The Sliver

12-6-16                

Two halves don’t always make a whole. It is a logical theory that sounds good but isn’t always true. We use the term ‘whole’ to mean many things in many situations. I ate the whole thing. I don’t feel whole anymore. That bread is no wholesome. But the whole I am referring to is relational. You can’t have a relationship without two wholes.

When you start out, the ‘whole’ dating thing, typically you are giving it your all. This implies that you are giving it your whole self; you put your best foot forward; you put every effort into seeing where it is going to go. Once you decide that it is a good relationship, one that you wish to continue indefinitely, you are truly full of enthusiasm, affection, consideration… you can hardly think of anything else. Your family and friends and other relationships take a back seat… in fact, it can even affect your work, because all you want to do is to be with that person. That person consumes your thoughts and feelings. In fact, you are so full of “it” that it exudes from your every pore. By “it” I mean that the “it” is the desire to be one with this person, to be one ‘whole’ entity within yourselves; to unite as one.

This kind of relationship excludes all else. You set aside the old ways of dating others and flirting for attention. This relationship now feeds your need for love and affection, your need for feeling attractive and sexy; your identity is wrapped up in this relationship. There is a bond, a commitment, an agreement, a trust that is made between two people who find this type of love. The agreement says that once we call ourselves one, ‘Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.’ [Mark 10:9] In other words, you have no desire to let someone else fill a space in your heart and take from your loved one what you committed to her/him.

But one day, life happens. There before you is someone who draws   your eye, just for a moment. You find yourself looking longer than you should at someone else. You tell yourself that it is just looking. After all, there is no harm in just looking. What is that old saying? “You can look but you can’t touch.”

Meanwhile, at home, you feel funny when the name is mentioned. But no worries, it is innocent, after all. You think about the person from time to time but it isn’t a big deal. You do the same for your friends. Your home life has always been great but your loved one is always asking you if you can pick up after yourself, keep the house a little cleaner or some other menial task you don’t even notice. They come home, jump into their favorite sweats and is always asking you about your day. ‘Why don’t they try to look good to you anymore? I know that I said that I love you just the way you are, but I didn’t mean for you to look that way every day.’

Your loved one, however, has no idea that you feel that way now… or why. All they can do is respond as best they know how and try to find out what is wrong. They blindly go about their life with you thinking it is as it should be.

There is a sliver, just a sliver, that has pricked the surface of your skin and found its way in. You aren’t bothered by it, so  you don’t remove it.

Eventually, since you see this other person so much, you can’t help thinking that they are funny and cool. Maybe because they say and do just the right things to make you laugh or feel good about yourself. They even flirt a little because it is just who they are. They don’t mean anything by it. It is innocent banter between friends. It doesn’t mean anything. Here you are laughing and talking, she touches your arm and says something not even that funny… but you throw back your head and laugh, your smile filled with joy. Something you rarely do at home. You have a new spring to your step. And the comparisons start.

  

You come home and it is always the same thing. Cooking, cleaning and the same old talk, same routine. You both have become so busy that you make conversation. They don’t make an effort to fill you with flirty conversation and humor. They just are who they are.  You still have the “I love you” and “I miss you” and you are affectionate enough when you want or need to be but it just doesn’t have the same affect any more. It doesn’t take a lot of effort or wordplay that it once did. No romance or anything. You have too much going on in your lives to bother with that. Then you think, “Why can’t they be more like______?” The whole thing is just a chore. There is a bit of anxiety over your guilt. And in some small fashion, your passion for your loved one is fading and they feel it.

Your loved one notices how you seem disinterested and easily irritated with even the little things. You have started to withdraw from your normal loving conversations. You don’t have anything romantic to offer. Talking is more of an irritation. ‘Why do they always ask what is wrong?! Nothing is wrong. I am the same person that I have always been. The problem is you?!’ Your loved one isn’t stupid and now they are dejected and hurt. When questions and attempts at being close seem pointless, they begin to distance themselves for protection of the heart.

That sliver under the skin is more than a minor distraction. It is your focus. It has now disappeared under the skin. You would be hard pressed to remove it. It is entering the blood stream almost undetectable, but just enough to feel. You have allowed it a space and it is taking more than enough of your attention. And still,  you keep it there.

