A Fracture for a Fracture: Or, How to See a Wound

What if we were wounded for every wound that we inflict? The bible says, Lev: 24: 19-20: “¹⁹ Anyone who injures their neighbor is to be injured in the same manner: ²⁰ fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth. The one who has inflicted the injury must suffer the same injury.”

What if the wounds that we inflict were also gifted upon us? If we could feel what hurt or frustration that we cause others, whether it be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual or even spiritual, what would that look and feel like to us? The things we say and do; the things that we fail to say and do, to and for others, is not an insignificant thing in our souls but especially for THEIR souls. If we were able to feel it all for them, for the lives we affect, the pain we cause… if we felt it like they do and it affects our souls like it does theirs… would it help us to see what damage we do to our loved ones, our parents, our siblings, our children, our friends, even our enemies… Would we start to think before we act or speak?

We are so instinctive in our reactions and actions and, yes, our inactions, that there is no measure to the damage that we probably do without even being aware. So many people have wounds that we do not see. Deep wounds that with the slightest provocation, throb and bleed all over again with just one wrong word, a failed word of encouragement. These are the secrets of their souls and we are not privy to them. Not knowing or seeing their wounds makes us ignorant and ill prepared for words at all.

One of my favorite quotes, and I have likely said so before, is by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow: “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”

This has stuck with me for literally decades now. Nothing describes the hidden wounds of others in so few words as this. If we could simply keep this written on our hearts, we could each help change the world a little at a time. If only we could feel what pain they feel, what pain that we add to their burdens. I don’t mean to imply that we deserve the worst of what we cause others for those wounds that we do not intend to cause out of our own ignorance and small frame of reference. But the things that we do or fail to do that are intentional, these things…should we suffer for these?

I am reminded of a movie where a woman speaks about how her abusive husband was killing her slowly, day by day with his physical and emotional abuse. She talked about how she could take the physical abuse but that, by his actions and words, he would demoralize and demean her every day. He would neglect her needs, betray his vows, ignore her, dismiss her, berate and belittle her thoughts and actions until she felt that she would die from just not being able to be. Her hope and desire to live were diminished to almost nothing. You see, even if he never laid a hand on her, he was killing her soul, her hope, her very being by what he said to her, about her and how he said nothing at all encouraging or to lift her up.

The bible asks us to: Eph 4:31-32: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

And then, my favorite scripture: Mat 5:43-48:  “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor^[a] and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? ⁴⁸ Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

We must realize that in every relationship we hold from the most intimate to the very distant, we are, as Christians, ambassadors for Christ. That comes with some heavy duty responsibilities that frankly, we are unfit to handle. In most of us, we can fulfill obligations by going through the motions, but the real task is what our hearts and minds feel and think about it all.

It seems that half the time we don’t even acknowledge our true feelings or motives in most of what we do. Yet, as humans, we are indignant, demanding, opinionated, negative, frustrated and all manner of ill-willed emotion that we have no right to hurl at others. We wound them with our snubs, gossip, inconsideration, sarcasm, rudeness, and our anger. We violate their right to be treated with loving kindness, especially those closest to us, by such offenses as disrespecting their opinion, violating our vows by flirtation and sexual provocation, adultery, dishonesty and withholding of affection and they need our love and encouragement so very much to survive.

What about the inactions and negligence of simply being ignored, ostracized, not taking care of those that are in our care, or worse, doing so with irritation and anger? Our spouses, our children, our families… they have a right to expect good things from us just on the basis of the commitments that we made to them in the creation of the relationship alone. Not to mention the vows that we made to our loved ones, the children that God gave us, our parents, who bore us and raised us as best that they could with what they knew, our friends that we love and may never know the wounds that they carry.

As mere humans, how can we possibly expect to behave better than we do now? Well, we do have tools but we rarely think about the scriptures when we speak or react to others. We stumble at best. We are imperfect, impulsive and selfish at our very core. I am not saying that we are all bad and there is no good in us. But apart from Christ, that tends to be true. Just take a look at the one scripture that defines most of us. Rom 7:15-25: “15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. 16And if I do what I do not desire, I admit that the Law is good. 17In that case, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh; for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.19For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do. 20And if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So this is the principle I have discovered: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s Law. 23But I see another law at work in my body, warring against the law of my mind and holding me captive to the law of sin that dwells within me. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Boy, is that me in a nut shell! But that last line, “Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ our Lord!” THAT is the key. It isn’t in you or I to be perfect as Christ was perfect. And for you that have not come to faith yet, you must realize the truth so that the biggest lie cannot hurt us any longer. The mistaken mentality, the Big Lie about Christians is that we have it all together and we never struggle to do right or good. I don’t care how long you have been a believer or what position that you hold in the church, synagogue or fill in the blank, we are just as flawed as the day that we converted, with one big difference. We do struggle against the flesh just like anyone else. But we understand where that battle is happening and who gets the glory for our successes. It sure isn’t us. We are called to live better than we are able to do on our own because we believe. The only difference between the world and us is what we believe. Period. We read His Word and because of this, we know where our power comes from. We do our utmost to follow His Word and when we can’t, we pray for His strength, His help. As humans, we need that help just as the disciples did in Christ’s time.

