I would like to introduce myself but I am not sure
who you want to meet first. I am a Christian. I am a licensed minister with the
Assemblies of God. I am a major Teen Challenge advocate and supporter (not just
for teens, mind you!). I am a servant of God. My goal is to spend what time
that I have left on this earth just serving God in whatever capacity that He
has for me.
I am a Finance/Office Manager for a non-Christian,
non-profit, 220 acre Public Garden, too. In my job in the world, I am the hub
of financial and personnel responsibility. I handle all income, expenses,
audits and taxes. I respond to employees, constituents and an array of
strangers with questions. Well, mostly I direct them where they need to go but
at times, I answer.
In my worldly capacity, I got an email about an
event that we were holding. The person wanted to know “Is this event a God
friendly event?” Well! I thought I would finally get to utilize my Christian
training for this answer! I spent an hour drafting this response so that I had
worded it carefully and added the appropriate scripture about the use of wine
and bible verses about drunkenness. In the end, I told her that it was her choice
and she had to search her heart and scripture and decide for herself. Quite
content with my answer, I hit send.
The next day, I received her reply. “Oh my gosh! I
meant is it ‘dog’ friendly! I am so embarrassed!” Needless to say, so was I.
:-) But we both had a good laugh. You see, I had gotten so excited to put on my
Christian hat in this secular world for a change because, as you know, they are
two distinctly different perspectives.
In the world, I work 8-9 hours a day on a computer
with complex financial and personnel issues. I spend all day calculating, training,
resolving, straining and requesting. I do not have time nor think of the
niceties of the job. I just fire off emails requesting information and hoping
it gets back in time to get one more thing off of my plate. By the time that I get
home I am mentally exhausted. In fact, I feel as if my brain is in a pool of
mush on the floor at work about an hour before I leave. I have no desire to
read, look at a computer screen or watch anything any more complex than Andy
Griffith.
The sad thing about it is that I can barely get the
energy to read a biblically based book, my bible studies or my bible for that
matter. I feel that I spent it all on making a living and I feel terrible about
that! One day at work I was praising a coworker who is always so fiscally
responsible. Her response was to sweetly say that she heard that the best way
to “get on my good side” was to make sure she turned in receipts on time and
tried to spend wisely. That saying struck me like a bolt of lightning and left
me burnt. The smell, the affect of those words burned deep in my soul. I
realized the full affect of being two different people after all. It crushed me
but gave me an intense resolve.
Philippians 2:21 “For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus
Christ.”
As a Christian, we want to learn and grow in the
Lord. We desire a deeper relationship. We seek perfection knowing that it is
unattainable. We see brokenness and want to heal it. In fact, we want to give
up our careers to do nothing but serve God. And I was failing in the one place
that I could do the most good, at work in the world. Don’t get me wrong. I am
not mean. My work self is overwhelmed and understaffed. I hurry through the
tasks of the job not taking time to preface emails or conversations with
pleasantries and inquiries. I simply and quickly request that, “I need you to
send me this so I can finish the reconciliation.” or “I need those codes.”
You see the difference? If I were at church or in a
Christian setting, I would, first of all not be under such pressures, to be
sure but secondly, I would take the time to ask about them, listen to them and
move into the real issue at my leisure. I have sense learned to use niceties in
a genuine way at work.
Matthew
6:32-34:
“For the pagans pursue
all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and Hisrighteousness, and all these
things will be added unto you. Therefore do not worry about
tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its
own.…”
But I want to share with you another difference.
When we live in the world we are fraught by the weight of responsibilities. We
have to do a job, rely on a pay check, feed and clothe our family, pay our
bills on time, fight to survive and we tend to feel isolated and alone because
there is so little time for self or peace. It is 90% darkness and stress and
maybe 10% peace and light. Not always, but for someone struggling with
addictions, it can be.
For those who go into the Teen Challenge Christ based
substance abuse programs, it is different. Here it is 90% love and light and
peace and 10% stress. Yes, there are responsibilities but essentially, they
have left the world behind. They are in an environment for a year to a year and
a half that is filled with love, compassion, understanding, patience, light and
security. They are free from the stresses of this world so that they can
concentrate on trusting others, especially God, exploring their wounds,
learning their love language and the tools to survive in the real world when
they complete the program.