You have a pang of interest and even a little anticipation at the thought of striking up another conversation with this new friend. You make excuses to go hang out in their area. You chat it up, you flirt back. You love the way it feels when they flirt with you and build you up. No harm done. You haven’t done anything wrong. It is just words. “I know when to stop”, you say. You have crossed the line. You are being deceptive with your loved one and dishonoring the relationship. If your loved one ever saw how you behave with other people, it would break their heart. You would never say or do the same thing if they were present. You know it but you lie anyway. You are too much of a coward to admit it. You want to be who you are and you can’t with your loved one, so what?!

By now, you just don’t have the time for wordplay at home. You know, the normal loving conversations you used to have, the hugs for no reason, cuddling in bed, speaking words of endearment or affection. After all, they should know that you love them. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. You have little patience for the normal routine and no desire to fix what is broken. Why are they always bugging you about having more time together?! You are together every day, what more do they want? And why the endless questions about what is wrong? I am perfectly fine and just the way that I have always been! They even suspect that you are spending your time and attention elsewhere but they don’t need to know that. It has nothing to do with us. Why are they so paranoid and insecure?

Your loved one is now to the point of insecurity. Something is wrong and, depending on their level of intuition, they search for answers, solutions and use everything they can to figure out why you aren’t the same loving person anymore except with everyone else.  They are becoming resentful for having to hang in there alone. Broken because they have changed their lives to be with someone who acts as if they aren’t important any more, except when it serves you. Now there is a gap the size of the canyon between you but they just don’t have the answer. They ask for attention, they ask for love, they ask for your patience and normalcy and you tell them that you are being normal. They begin to shut down.

You are officially cheating. I venture to say that it started before now. It started with the first inappropriate response to the other person. What started out as a little sliver not meant to harm anyone, has invaded your system, your thoughts, your actions and your heart to the point that you have no idea what side is up. That sliver has smothered the love in your heart for the one that you are committed to. That sliver of darkness doesn’t wait for direction; you simply allow it whatever space it needs. You are in bondage because you did not have the sense or integrity to uphold the simplest and most sacred of commitments in your life.

You just can’t get enough of this attention. You want to go where you ‘are appreciated.’ And there it is… a glimmer of the truth. You can’t get enough. You continue to seek it out. And at what point do either of you think it is too much? And by the time too much happens, in your loved one’s eyes, you have no excuse. It never should have gone that far. But you let it because it was harmless and it felt good. You led the other person into it like a well laid trap so you can’t play victim when it goes ‘too far.’ You are never innocent when it goes too far because too far is at the end of that opportunity to do the right thing, not at the beginning where you should have made better choices.

Do you seriously think that something so seemingly harmless is truly so? You open that door even a sliver and satan will push his way right in. He got you to open your eyes to something new. He convinced you it is okay to share your wordplay with another person outside your home. He got you to sneak around like a fool thinking that it isn’t harming anyone and ‘man, does it feel good!’ And you walk around hiding who you really are to the one person that you promised your life to. Hmmmm. I have a question for you slick. Does that sound like innocence to you, because it is pure sin. Where on this dark earth, or in your vows, did you read that it is okay to lust after someone else to fill your ego? I have another one for you: “And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to have one eye and enter life than have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.” [Matthew 18:9]

While you are being totally self absorbed and spending all of your quality words and time on someone else, that sliver is infecting the committed relationship that you were once so proud of. And if you haven’t driven them to finding their peace in someone else, then chances are, though they have more integrity in themselves than you do, your relationship won’t last much longer. You may twist it and deny it and play innocent, but in reality, you didn’t have the integrity that it took to commit yourself to one person. You tempted fate with a sliver and ended up with a log between you in the marriage bed. Better get right now and change your ways because all sin is brought to light.