This is what we are called to do. We do not have to do it alone. Christ died for all of our sins in the past, the present and future, knowing how cruel and sinful that all of us can be, (consider all manner of lawlessness and evil in this world today) then how can we not show compassion to others? It is His will that once we are saved by faith, repent and are forgiven, that we should change who were are as best we can, by His prompting of course. What is best of all, we do not do it alone, but with His power and strength.

1 Cor 10:13: “13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide an escape, so that you can stand up under it.”

So, with this in mind… be grateful that we do not feel the pain that we cause others. Be especially grateful that we are forgiven by Christ’s death on the cross for our sins and made new by our faith in Him. But make no mistake, once we are saved, we should be living as the bible asks us to live and not still living in the flesh. That means that every word or action should be governed not by our flesh and ignorant responses, but by our faith and the power of His will. The price of salvation is paid, but the vine should still produce good fruit. (That is for another story. J) Or… you can start to read the bible yourself and see what I mean. 

THE TRUTH ABOUT WOUNDS

Wounded warriors don't sulk and whimper. Wounded warriors flaunt, they boast, they control, they disengage, they are louder, more rebellious, they yell, they swear, they sin ... they do and say things that protect them from the world, from you… they wear disguises meant to keep you at a safe distance. The more broken they are, the harder they appear to be.

The thing that comes immediately to my mind are teenagers. They are best at exuding this type of behavior. They are still in the learning phase of life anyway and they are not very good at hiding what they have learned because it is all that they know. As they get older they add polish or shine to their act, or perhaps they add bricks and mortar to their wall, but, as they are, they have not learned to disguise it very well.

Hurt them, and their bristles go up, like a porcupine. Cause them fear and they spray you with harsh words and attitude, like a skunk. You would assume from their reaction that they are not worth your time. Who wants to know or deal with someone like that?!

Just like with any of us, communication is difficult, especially for the wounded. Communication can be stunted by having lived with the wrong example of what communication should be… lack of experience. Whatever damage they witnessed growing up, becomes a curse to them as well. Like all of us, they emulate what they see and are limited by their experience. Unfortunately, we see others through our eyes and our experiences so we just don’t understand how they learned to fill in the blank so poorly. You mimic what you see in childhood, or you become the complete opposite.

It is like that commercial on tv about the kids mimicking the parents they love. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOhGmaJt5kE

Children take their patterns of behavior, physical reactions and style of communication from their family life and transpose that into their adult relationships. If they were the victim of verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse, those wounds and the self preservation created from that, become deeply embedded into who they are and they may not even realize it. They dress their wounds in ego and humor and bravado but it is still just a stunted adult with battle scars. It's still just a defense mechanism.

When we see someone wearing these disguises; when we are put off by someone and would rather not associate with them or deal with them, dig deeper. We must see past the false front into the wounds which lie beneath. We may NEVER know that there is a wound. If we got close to them and were able to get to know them well enough to ask, they may never admit it. But think about it: There HAS to be wounds, poor examples, lack of love, nurturing, support, respect… for someone to be so broken, don’t you think? Of course you do.

What do you do when you are attacked or exposed to someone who reacts so defiantly and perhaps even to you when you meant well? You immediately view them through the eyes of love and compassion. It won’t always be easy. We are human after all. But take a breath and pray for them. Soften your words and change your tact…or walk away, but pray for them just the same.

To err on the side of human

                                  

We pray to God for Truth being brought to light and we can’t understand why we can’t hear or see it like others can. We doubt ourselves and even what He is trying to show us. If He revealed the true number of times that He had shown us the way, given us insight, shown us the truth of the situation, I imagine that we would be the first to say, “I KNEW IT!”We would be totally amazed at how often our ‘instincts’ were accurate, but we denied them out of foolishness, self-doubt, or maybe because we were hoping for a different answer.

We err on the side of human. We ignore all of the signs that we pray for just because we are hoping and praying for a specific answer. Nine times out of ten, He probably answers but we can’t hear it over the din and noise of what our hearts would rather hear. Sometimes, probably most times in our humanness, we ignore all of the signs and whispers, perhaps even mistaking them for coming from the wrong direction, if you  know what I mean. Or we try to dig deeper for more Truth because we are human and just don’t trust ourselves and what we think we hear. Like I always say, “I need Him to hit me with a brick because I need to be SURE it is Him, not my heart, my suspicious mind, or the enemy trying to attack.”

