I have a false teacher in my head

Last night I was thinking about the various stages my feelings of self- worth, as a Christian, goes through in one day. Does anyone else go through this? I don’t even want to admit this, but for the sake of humility and others, I will. I have this image in my head of what a Christian woman looks like. I envision some sweet little person with a loving heart that everyone knows. She is seamlessly doing everything the Lord asks, never questions herself or Him, never thinks, says or does anything bad, or human, and has a loving word of encouragement for any situation that hits her in the gut. If you were to get an audio/visual of her there would be angels singing and humming around her in that angel’s sounding way and she would have a shining halo over her head with the sweetest smile every second of the day.

I think I have a false teacher in my head. Either that or maybe I am just a bad Christian. No one knows the heart of man, except God. So I can’t get into your head and see how you think or really feel. But I suspect this and want everyone else who doubts themselves to understand. 

First, you are not alone. I believe that everyone… I mean, EVERYONE right down to the pope, still struggles with fleshly desires and sin of some kind. By fleshly desires and sin, I mean, every negative, profane, vane, gluttonous, hateful, envious, idolistic (my own word), selfish, lime-light stealing, mean, prideful, resentful, sexually impure, greedy, petty, lazy, untruthful… all of the potential that we humans have to sin or turn something sour, is possible because we are not God. We are human! 

Remember that little image of the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other? Well, it is our fleshly sinful selves battling over territory with the spiritual Christian selves that we are trying to become. I think sometimes I have a split personality because I am forever correcting myself for something. We have a battle for righteousness going on in our bodies every second of the day. Like the angel & devil, we have to police every choice we make, every thought, every word out of our mouths, every urge, every motive and then double check to make sure we are doing things the right way for the right reasons. I even try to do good things and have to make sure it is because I am compelled to do them and not for recognition. I mean, wow! I can’t even do good without having to police myself!? 

But you know what? It is a refining process. It is a slow refining of who we are as humans into what God meant us to be and this takes time and effort. It starts by sifting out the glaring sins that everyone sees and knows about. Those are the boulders. The first one is usually the biggest and it is sometimes a big struggle to let it go. But the very first time that you say no to it, you are blessed with such a peace, that it gives you the strength to say no again and again… and forever. Then, as you dig deeper into His Word and listen to the pastor’s sermons, you start to see the sin in your words, your heart, your actions, your inactions and in others over time. You start to catch yourself in each wrong action as you think, say or do it… or fail to do it. You also recognize sin in others. 

Then you find yourself explaining to people why you are suddenly changing. Or they just bad talk you behind your back and call you a hypocrite because they really don’t get it. You may have to remove yourself from those who aren’t Christians and those who profess to be, but act like they aren’t, in order to keep your balance. But the need to police yourself, in some areas, never goes away. We are of the flesh and as such must be diligent in guarding our hearts against sin so that we can live in the Spirit for God. 

You may have a false teacher in your head, but you have God’s permission to ignore it. Read the Word, pray for wisdom, stay in church for fellowship and inspiration and let God mold you into who you were meant to be.