“For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that is illuminated becomes a light itself. So it is said: “Wake up, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”…” [Ephesians 5:12-14]

The silent killer of relationships

In today's world, where the negative connotation is taken from almost everything and boundaries are fading, let's be clear about something: Your lack of boundaries, morals and integrity is not victimless. This quiet little killer of relationships is still why people divorce and families are torn apart. It is called trust. It doesn't matter whether you are giving or receiving willingly. You are the problem. It starts here.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/07/06/when-does-flirting-become-cheating-9-red-flags/

When Does Flirting Become Cheating? 9 Red Flags

By Therese J. Borchard 
Associate Editor 
~ 4 min read

According to psychologist Michael Brickey, author of Defying Aging and many other relationship experts, playful bantering or gentle flirting with someone outside of your marriage is harmless if proper boundaries remain intact. Those boundaries differ with each relationship, of course. What would be considered a violation in one marriage might be perfectly acceptable for another couple. Difference of opinions even occur within a marriage.

For example, I know a woman who recently asked her husband to either give her his Facebook password or close out his account after she found an email that he had sent to a former classmate that she found to be rather suggestive. He disagreed and thought it was perfectly appropriate.

Social media sites and online interaction are pushing this issue to dinner tables across the country — much more so than in the past. Katherine Hertlein, a licensed marriage and family therapist interviewed by Discovery News, explains, “You don’t actually recognize that you’re growing closer to someone on the Internet because it just looks like you’re having a conversation, and that’s why I think it could be really seductive in some ways.”

Hertlein believes that cyber cheating is especially appealing to women because they can get their emotional needs met behind a computer in the comfort of their home. However, many polls indicate that seemingly harmless online friendships often develop into intense emotional and physical affairs that can devastate marriages. Recent research has indicated that online cheating usually leads to physical encounters.

So, when does flirting cross that invincible line from innocent bantering to dangerous dialogue? After researching the topic and talking to a few family therapists, I pulled together the following 9 red flags.

1. When it’s secretive.

If you are deleting your emails — either to her or from her — that’s a red flag. Because by deleting them, you are guessing that your spouse would be upset if she read them, and that you are covering up something. Moreover, ask yourself this question: “How would I feel if I knew my wife (or husband) was corresponding to an attractive man in the way I talk to X?” If you feel an uncomfortable knot in your stomach upon answering that question, there you go.

2. If it has a sexual agenda.

This isn’t always obvious, of course. But if you notice that your correspondence with this person feeds your sexual fantasies (because an affair is often about sexual fantasy), then you are probably in dangerous waters. If the communications consist of subtle sexual overtones, watch out. If it feels like foreplay in anyway, that’s not good.

3. If you’re spending a considerable amount of time talking to him (her).

According to marriage therapist Allyson P., a person needs to consider not only the content of the messages sent back and forth but also the amount of them. For example, if you are emailing a “friend” 15 times a day, that’s a tad extreme, even if the content is about SpongeBob Squarepants. A friend of mine confessed to me that she would spent two hours every night on Facebook chatting with an online buddy until she realized that was more time than she was spending with her husband.

4. If you are rationalizing.

“He is just a friend,” is a statement that you don’t say to yourself when you’re involved in innocent communication. Do you feel the need to justify a very safe friendship? No. It’s obvious to you and to your mate that the companionship is completely appropriate. However, you may very well be investing in an unsafe friendship if you are constantly wrestling with guilt or feel the need to rationalize.

5. If it’s meeting your personal needs.

If you are getting your intimacy needs met in an online relationship or with a co-worker with whom you playfully banter, you might stop to ask yourself why. Be especially careful if you’re sharing intimate sentiments with that person that you don’t share with your husband, or if you feel like your online companion understands you in a way that your spouse doesn’t. Be on guard if you are getting fed in any way by him or her that you don’t at home.

Better to address the holes in your life and fill them in safe ways, even if you can’t within your marriage. Keep in mind, a good sex life isn’t just about chemistry.

6. If you talk about your marriage or your spouse.

It’s disrespectful to share intimate details about your marriage or your spouse, and especially in a discourteous manner or with a flip attitude. Imagine that your wife was overhearing your entire conversation. Would you still say it?

7. If your spouse doesn’t like it.

You have just won a red flag if a husband or wife has expressed disapproval of your communications with X, because it usually means that either the content of the correspondence or the amount of it is off balance—that the interaction isn’t totally appropriate, or the time spent talking (online or offline) with the person is distracting from family life.

