Damaged Goods

                              

Do you ever feel as if you just can’t get a handle on the daily/worldly responsibilities and distractions that take you away from God? Do you ever feel as if you are constantly being tested and torn from His side, only to fall on your face? Do you ever tell yourself that you are just too imperfect and broken so you must be mistaken about God’s ability to use you? Do you feel like you are waiting forever for His direction for your life and that it isn’t happening because you just aren’t ever going to be ready? Yea. Me, too. That is exactly what the enemy wants to make you believe, too.

I have been working on Demolishing Strongholds and am at the point where I need to repent for all of my strongholds. At 50+ years old, I had developed a LOT of bad habits and sinful ways and thoughts. By the grace of God, most of the ones that I considered major have been defeated over the years, prior to the reading of Demolishing strongholds. You would be amazed at the miracles that God has performed to free me of the bondage I had been in.  

But now, I have been looking inward (Demolishing Strongholds). I have been analyzing my thought process and feelings. Digging that deeply into my thoughts and feelings makes me feel as if I am never going to get free of my humanness. I feel as if I am being tested in every direction to see how I will react. I also feel as if I am failing miserably, when I most need to succeed. But through the process, I have discovered even more strongholds than I knew I had. Fear & insecurity are one of the big ones… along with independence.  Go figure.

Many of you who know me would not think of me as fearful. But you see, just because I press forward and fight, that doesn’t make me fearless. Obviously, though I proclaim God’s great love, mercy and power in this world, I have believed that it is for everyone else, not for me. I felt that I will never be good enough to deserve His mercy and grace. Do you know how it feels to be orphaned, rejected and unwanted? Despite all that I do; reading, studying and encouraging others, I still felt less than, or on the outskirts of His blessing. Despite KNOWING all that He has saved me from, even when I was in sin, I still felt unworthy and disconnected! Yes. I am fearful and insecure. My independence keeps me from exposing it to others. I simply push past it and/or bury it. I see it and feel it, you never will. Get the picture? Sure you do. We all do it. We hide our weakness.

The enemy loves to use your weaknesses against you. He uses it to keep you feeling inadequate. He loves to convince you that you are unworthy and that it is pointless to pursue righteousness. He is forever telling you what you did, or what you were, but not what you can be. This keeps you defensive and negative in the world. If you buy into it and just keep pouring bad choices upon bad choices, he has succeeded. You are then unable to be used by God. But if we push past it, understand where it comes from and allow God to work it for good in us, we can use it to our advantage.

1 Peter 5: 6-11: “6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

I am reading a book that Pastor suggested called, ‘In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day’ by Mark Batterson. Oh my goodness, this book is so amazing and refreshing! The idea is that we should be bold enough to chase the lion instead of run from it; that the adversity which we face in life should be turned into ministry opportunities. Without adversity, we have less potential to help others.  Because after all, what experience can we draw from if we have had no experiences? He says it like this, “Almost like a broken bone that needs to be reset, God breaks us where we need to be broken. He fractures the pride and lust and anger in our lives, but He does it to remodel us into His image. And once we heal, we end up stronger than we were to begin with.” Batterson says, “…it is almost as if God is saying: Listen, I owe you a favor. Let me let you suffer.” Notice his choice of words? He said ‘let’ you suffer, not ‘make’ you suffer. Our choices, circumstance and the outside world make us suffer. God does not make us but he allows us to suffer.

Batterson used Paul as an example. Paul suffered so much adversity for his faith and yet, it made him more determined and faithful. He ministered to everyone. But it is up to us to USE the experience to minister to others. Batterson puts it like this, “…if you allow God to translate your adversity into a ministry, then your pain becomes someone else’s gain.”

One only needs to look at the highly effective Teen Challenge program to know that this is true. The same people who walk through those doors addicted, broken and with what seems like insurmountable odds against them, are transformed into beautiful examples of what God can and will do for those who love Him.  They become what He meant them to be! (I used to always tell Brandy that she is the only one who could not see what a beautiful person she was. And I didn’t mean her beauty in the way that the world does, although she is that also. I meant her heart. I saw who she was inside, the person that God meant her to be.) By the end of the 13-18 month program, their bondage is broken, their wounds are healed and they have a deeper understanding of the events in their lives that led them to sin against themselves and God. When they complete the program, their hearts are full of hope and love, so much so that they feel compelled to share it with others. Many choose to stay on as staff and minister to other broken souls, forgoing worldly lives and desires.

Don’t think you are different or less. There is NOTHING that God can’t heal. I have seen him remove bondage/addictions to drugs, alcohol, adultery, greed, sex and all manner of sinful behaviors. Don’t think of your adversity and pain as punishment. Don’t look at it from the ‘why me’ mentality. Thank God for His desire to allow the pain, to break you where you need it so that you can be humbled and useful to His kingdom… if you choose to be.     

So when you are facing adversity, when you are tempted to beat yourself up, STOP. You are worthy! You are being refined for God’s purposes. Turn it to His good and find blessing. Choose healing, choose ministry.