We are the masters of planning after all. We just never fully let God take control. We don’t understand the depth of trust because we are human. We are used to dealing, in this life, with only humans. I mean, after all, we don’t really have to deal with aliens or zombies. It isn’t real. So how hard it is to believe in a God that we can truly give our lives to and trust Him not to betray that trust. We have been burned so many times by the enemy and he almost always comes in human form.

I used to tell my granddaughter, Angel that “That feeling that we get when we know that we shouldn’t go somewhere. That tugging at our gut, called by humans, gut instinct, intuition or just the creeps is not from us. That voice inside our heads that warns us is from the Holy Spirit telling us to beware of what we are about to do.” Of course, her answer was, “nana, the only voice I hear in my head is yours.” J

When we are given insight, when we are given divine guidance, it typically requires action. It directs us in a way that requires change. So think back. How many times have you disregarded that tugging and as a result, stumbled and fell? How many times did you hear it and see it and chalk it up to your ignorance, your active imagination, your weakness and lived to suffer the consequences?

For some of us, Truth can be like a battering ram. It is those little moments that things don’t add up and you keep ignoring reality because… put your answer here? Maybe we have this ideal picture in our minds that we just don’t want to change. Maybe we fear change in general. Usually it is because we can’t see the end goal, so we accept whatever rationalization comes after. And yet, Truth never gives up. It keeps battering until we finally hear and see it for ourselves. God loves us that much. He will give us what is just, what is true, what is best.

Because Truth usually requires change, and we are human and uncomfortable with change, it usually hurts… a lot. We suffer the strife of making change and worry about how it will affect us. But often, the change hurts others as well. After all, they don’t hear and see what we do so it appears to come from nowhere. We are rolling along in life and BAM! The wall comes down and we finally see that we are wrong.

Sometimes the Trust is thrust upon us by others actions or inaction. They don’t do what they should, they follow their impulses, they need something different, they don’t feel like you feel, or maybe the voices that they listen to aren’t in line with yours... or God’s. One never knows.

Truth is so potent that it can break our hearts and stress us so much that we become ill. We have no idea how or when to respond. We are stupid humans, after all. Change is scary! But if you obey, because God is all about obedience, you may be blessed. After all, read about Jonah and the whale or the many other stories in the bible. They can be your strength. So then what? He reveals the Truth and despite your brokenness you believe now. How? When? Where? What?   If He leads you to Truth, like it or not, He will answer those questions as well.

The bottom line is this. In order to hear and see what God has in store for us, in order to hear and see the Truth long before it has to take the form of a battering ram, you MUST pray and be silent to wait for the answer. Pray for Truth to come to light. But be prepared for the answer because it may not be what you ‘planned’ for.

FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!

"Passion is what keeps you moving in the direction your best intentions want you to go. That’s why, if I were your enemy, I’d make stealing your passion one of my primary goals. Because I know if I could dim your passion, I could significantly lower your resistance to temptation and discouragement. I could make you walk with a spiritual limp and lengthen how long it takes you to recover from the injury. If I could chip away at your zeal, at your hope, at your belief in God and what He can do, I could chisel down your faith to a whimper. Make you want to quit. And never try again."

"If I were your enemy, I’d disguise myself and manipulate your perspectives so that you’d focus on the wrong culprit—your husband, your friend, your hurt, your finances, anything or anyone except me. Because when you zero in on the most convenient, obvious places to strike back against your problems, you get the impression you’re fighting for something. Even though all you’re really doing is just . . . fighting. For nothing."

From Priscilla Shirer: "Fervent- A Woman's Battle Plan to Serious, Specific and Strategic Prayer"

Electronic Umbilical Cords and why I talk in my sleep

I don't literally talk in my sleep but why is it that the main time in which my mind races with ideas, insight and insomnia is when my head hits the pillow at night? Even when I am falling asleep on the couch, as soon as I get ready for bed and lay down, a myriad of ideas go through my brain. Sometimes I will be almost asleep and something will occur to me… usually I am inspired about something to write about. I will be so tired that I will tell myself that I will write it down tomorrow. But in the hour or so that it takes me to push it out of my mind so that I can sleep, I could have just written it down and gone to bed fitfully.

So, I go back to my original question and my own realization. Why is it that these things don’t occur to me during the day when I am near a tablet or pen or laptop in order to write them down? The answer came to me when I was talking to my granddaughter, Trinity, about her homework.