8. If your friend voices concern.

Pay attention if a good friend asks you why you are talking about this person so much, or if she says something like, “Wake up. You are married. He is married. You need to focus on what you have and stop obsessing about what you don’t.” Friends, sisters, and mothers can often identify the red flags before a person is willing to recognize them herself.

9. If your intentions are wrong.

Let’s say your wife is constantly knocking you down, nagging at you, telling you to lose 20 pounds because she didn’t intend to marry a beached whale. The natural, or at least easy, thing to do is to find an attractive woman who will feed your ego and tell you that you’re sexy, funny, smart, and so on. Some folks may unconsciously seek out an admirer to get their spouse to take notice of them. It can be effective! But it’s also manipulative. There are healthier ways to increase your self-esteem and regain the power that you have lost in your own home.

Skimmin' stones

I encourage you today, to examine your faith. Dig deep and ask yourself if you are living it... or simply skimming the surface. And what blessings do you hope to gain. I claim all that He has promised. Ephesians 4: 22-32

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen. and do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every from of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Now, I know our humanness can get in the way but the idea is to fight through our humanness to be what God has predestined us to be. If you don't believe He can use you in His service, if you believe you are 'too bad to save" or not worth it, you are so wrong. It is in our brokenness that He can use us best. for we serve and speak to those who are lost and broken, and who better to reach them than one of their own?

Ephesians 2:10: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

God prepared in advance what we are to do…how we are to do good. While we aimlessly wander around in the flesh, in the world, lost, He is waiting for us to come to Him. All we have to do is have faith in Christ, repent and ask Him what we should do. His Holy Spirit will guide us to our purpose. God not only wants us to follow Him but He PLANNED for it.

The Bus of Hope

I want to share a page with you so that you can see what God is doing in the world. Find us on Instagram: TheBusofHope. Our mission will be two fold:
1) To convert this bus to a livable RV in the next year and a half. More pics below

2) The second part of this mission is to offer our service of skill sets, which are many, to Teen Challenges and Assemblies of God churches, and their affiliates, in the United States who are struggling with repairs, life coaching needs, ministry, child care, and whatever else God puts on our hearts.

We would have a Needs Request on our website that would enable you to request help. We would bring our bus to the site and stay for as long as is agreed upon to work on the issues at hand. We would hook up to your facilities and stay as long as God prompts us to help. 

This service itself can be for little to no money, although some would help us to defray costs. We would simply need what the disciples needed: To share a meal and fellowship while there. I would have a paypal button for donations eventually as well.

If you know how to get the word out, please share this. I will be working on the website, instagram, and fb pages as I get time. Check out our website at thebusofhope.org and follow our progress on the bus conversion, as well as the missions that we have started at the Teen Challenge, Home of Hope in Casa Grande

Tom removing the tough seats                                                                  Me, hard at work




Our proposed lay out-subject to change

                                  

Trinity Lynn hard at work in her comfy jammys         The bus as it is today

The War Game

The Christian life is like being in a video game. You search your whole life for the secret of life and finally find what makes life worth living, what brings you peace, what brings out love: The sacrifice of Christ and the gift of the Holy Spirit as a guide. You are so in awe that you decide to dedicate your life to Him. Then, after a while, you notice a change, a shift in your dynamic as if there is more than one realm to this world of yours. Your life revolves around Him and you are overflowing with love for your fellow man and a deep sense of peace. Your life went from the worldly realm to a great spiritual realm that you did not know existed.

Your eyes are on the prize, God, but everything in the world is becoming more complicated. Life brings you one distraction after another. You think you are on the right track, and BAM! a distraction comes hurling past, or it actually hits you or it slows down enough to enter your space and connect with you in a meaningful way all of which throws you off course. It could be a good thing, just a normal thing, like a job or person, or it could be easy to conquer, like a friend, an event or a moment of sadness, or it could be monumental and require all of your attention like a loved one relationship issue, a painful experience or an addiction.

All distractions are meant to test your ability to see the truth of the situation and respond without losing your Christ-like view. Some distractions are meant to stay in your life and are innocent, some things randomly hurl into your life but are not meant to stay. They are there to distract you from your course and peace, if you let it. Some distractions are intentionally used by the evil one to throw you into turmoil or self doubt and distract you from your life with God. It is your task to stay entered through-out the game. Even the battle to stay centered can be enough to send you into a tailspin.

