself.
Think about this, people
judge Christians by how they behave, more so than what they say. We are held to
a different standard and ‘not allowed’ to make mistakes. We are constantly
trying to self-evaluate and fix what we know is broken inside. We are
uncomfortable sharing it with others because even we mistakenly feel that once
we are ‘saved’ we should be perfect. THIS IS NOT TRUE! Yes, we work towards the
person that God meant us to be. The older that we are, the more bad habits and
rotten insides we have to repair, by the grace of God. But, we are not and will
never be perfect. Only Christ was perfect. Hebrews
4:15: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with
our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet
without sin.”
We may be the last voice that a child or a person hears
before truly giving up. We may be the final straw that causes them to literally
give up their lives. We may be the only Christian willing to love them and
slowly let them see the love of Christ inside us. Don’t give up on yourself.
Don’t give up on others.
One last thing, there is this little girl who used to ask me,
all of the time, if she could go to church with me. She would be upset if she
couldn’t go with her family and would call me to tell on them. J She had the most amazing heart for God. She
kept that heart for God many years until it was buried beneath her feeling of
unworthiness.
You see, as she grew older, she began to make bad decisions.
It was years in the making, but her choices got progressively worse. Not being
her parents, we knew where it would lead but were powerless to stop it. At 16,
she confided in me that she just gave up and stopped caring. She said that
there was no point in trying since she had lost anything that her parents could
possibly take away from her. She felt that she had done so much wrong that God
couldn’t possibly love her or forgive her. Can you imagine? At 16, she had
given up on her life and goals. Don’t kid yourself. There are so many others
out there just like her and much younger. Sadly, we have more wounded than we
will ever know. WE HAVE TO BE THE VOICE OF REASON AND LOVE TO THESE PEOPLE.
Today, at 16, she has found God again. She is joyful and
happy. She is self-motivated, not forced, to finish high school AND wants to go
to college. She is funny, mindful, considerate, thankful and blessed by the
Holy Spirit of God. Love. Love and guidance. But the grace of God foremost.
1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since
love covers a multitude of sins.”
1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out
fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been
perfected in love.”
1 John 4:7: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from
God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-8: “Love is patient and kind; love does not
envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but
rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all
things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass
away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”