I am telling Trinity that it is much better to do all of her homework during the day when no one is home so that she can concentrate because at night she has all of the family there, television, phone calls, and general interruptions distracting her. And it dawns on me. THAT is it. That is when I realized that there is just too much noise, stimuli and busyness for us to actually hear Him

Our world is full of distractions, stimuli, noise and busyness. So much so that we no longer have any real down time. We have lost our ability to be at peace and quiet in our world. We even SEEK the distraction. Think about this for a moment. When is the last time that you just sat looking out at the meadow, the forest, the ocean, the expanse of this universe and was still… with no noise or distractions of any kind? When you didn’t turn on the television or grab an electronic device to connect to someone?

We don’t have house phones any more. We are bound by our cell phones and tablets now. Everyone has to have a cell phone these days. Between the cell phones, tablets and laptops, they are always buzzing and beeping with every single ‘app’ notification. We have instagram, facebook, email, twitter, snapchat, and email on our phones. We are held captive, so to speak, by our electronic devices and apps. We don’t own them anymore. They own us. They used to be a luxury item. Now they are a necessity. Some of us even have our work emails on our personal devices, as if we get paid to stay connected.

Etiquette has flown the coup with the advent of these devices. In my day, (I sound so old when I say this) we didn’t answer the telephone when we had company. If we did, it was because we were concerned it was an emergency and we quickly picked it up, listened, made our excuses and hung up. We didn’t sit down and write a letter in a room full of visitors. (This is being akin to using a cell phone to text, email or snapchat others when you are visiting someone else.) We didn’t stop to take a photo of ourselves (a selfie) while we visited with people. We didn’t spend the day watching videos in the corner of the room while everyone else just sat there feeling neglected. And yet, this is what our world has become. We have no manners, no etiquette, and  no common sense of such things. All of the above would have been considered rude, and to many of us, still is considered a lack of manners.   

Keep in mind, we are raising our children this way as well. They will be even worse off in the communication department because they learn by example and by society. At this point we might do well to have a class about etiquette and communication skills or they will be lost forever.

We don’t even know how to write a real letter anymore. Emailing someone an actual letter style email is almost unheard of. And I cannot tell you when the last time someone actually sent me something meaningful, talking about how they are, their family, what they are up to, like we used to. Personally, I love to write with pen and paper. It feels more personal. But I digress…

We are inundated with noise. I think about this a lot when it is happening. I go to a restaurant and there is loud music or sports blaring from every angle while we eat. They don’t just have one television going, but there are at least a dozen tvs in one room. Or the music is constantly in the background and you struggle just to converse. Even our grocery stores and retail stores do it. We even crank the music in our cars, have the television on just for noise in our homes, and surround ourselves with electronic devices so that we are never alone. We have very little peace and quiet during a normal day.

Naturally our work worlds are busy. I expect that. But in reality, we have a wealth of stimuli as if we couldn’t survive without it. And yet, I truly think that this makes us even more rushed, stressed, anxious and distracted. And again, our children are becoming ‘adhd’ because if they aren’t stimulated by something, they are ‘bored.’ Even adults feel anxious if we try to just sit still with no music, no cell phone, no tablet, no laptop and no television. Many of us have lost the art of true communication as well as true peace and quiet.

I am constantly praying for insight and an encouraging word from God. Most times we think that He isn't talking to us. However, with our work, our families, our everyday busyness, our electronic umbilical cord to the world, how could we possibly hear Him??

Sometimes it isn't until my head hits the pillow and I talk to Him until I fall asleep that I am able to hear Him. I think that the reason we aren’t hearing him until bedtime or that we aren’t thinking anything much until we lay down, is because even our own thoughts couldn’t break through all of the noise and stimuli of the day. They wait until there is a moment of silence for them to have their say. It is in those quiet moments that I become most aware of His presence. When I take a long quiet walk alone, sit alone with my bible or my bible study book, or just get away, I can hear, plain as day,  that God is there with me.

Now I keep a notebook handy. So when I do hear from Him or become inspired by something, I write it down. I have learned that when I don't do it because I am distracted, I lose the opportunity to reflect on it. Then when I make time for just Him, I expound on the thought. I need that alone time. I need that quiet time with just God, to be inspired, feel His presence and hear His plans for my life. I find an abundance of peace when I unplug and spend time alone with Him. I even take walks during the middle of my work day to decompress.

Teach your children well. Educate them, and your family members, on good communication and the essential nature of down time. Learn how to unplug and be at peace. Have family night twice a week to strengthen your bond. Have real conversation at the dinner table. No television or electronics at the table. You would be surprised how close you can become when you lovingly spend time with and communicate with your family.