All distractions come in various levels and degrees of severity and may be combined with other levels. It is your job to use God’s wisdom and prayer to battle through it. Here are some, but not all ways in which you do battle:

·         Some events/distractions are natural experiences, not 'sent' by anyone but simply part of life. It is your task to distinguish what type it is and maintain your balance. Your level of interaction and possible battle is determined by the level of distraction that it takes.

·         Some distractions are inadvertent and not meant to be yours. The distraction may be meant to be the other person’s journey and distraction, but it simply hurls into your orbit momentarily and inadvertently knocks you off course, or tries to.

·         Some distractions may be sintentional: simple but intentional. Something used to throw you off track on purpose. The distraction could use people you know and love, even other Christians, to throw you off track. It could be your love of music, food, vanity, friends, partying, sexual desire, or your self-doubt, insecurities, jealousy, etc but it takes a deeper meaning and becomes a distraction from Christ.

·         Some distractions are monumental and knock you completely off your orbit. The loss of a loved one, an addiction, relationship issues that cause damage exponentially to you and your family. These require deep prayer and daily battles to win the skirmishes and keep your peace through Christ who strengthens you.

In each situation, you have to conquer each distraction at its smallest part so that it cannot grow in size and overtake your spiritual world. You MUST keep your balance and God as your center.

As you live in the worldly realm but maintain your balance in the spiritual world, you can become confused. All of these other people may be used to distract you and don’t necessarily share your battles in the same way. It is imperative that you lovingly deal with each person so that you maintain your peace but show them the light.  Here are only a few types that have been added to the game:

The dead: Some people seem to just float through life with no struggles at all and they don't notice the spiritual battle. Or maybe they have nothing but battles but they don’t see them for what they are. They are dead in Christ, not yet called, if ever they will be. To them, the world is just the world and they bask in it as it is, oblivious to any spiritual battles. They live by whatever makes them happy in the moment and in the worldly realm. They are doomed, unless something or someone intervenes by the grace of God.

The sleeping: These are people who float in and out of Christianity and may or may not have truly found salvation and truth. It is hard to know where they land in the scheme of things. They may say they are Christian but show no outward sign of spiritual life or change. They don’t have any interest, or it is fleeting, in His word, His purpose for their life or His interaction in their world. They, too, may face distractions or battles and be used against you.

The deserter: Someone who once fought on the side of the Lord. Who once called themselves a Christian, but life happened and they blamed the Lord. Their perspective is that He is responsible for all worldly happenings and should intervene to make the world heaven on earth for them. Human behavior and free will have no accountability in their book. Or perhaps they came to the part where they discovered that being a true Christian required change. One cannot live in the dark or be filled with darkness, and claim to be of the light. One cannot continue in sin and self indulgence and be of the light so they walked away and blamed everyone, including God, instead of just saying, “I would rather die than have to change my worldly ways.” These people can be dangerous. They know enough and are bitter enough to intentionally derail your journey.

The knights: We seem to be at war with the worldly distractions at every turn. We live and work in the world which challenges us forever to be more like Christ and overcome our wounds and scars from the past. We make strides in progress because we have so much ground that we must cover on a daily basis. There is no pride here, simply humility because we know we will always have something that we need to work on. For this reason, and because we are so determined to do nothing but transcend who we were and serve God, we appear to be targeted by distraction more frequently. If you are striving for nothing in the spiritual realm, the evil one won’t bother with you as much, except for a laugh or two.

The Saints: Some people feel overwhelmed because they always seem to be in battle and yet have the good fortune to stay centered. We see them from the outside and think they have it all together. They hold their wounds close and never let you see their pain nor let you see when they are in battle. These people keep others at an arms length, as if living up to a standard that doesn’t exist. They can be of any temperament or personality but still can be used to distract you. Just the nature of appearing unflappable and better than can cause you to compare yourself and kindle doubt. This, in itself, is a distraction.