You must understand that we all have wounds. Some of
us just don’t recognize that we have them, don’t know where they are and,
because of this, we respond in anger or hurt when someone else pushes on them. I
remember in Teen Challenge Home of Hope, I would hear the girls say to each
other, “Don’t say that! It’s a wound!” They were learning to recognize that
their responses in the world, which were sometimes violent and/or impulsive to
certain input, was the direct response to something in their lives that hurt
them deeply and stuck with them forever.
We all have wounds. One of mine is the word ‘stupid.’
I had a step-brother who shook me when I was about five years old and kept
telling me to say that I am retarded and stupid. He wouldn’t stop until I said
it. Our life was dysfunctional to say the least, but it stuck with me forever.
In my mid twenties, I was given a chance to go to college, paid by my job.
Every single semester I thought it would be my last and I would be sent back in
shame. I really thought I was stupid and they would find out by my failing
grades. Even though I achieved an A or B and would graduate to the next
semester, I STILL feared failure up through the very last semester when we had
to take the hardest courses all at once.
Psalm
147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their
wounds.”
We believe the lies of the enemy. I don’t know why
it is easier to believe the lies instead of the truth, but we do. The evil one
knows where your weaknesses are and he wants to exploit them so that he can
keep you in darkness and fear. Fear is the opposite of faith. Darkness is the
opposite of light.
Not only that but he hides other people’s wounds
from you as well. Just as they walk around ignorant of your wounds and hurting
you with their words, you do the same because you don’t have a clue where their
wounds are or that they even have them.
1 Peter 5:8: “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil
prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
If the evil one can keep you all wallowing in your
wounds, then you are in darkness and not in the light and you are farther from who?
China? (Just seeing if you are still with me. J ) The Lord! We
tend to lose hope, our confidence in the Lord and stop seeking His word doe us,
stop reading our bibles and believing in who God says we are when we are wallowing
in our wounds. We lose hope, we lose faith, we don’t trust God and we think we
are alone. It is a big lie!!! We are never alone!
Ephesians 6:12: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against
the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this
present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”
Another way that we are kept in the dark and held
down is by our own choices and inability to see the scheme of the enemy. The
enemy will use others close to you to knock the breath out of you and make you
stumble. He knows your weaknesses and he knows who to use to tempt you. He will
use people that you know and love, he can even inadvertently use people that
you know to be Christians to dissuade you and hold you back. Don’t ever think
that Christians are perfect and immune to saying or doing the wrong things. We
all still have our own agendas and weakness that we struggle with as well. Some
are just harder to get to than others.
Your weaknesses are you ex, your old friends still
in the bad life, your broken family, distrust, insecurity, jealousy, drugs,
alcohol, anger, lust, greed, pride, unforgiveness…. Let me park it here for a
moment. Unforgiveness is like poison. You swallow it and hope that someone else
gets sick by it. But it isn’t them that is affected by it. It poisons you and
your relationship with God. All of these things interfere with your ability to
get closer to God. The bible is clear. You cannot serve two masters. You cannot
be filled with one and yet have the Holy Spirit in you as well. It is one or
the other.
2 Corinthians 12:9: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my
power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly
of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
2
Corinthians 10:4: “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but
have divine power to destroy strongholds.”
You can win this battle, though it rages against you
daily. God is the victor! The weapons you use will save you from darkness. Stay
connected to God through His word. Read your bible. Get on Youversion and read
the millions of bible studies too. Stay connected to your Christian network of
friends, your church, your right choices, and yes, your wounds. As long as you
know where your wounds are and why they are there, no one can trick you into
fallen victim to them.
Recognize the battle. It is warfare. Fight the
battle with the full armor of God and be the victor! When he attacks, shake
your head and say, “You can’t win this one. It is already won. I am a child of
God!”
Ephesians 6:11: “Put on the whole
armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.”
Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for
welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