 

 

Where the rubber meets the road

9-21-17                                                 Where the rubber meets the road

I have been silent for quite some time. It seems since I have completed my ministry classes, became licensed and God spoke His plan to us about “The Bus of Hope” mission, we have been under attack. Let me explain a bit for those who have this image of people pelting us with eggs or tearing us down verbally. www.thebusofhope.org

Slowly, your work life starts to pile up to the point where you become too exhausted to do anything once you get home, especially if you are on the computer all day. Reading or writing on a laptop or tablet tends to hurt your brain and makes you tired. Your time with God and your bible study time dwindle almost to a halt. When you do read, you nod off because you physically feel as if you never slept even when you do. You tell yourself it is temporary. It seems as if people around you are morphing into things that they aren’t. They become demanding, impatient, easily agitated and seem to forget all manner of etiquette; so much so that you become indignant and less tolerant of them,  yourself. Your reaction to the situations around you builds on the dark environment until you are buried in frustration and animosity. You have to push yourself to be ‘normal’ and have to pray unceasingly for a loving heart and understanding.

You try to meet with Christian friends and it falls though. Those around you are injured, and progress on the bus has to wait. Time is short, money is shorter.

Various parts of your family are under attack too. Relationships fall apart, brokenness and heartache prevail, families are struggling to find common ground but appear to be sinking in quick sand. Love turns into grief and remorse. Their focus is on what is wrong and not what is right. Priorities become shifted and upside down. Children become lost in the confusion and chaos. God is there deep down inside but their lives don’t reflect it due to the lack of light in their own lives. Where they had no real foundation in His Word, they struggle even more.

As a mother and grandmother, even as a minister, you try to understand what is happening in all these lives and your own. You don’t always see it right away. Why the chaos? Why the disconnect? Why so many bad decisions piled on top of bad reactions and brokenness? It seems to be rippling through everyone closely associated with you. You shout to the Lord, “What is going on? Why is everything appearing to unravel?!”

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,

Life happens, it is true. But when you are headed in the right direction and literally everything seems to be taking over what is good, you have to stop and ask yourself… Is this an attack?

1 Peter 5:8

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Attacks happen when you are closest to your purpose. That is why networking and socializing in the Christian community is so important. Sometimes by talking it out, others see what we cannot. I called my daughter Brandy to ask her about all of this and she said it straight out. She was quite blunt about it. Something to the affect of, ‘Mom, of course you are under attack. We all are. You are about to change your life to serve God and pour even more love into others. satan will do whatever he can to attack you and everyone you love.” Duh. Haha And then I saw it too.

Ephesians 6:12

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

The evil one searches for ways to distract us from God’s light and our destiny. He uses others to trip you up. He literally prowls around like a lion waiting to destroy. And if he can’t derail you, he will turn on the ones you love and derail them.

This is where the real battle begins. This is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak.

If you see things starting to unravel, press into God’s word even more.

Luke 10:19

Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.

Talk to Him at all times and pray like your life depends on it. But even more importantly, you MUST be united with those affected and talk about it. You must realize where it is coming from and get a strategy.

Matthew 18:18-20

Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

Fill each other with love and encouragement and remember where it is coming from. Turn away wrath and show love instead. It won’t be easy to recognize and it won’t be easy to thwart, but with God, all things are possible! We may not be strong but he who lives in us gives us strength.

James 4:8

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

6 Brothers,[a] if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.5 For each will have to bear his own load.

6 Let the one who is taught the word share all good things with the one who teaches. 7 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10 So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Bound & Chained

6-4-17                                                              Bound & Chained

I have been bound and chained but I am no more!! From the depths of my brokenness and pain, from the darkest parts of my soul that was buried in the rubble of my sorrow, distrust, hurt and pain… He, and only He, could free me from the demons of this world!

Gal. 5:1: For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

If you think that there is no battle on this dark earth  to steal you from God’s love and freedom, you are sorely mistaken. There are thousands of choices a day being made in this world just by you. Some are innocuous; some are surely life altering, soul binding experiences that will take you one step farther from the Light. You think it is just simple life choices, but that is what the evil one wants you to think and THAT is one of his most successful lies.

Eph 6:12: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

To believe that your life is simply about your family, your career, your friends, your house, the obligations that you take on at your church, the charities you give to, the drug of your choice, the wife/husband/girlfriend…is the ultimate deception and the temporary success of satan. This is especially hazardous when your life seems to just fall into place and you let your guard down.

But I gotta tell ya, if this were true, I would have wanted my life to end decades ago for me and it would have been an enormous mistake. The horrific events of my childhood and early years, suffered at the  hands of those that I should have been able to trust and run to for protection, was enough for me to cry out to God at only five years old. The abuse I suffered from my first marriage was brutal and gave me no reason to hope… but for God.