What is the purpose of the game? What is the actual prize? There are always incentives along the way. Each time you conquer a distraction or skirmish that you have with a worldly thing, you gain power. Each time you conquer doubt and weakness, you gain peace and love. Each time you defeat the evil one, you gain momentum. Each time you push into a relationship with the Lord, despite the battle around you, you learn to see and hear the Lord guiding you, through the Holy Spirit. Consider Him your own Holy Spiritual guide. Each time you not only fight and win, but serve God’s purpose for your life, you win more souls for God. You gain more allies in the battle. In the end, you are given eternal life for serving Him in this world and winning souls for His Kingdom.

Ask yourself where you are at in the game. What side are you really on? Where is your focus? Are you calling yourself a Christian but working for the other side? Are YOU the distraction for the enemy? Are you a deserter? Have you walked away from the fight to just live in the world thinking it was easier?

It is a war. It is a daily battle. Don’t kid yourself. Know that you are not alone. Millions of people live in this world and playing out some variation of this game. You are never alone and you may travel between extremes but know this: God loves you. He will always love you. He will always pursue you. His goal is always to win you and make you successful in His kingdom. If He calls you to it, He will give you the tools to do it. He WILL call the weakest among us to use for His purposes. So YES, you are doing His will if you are staying in the battle. 

Mistakes on Purpose

Did you ever notice that when your pet does something wrong, she hides from you? ( I say she because we have three lovely female Chihuahuas.) The other night, Lily, the youngest, stayed in her house all night. We had to coax her out to lay on the couch with us. It wasn’t until I turned on the light to the back hall that I realized why.

Having owned three dogs all this time, I should have done so immediately. But I just forget that even if they know better, they still fall short some times. They know not to, they don’t want to, they even scratch at the door at night to warn us, but sometimes they just can’t help it. Sometimes it is an accident, sometimes it is a mistake on purpose. Who knows? Their love for us doesn’t change the fact that they are fallible. Our love for them doesn’t change because they make mistakes.

This brought to mind my motherhood. I remember, decades ago, when my children were still young. They were out of the house and trying to live their own lives. It seems to me we talked regularly… most times. I would try to call them, no answer. I would email…nothing. I could always tell when they were making mistakes on purpose. Sometimes, when I would talk to them in person, I could always tell. They couldn’t look me in the eye. They changed the subject. They did whatever they could to try to avert my attention from the mistakes they were making on purpose. Sometimes, sadly enough, they avoided me altogether. I would go months without being able to talk to them. I would hurt to be near them. But if they were doing well, and being good, they would come out of hiding and be filled with joy.

It was similar to my work world as well. I was an investigator. I used to keep a jar of candy on my desk and offer it to those I would ‘interview’ about wrong doing. I was personable, respectful and understanding and yet, some people just wouldn’t accept the candy. Now, there are many more signs to guilt than this one, I am fully aware. There would be a cluster of signs that indicated potential mistruth. And more times than not, once they broke open and started talking, they felt better. And they almost always said that they would take that candy now. Guilt is a powerful motivator.

This isn’t new. This goes all the way back to the beginning of time. When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden, they hid from God. Why would we be any different?

Genesis 3:8-10 “⁸ And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool^[a] of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?”^[b] 10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.”

You know what? We still hide. As children, adults, Christians, non-Christians… we know, but we still make mistakes on purpose. We rationalize. We justify. We even get angry for an imagined wrong so that we can point to that and say, “No, it is because of _____, not because I am doing wrong!” I did it. You did it. For all I know you may still be doing it. But let me tell you this. He sees all. He knows all. Your sin will find you out just like it did our children, our parents and so many others that thought they were smarter than that. He is waiting for you to turn away from your wrong doing and come back to him.

 The good news is that God loves us. The bad news is that He hates sin. God never changes. He and His word are always the same. Sin separates us from God. (Remember the last post? You can’t have unforgiveness and sin and still be His.) We cannot be of the light and have sin in us. Will He use us and even save us from ourselves when we are in sin? I think so because He was with me and guiding me throughout my sinful journey. But will He eventually harden our hearts towards Him for continued sinning? Absolutely. He does that countless times in the bible. You see, He wants us to be saved. He loves us even when we sin on purpose. He knows what is in our hearts and Lord knows, literally, that the Holy Spirit tries to guide us in truth. But we have free will and that messes us up.

