The Struggle

Every day, I struggle to be who God says that I am. Because I am human, some days I don't struggle when I should, I just react like a human. Most times, I am battling old wounds and insecurities, too. I am working in the world and fighting not to be of the world. I am my worst critic as to whether I am worthy to be in God's army. Nothing anyone can feel towards me or say about me could be as harsh as what the evil one already plays over and over through my thoughts.

I suspect that there are many of you who feel the same. I know many of you have just given up trying. You surrender to the fact that you aren't good enough and never will be. It seems easier to just live how you live, and be who you are, rather than whom He says you are and can be. I can't tell you how many times that I have thought those thoughts.

Shouldn't it be easier? Why is the darkness always on the edge and trying to beat me down? When will the struggle end and the peace and joy just be there all of the time? 

Then I sat in church and heard the message, as you should. The day that Satan gives up harassing us, is the day we know that we aren't walking in the Spirit. We are no longer a threat to the darkness. We are no longer sharing our light. I, we, are not going through struggles because we are unworthy. We struggles against the darkness because we are a threat to it. 

Don't give up hope! The darker it seems, the more God can use you! No one has your experience, no one knows your strengths like God. Satan would love to twist you and sift you like wheat, but God uses it for your good AND for the progression of His kingdom.

I'll take faith with no commitment and hold the church

All of the time, from so many types of people, including myself in the past, I hear people say " why do I need to go to church? I can worship from home or in my own way."

Sure you can. But do you? I can't speak for everyone, because I don't know your heart, but as for me, I didn't worship alone. When I used that excuse it was because I was living in sin and wanted it my way. " I'll take faith with no commitment and hold the church." I believed in God and the death of Christ for my sins but I sure didn't want to feel guilty for living worldly as a part-time lower case Christian. I read the Bible, talked to God, called myself a christian and lived like a sinner.

You live like that because you still desire, even worship, the world more than God. Your desires are not aligned with His word and you know it. Going to church to worship and fellowship brings you up close and personal to your guilt and shame. It is better, in your feeble mind, if you do it your way.

You can't stay where you are and be a follower of Christ. To be a follower means that you have to leave where you are AND FOLLOW.

The reality is, I KNOW that when I don't get the filling of my spirit through worship and fellowship, my faith begins to shrivel. I imagine my soul is a vessel that can blossom like a flower when it is given living water of the Word and surrounded by people with His light. But when the world pulls me away and I miss His Word and that love and light, my soul becomes shriveled and dark. 

This world shrivels your soul. Your sins eat away at your soul like weeds in a garden. It robs you of the light and His living water. There is no peace in sin, just as there is no light in worldliness.

By the way, do you know where I got the inspiration for this? ...guess