Jer. 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Not everyone has wounds and scars that span over decades, some self caused from poor choices… but there is always chains of some sort that the evil one uses to hold you back, push you down and keep you from a true walk with Christ. The evil one knows your weaknesses by what you say and do in this world. He has you convinced that you are not worthy because of what? Perhaps you hold a secret, perhaps you are guilted by an act, an omission, brokenness and/or unforgiveness. Maybe these things surround you, are drowning you in a cesspool and you are guarded, feel abandoned, unworthy, your heart is getting colder. You are lost in your past or current sins. But please remember, they are our choices to make, not God’s doing.

James 1:13-17: “When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ¹⁴ but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. ¹⁵ Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

¹⁶ Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

The fact that you believe that you are not worthy of forgiveness is all lies!!! No matter what your parents say, your brothers or sisters, your friends, your coworkers… Christ didn’t die for nothing! He died for your sins, too! All of them, not just the little ones! Not just the  little white lies. Not just what you think is or should be forgivable! He died for all sin… and He knew what you would choose before you chose it! He sees beyond what we see. He knows- do you understand? The ONLY thing holding you down is that you believe the dark one’s lies; that you are unforgiveable.

Rom. 5:8: But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

One of my granddaughters, Trinity, was studying the bible with me. We were studying Pastor Diane Swanson’s book-Forgiveness. Trinity gave her life to the Lord that day. She and I cried for hours and she shared her heart with me. At sixteen years old, she thought that she was unworthy of God’s love, unforgiveable. Can  you just imagine that!? At sixteen! She had made some pretty stupid decisions in her life but none that could or would make her un-savable.

That is just a shame. She has had such a powerful love for God since she was just a little girl. It wasn’t cultivated and she lost her way like a little lamb. She allowed herself to be separated from God by the lies and expectations of this dark world.

It is how she felt. Even you can see the sadness in her story right? In her eyes, her ‘sins’ were unforgivable. It is how I felt decades ago, to the enth degree. Is it how you feel about your life too? Don’t you understand that Jesus says the same thing about you! He looks down with his loving heart and sees how you think and the darkness that holds you down, makes you give up hope and keeps you in a cycle of bad choices and He says, “Poor thing.”

Please believe me that you can turn your back on your pain and past and accept His forgiveness, repent and receive what He has for you! Take it one step at a time and He will give you the strength to say ‘no’ to the dark choices in this world. Find a church that will come along side you and help you in your spiritual walk! Pour out the venom that the evil one has filled you with and fill yourself with the love and light of your eternal salvation. Break the chains that bind you! Set yourself free from condemnation!

John 8:36: So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Heb. 10:26: For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins,

1 Cor. 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Much love in Christ.  

    

The way back

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-dead-end-of-sexual-sin

Foreboding

There is a strong sense of foreboding that has left me restless and without sleep for weeks now. I always hear how people 'rest in the Lord' and yet, here I am again... restless. I listen for answers to no avail. I search for myself but come up half empty. It is a sense of apprehension that troubles my very soul. I am not sure from where it comes, and it doesn't really matter, because I know that He has power over ALL things.

We all have trials and suffering because we are human and live in this flawed world. We have no control over what others do. We can only be accountable for ourselves and live above reproach for Him.

Still, I plead for rest. My soul cries out for peace in the truth. I pray and listen. I seek and do not find. I pray the Lord will reveal the reason in His timing, and yet, I must plead for hurried reprieve. The anxiety interferes with my spirit. It brings dark clouds to rest above sunny days. It looms like a thief, ready to steal what does not belong to him.

Even so, in this, I know the Lord will have mercy in His due time. I feel that He is preparing me. Either I am struck by lightening with no warning... or in His mercy, I am able to see the dark clouds gathering so that I can prepare myself and trust that He has got this. Lord, I am prepared and I know that You are in control... though I may not be where You need me to be.

His message seems to be:  Now is not the time. He will reveal what is hidden in a way that cannot be refuted, but only when I am in a place that I need to be so that when the light reveals what is hidden, I am able to go where He WANTS me to go. His ways are not my ways and they will work for my good. He is merciful. Nothing can remain hidden in the dark that He wishes to bring to the light.

And with that, I try to sleep again.

Look inside

This is a long overdue apology. This is a brilliant way to explain it in a way that allows you to place the blame where it belongs. With me. With us.