Don’t sin too long, don’t stray too far, don’t use it as an excuse to stay in sin. Or you may find that your own guilt and sin has hardened your heart to the point where He just lets you go. I personally would rather die, than be without the peace that surpasses all understanding. This world is too dark and twisted for me alone. Chaos rules in darkness and in this world. But He has given me peace.

He loves you, despite your mistakes on purpose. I love you despite your mistakes on purpose. I am pleading with you. Get right with the Lord. Confess your sins to Him, trust in Him as Lord and savior. Learn to say no and He will give you the strength to get to that place of peace.

Oceans and storms

I love the ocean. I am compelled to be near it. I can sit and watch it for hours on end and have to pull myself away from it. On my last few visits to the ocean, I realized that I feel closer to God when I am there… thunder and lightning storms, too. I will actually speak aloud to Him, praising His might and glory. When you see the world come together in such fantastic ways, when you see your hand and the intricate bone structure and amazing movements, when you watch a butterfly emerge from a chrysalis… these things fill me with such a wonder and joy.

Well, the other day, on my walk in the forest with Him, I pondered why it is that the ocean has a more powerful affect on my emotions and closeness to God, in my mind, than the forest does. Nature is nature and He made it all. I love every aspect of exploring His creation… but the ocean… wow. I absolutely love the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. The way they are constantly in motion and you cannot fathom the complex nature of everything hanging in the balance of that movement. The high tide, the low tide, the changes… it is all so powerful.

And thunder storms. There is nothing more awe inspiring than the thunder and lightning and rain of storms. In the last two years here in Flagstaff, I was blessed with major rolling thunder and lightning for hours on my birthday. Even when it wakes me up, which is never a good idea unless it is an emergency, I lay in wonder and praise God for this glorious gift. I giggle and smile and lay there just listening to the sound of His power and might.

So, as I walked through the forest chatting with Him, it dawned on me: I realized why I love the ocean and thunder storms so very much more. The forest is quiet and still, for the most part. I walk through it and it is there for me in all of its beauty, yes. But I can’t see the change take place. Unless I sit in one place for hours, I can’t see the flowers open and close their little pedals in answer to the sun and cold. I can’t see the changes in the trees or the shifting of the rock. Other than the animals, there is little movement as I walk through the environment unnoticed.

But when I sit by that ocean, there is nothing BUT movement and activity and power and might! The waves crash upon the shore as mighty bursts of energy, changing the surface of the shore and land. Nothing sits still or has a chance to get stagnant. I hear and see and feel it all as I sit in wonder of that vast expanse of water. As I talk to God and watch His creation, I am filled with love and appreciation.

Thunderstorms are the same. I want to believe that He is giving me a gift that is only for me. It is active. I can see, feel, hear and touch the elements that He creates. I am never closer than when He is interacting with the earth and with me. That is how I feel. That is why it is a more powerful enjoyment and closeness to Him.

Next time that you are out there enjoying the ocean or hearing a wonderful thunder storm, bask in the glory of His gift to you. Stay just a little longer. Connect with Him on a new level.  

Salvation, but not for you??

I don’t know what made me think this. Maybe it is because I am still amazed that God loves me, Christ died for me and I am on this path that blows my mind and brings me such peace in this world. I still have visions of past sins in my life. I still struggle with humanness now. I am, after all, a human. But I look at my life and all that I have done and been through and I know that there are people who knew me before who say, “Who does she think she is? I remember when….” Some of those people are in my own family. Some call themselves friends, or did. Trust me, people, you can’t hate who I was or how I was any more than I did and do. So it leads me to think and write about who couldn’t be saved?

All of us have our own ideas of who can’t possibly find forgiveness and salvation. There is a long obvious list of rights and wrongs. One only has to look at the ten commandments and through the bible to know what sin looks like.

Exodus 20: 2-17: (The Ten Commandments)

But the bible talks so much more about who we should be, how we should act and what is considered sin. I would like to say it is obvious to most of the world, but truly, it appears that the world has no idea what sinful behavior really is anymore. We justify all kinds of sin and desensitize the world about what is sin. There is not much left to call sin, according to the world, except what grieves us personally. Newsflash: Something as basic as unforgiveness, not loving each other and having hate in your heart is sin. In the book of Matthew, we have enough scripture to fill our lives with knowledge.  