So let me do my part too. Please forgive me for the decades that I said or did things that caused you upset or pain. Please forgive me for all of my past failures, ignorance, intolerance, impatience, judgements, bad decisions or anything else that upset you. Please forgive me for stating that I was a Christian when I had no real clue what it meant. Please forgive me for knowing now what it means and still not always measuring up. I was and am broken. I try so hard to be better, but admit that I am never going to be perfect. But I beg you not to displace blame somewhere else.

I love you. You matter. I take the blame and ask for your forgiveness.

This video is something we all need to remind us...

https://lookinside.bible/question/many-bad-feelings-bible/?cid=ps_facebook_LookInside_Apology1&utm_campaign=LookInside&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=paid_social&utm_content=Apology1

Don't Let Go

I see little ones walking with their parents, hand in hand, all of the time. It is interesting to watch the dynamic unfold. Some children follow along quietly with no desire to leave their parent's side. Some are so afraid and shy that they move closer if a stranger gets too close. Some children see something they want and start pulling their hands out of their parent's hands just to get to it. It seems to them that it is something they desperately need. Sometimes they will cry and scream and kick to get away, but the parent knows that they do not know what is best. But as children, we have no idea what is good or bad and cannot see the consequences that may occur. 

As parents, we just want to keep them close and protect them. We look to the future and see how things could play out. We have a sense of good and evil and we don't want our children to suffer at the hands of fate, because they made a misstep. Sometimes we see ourselves in them and know what pain would come if we let them go. And yet sometimes they struggle and fight so hard against our better judgment that we lose a grip on them by accident and go running after them. At times, we choose to let them go. We assessed the risk and the ultimate value in the lesson that they must learn, we know that they will stumble... but the lesson could be so much more valuable to them in the future, that we allow their free-will. 

Mat. 18:6: But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

I look back on my life and I see every single bad choice that I made. I cringe at my own ignorance, stubbornness and the brokenness that led me to pull away and run right into darkness. I can honestly say that some horrific things were not my doing. I was a victim of other people's brokenness, not my own. This is why we fight so hard to keep our children from the darkness of this world. We know and have experienced what is out there; the unthinkable. They are innocent and truly think that nothing bad can happen to them. 

Jm 4: 17: So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

Mk 4:16-17: These are the ones sown on rocky ground: As soon as they hear the word, they receive it with joy. But they have no root in themselves and do not endure. Then, when trouble or persecution comes because of the word, immediately they fall away.

Years ago, when I watched the Passion of the Christ, it hurt my heart so badly to imagine that He was brutalized and was willing to die for my sins those many centuries ago. So, in my mind, every sinful choice that I made was one more stripe that he had to bare to save me. 

I see my past and every single incident where He gently told me no and held onto my hand but I yanked it free and ran into the storm. He hurt for me. He cried for me. He even pursued me. I can hear the words of warning. I can still hear His stern voice and yet feel His unconditional love surround me when I truly did not deserve a thing. He rescued me from myself and a dark world.

1 Pt 2:25: For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.

So, little children, do not wander from Him. Do not assume that you can knowingly make bad choices until your death bed and then be forgiven. Do not keep your children from knowing Him and being able to make their own decisions toward Him. Know that He sees the results of your choices and wants to protect you. If you ignore Him long enough, He could harden your heart so that you do not seek Him at all and he can give you over to your sins. He is the One holding your hand and helping you resist. You cannot do it alone.

1 Jn 3: 6-10: No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.

Is 6: 9-10: And he said, “Go, and say to this people: “‘Keep on hearing, but do not understand; keep on seeing, but do not perceive.’ Make the heart of this people dull, and their ears heavy, and blind their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed.”

Trust me, I am a doctor

Your life, and that of everyone you care about, hangs in the balance. You see the world around you falling apart at the seams. Mental anguish, addiction, brokenness and death surround you. You see no way to save them. Surely this isn't all there is to life? You have lost hope and must find someone who has answers and can make a difference. But all around you are people who are just as lost as you. Some have been lost so long they just started pretending to have figured it out. Some read books but they expect a revelation that never comes. Their problems are still there and they still feel hollow inside. Sometimes we just go along and pretend to be what we aren't just so others think we have it together. We fake it so long that even our families believe it. They don't know the truth. But worse, we don’t know the Truth at all either. We have faked it so long we can’t see it.

We see counselors and doctors for all manner of ailments. Some of us proclaim healing but how did they do it? Are they faking it or are they healed? How can you tell the difference? It is too hard to know the truth. You have to know what to look for but you can't just trust what you see. Look around you. Does the world seem like it still has hope or are there only pockets of people who have found peace and real answers? Did they have to find a doctor too? 