Unforgiveness: Matthew 6: 14-15: “14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Unloving: Matthew 5: 43-48: “⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor^[i] and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? ⁴⁸ Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Hate: Matthew 6:14-15: “²¹ “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,^[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ ²² But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister^[b][c] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’^[d] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.”

These are the human sins that are sometimes hardest to recognize in ourselves and hardest to dethrone. Let me tell you something: It seems to me, from the work that God has been doing in me and it has been a long road, that my biggest sins seemed very hard to relinquish… until I gave them up. There is such a peace and joy in being able to say to your flesh, “No!” The rush of love and satisfaction that comes from obeying is more powerful than any drug. Once we say no, we can feel the love of God for being obedient! The more we relinquish to God, the more He can do in us and through us! But, those little things, ohhhhhh, those are the hard ones to see in ourselves and the hardest to work on. (Jealousy, insecurity, unforgiveness, hatefulness, selfishness, vanity, pride… the list goes on) Those seemingly small things can tighten satan’s grip on your heart. It takes vigilant prayer and constant correction.

Oh, but you say that these things aren’t enough to keep you from finding salvation? Hmmm. Let’s look at what the bible says about that.

1 John 2:9: “⁹ Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness.”

1 John 4:20: “²⁰ If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot^[a] love God whom he has not seen.”

1 John 3:15:  ^“15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”

How bad are you really? Are you bad enough that you can’t get into Heaven? Did Christ really die for you? Is your name in the Book of Life? How is your heart these days? Are you on His team or are you going to the place where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth? See. These questions can tear a person up inside. We are our own worst critics, regardless of how we act on the outside. But do you really KNOW the answers?

I am old. It is clear that I am old by the color of my hair and the transformation of my facial features and physique. I have lived a very long life, a secular life, one filled with sin, self-indulgence and sorely lacking boundaries.  I am a sinner. Do I have a right to say that I am justified and righteous? How can I possibly claim to be a Christian at my age and with my history? How can any of us?

If there were degrees to sinners, I wonder how we would be labeled. Let’s say that sinners are rated from 1 to 10. Number ten on the list of sins being the worst sinner. (Kind of like the ten most wanted list.) I wonder where each of us would end up on that list right this very moment. After all, my opinion of my sins will definitely be different from your opinion of my sin… and visa versa. Thank GOD literally that we are not to judge each other. So if murder and molestation are worst, how would we define lying, cheating, drug abuse, unforgiveness, hatefulness and sexual immorality? Where would they land on the sin scale?

Well, in reality, there are only two points on the scale, not ten. All sin falls into one category and the righteous fall into the other. Well, it truly is that simple, and then again it isn’t. After all, it isn’t what we say, it is what our hearts believe. The bible says such:

John 3:16-21: “¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. ¹⁸ Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. ¹⁹ This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. ²⁰ Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. ²¹ But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.”
Romans 10: 8-11: “⁸ But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,”^[d] that is, the message concerning faith that we proclaim: ⁹ If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰ For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. ¹¹ As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.”^[e]   

We know that we are saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. If we believe that Christ has died on the cross for our sins, that He rose again, we confess our sins and have faith, then we are saved. But did you know it is more than just a quick saying and you are in the club? I am not talking about works. Works won’t get you in no matter who you work for or what you give away. If you are sincere and are truly saved, there will be outward signs of faith. You will not desire to stay the same, you will be changed.

Matthew 7:17-20: “¹⁷ Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.”
1 John 2: 3-6: “³ We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. ⁴ Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. ⁵ But if anyone obeys his word, love for God^[a] is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: ⁶ Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.”
This being said, ask yourself if you are truly saved. Are you walking in sin and darkness or are you obeying His word. Are you working for charity and calling yourself a Christian, but living in sin and disobedience? Are you in or are you out? Are you light or darkness? This is why bible study and fellowship is crucial. It brings us closer to His word, desire for our lives and inward changes. God knows your true heart, but do you?