If I walk into the room wearing that white coat, scrubs and a name tag, does it make me a doctor? I look the part. If you were to ask me a few simple questions, I might even sound like I know what I am supposed to sound like. But if you scratch any deeper than the surface, you will find no knowledge, no love for others, no experience or saved lives here. I am just a person with a white coat, scrubs and a name tag. In fact, I used to wear scrubs when I worked in a hospital and was required to assist in the operating rooms. But that certainly doesn’t make me a doctor, so move on.

If I know the book inside and out, but I have nothing else, am I a doctor? I can quote chapter and verse. I really know my stuff and I put most everyone else to shame where knowledge is concerned. But you are hurting and confused, you don't just want answers, you desperately need experience and compassion.  You are looking for a life saver and all that you have found is a book worm. Keep looking. It isn't here.

If I have the desire to be a doctor and I talk about it and want it in my life, but do not read or study, I do nothing to change my life and make it happen, to make a difference, or to live like it, am I a doctor? The desire is there, but I just don't have time. I have my real job, my life partner, my family, my income, my wealth, my house, my addictions, my distraction… whatever that thing is that comes between me and my purpose. You don't want me trying to save your life. I can't even save my own. You haven't found it yet.

I say that I am a doctor but people just irritate me. I have lost my love for others and could care less about them. I went to school. I got the title but I am so much better than everyone else that I just don't care any more. I do my job. I am a doctor. I have experience, knowledge and expertise, but at the end of it all, I have little time for compassion or answers. I want my paycheck but then, leave me alone. Still want me as a doctor? I think not. Now go away.

Are you looking for a doctor? Are you broken? Do you have such a compassion for people that you want to save lives? It would seem that instead of looking to someone else to save a life and change the world, it would be easier to start with you. You change the world one person at a time, from the inside out, starting with you.

To be a doctor, is to be a healer. To be a healer, one must know how to save. To be a savior, one must look to the one with all of the answers, the ultimate Savior, the Healer of all those who seek Him. You have the ability to mend the broken, heal the sick, save lives and souls, change lives and, in effect, change the world around you. You don't need a doctor. You need Christ. He can make you a better ‘healer’ than you can find in this world.

I am not saying that physicians do not have their place. We have physical damage that must be tended to as well. I am talking about inside. The deepest wounds that others rarely know about, see or know how to handle.

If you want to be a true healer, you have to start with you.:

●       Give yourself over to the one true Teacher and Healer of this world. Let Him give you salvation and forgiveness.

            John 14:6: Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to

the Father except through me.

●       Forgive yourself. It is hard to help others when you have a gaping wound yourself. Get to the root of your unforgiveness. Forgive others and yourself. It is poison no to forgive.

            Heb 12:14-15: Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy;

without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of

God and that no bitter root rises up to cause trouble and defile many.

Eph 4:32: Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as

God in Christ forgave you.

●       Find a church to learn, grow and find answers and equally yoked friends. People who can help you be who God wants you to be.

            Eph 4:11-12: So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the

pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of

Christ may be built up. 

●       Study the Word. If you have time for fb, twitter or instagram, you have time for the His Word-Bible.

            Rom 15:4: For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that

through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

●       Check out some of the videos online from Andy Stanley, Joseph Prince, Joyce Meyers or any number of bible believing Christians who have something to make you laugh, learn and love better. (Especially yourself.)

            2 Tim 3:16: All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof,

For correction, and for training in righteousness,

●       Pass the test(s). Tempted? Say no, by His power. He is the great Redeemer of lives. By His power, you are free.

            Lk 10:19: Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and

scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.

●       Continue studying to fully understand the changing world and how to make a difference.  What is it causing pain and darkness in this world? Find it and shed His light. Be the light for others.

            Mat 5 14-16: You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be

hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand,

and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine

before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your

Father who is in heaven.

●       Change lives. You change one life, you change a multitude. The ripple effect is real. Bare fruit.

●       Save lives. You found Him, now share Him.

            Mk 16 15-16: And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the

gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved,

but whoever does not believe will be condemned.’

●       Care about others. Not your job, your car, your things...but others. You must let go to be free.

            Tit 2 11-12: For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all

people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live

self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,

●       Wear the badge unashamedly. You can’t be a part-time Christian. Don't wear it on Sunday and remove it when you get home or go to work. Don't be Peter and deny Him. Live like it, act like it and be it.

            Mat 10:23: But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in

Heaven.

Gal 5 22-26: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, 

faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who 

belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the 

Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another,

envying one another.

●       Honor the oath. The greatest commandment is to love they Neighbor as thyself.

            Mat 22:37: Jesus declared, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all

your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest

commandment. 39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’…

Look, we all are human. We stumble from time to time. That doesn't make us unchristian. But you will be known by your fruits or you won't be known by Christ.

Mat 7 15-20: Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ...