Friday, April 7, 2017
Foreboding
There is a strong sense of foreboding that has left me restless and without sleep for weeks now. I always hear how people 'rest in the Lord' and yet, here I am again... restless. I listen for answers to no avail. I search for myself but come up half empty. It is a sense of apprehension that troubles my very soul. I am not sure from where it comes, and it doesn't really matter, because I know that He has power over ALL things.
We all have trials and suffering because we are human and live in this flawed world. We have no control over what others do. We can only be accountable for ourselves and live above reproach for Him.
Still, I plead for rest. My soul cries out for peace in the truth. I pray and listen. I seek and do not find. I pray the Lord will reveal the reason in His timing, and yet, I must plead for hurried reprieve. The anxiety interferes with my spirit. It brings dark clouds to rest above sunny days. It looms like a thief, ready to steal what does not belong to him.
Even so, in this, I know the Lord will have mercy in His due time. I feel that He is preparing me. Either I am struck by lightening with no warning... or in His mercy, I am able to see the dark clouds gathering so that I can prepare myself and trust that He has got this. Lord, I am prepared and I know that You are in control... though I may not be where You need me to be.
His message seems to be: Now is not the time. He will reveal what is hidden in a way that cannot be refuted, but only when I am in a place that I need to be so that when the light reveals what is hidden, I am able to go where He WANTS me to go. His ways are not my ways and they will work for my good. He is merciful. Nothing can remain hidden in the dark that He wishes to bring to the light.
And with that, I try to sleep again.
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Look inside
This is a long overdue apology. This is a brilliant way to explain it in a way that allows you to place the blame where it belongs. With me. With us.
So let me do my part too. Please forgive me for the decades that I said or did things that caused you upset or pain. Please forgive me for all of my past failures, ignorance, intolerance, impatience, judgements, bad decisions or anything else that upset you. Please forgive me for stating that I was a Christian when I had no real clue what it meant. Please forgive me for knowing now what it means and still not always measuring up. I was and am broken. I try so hard to be better, but admit that I am never going to be perfect. But I beg you not to displace blame somewhere else.
I love you. You matter. I take the blame and ask for your forgiveness.
This video is something we all need to remind us...
https://lookinside.bible/question/many-bad-feelings-bible/?cid=ps_facebook_LookInside_Apology1&utm_campaign=LookInside&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=paid_social&utm_content=Apology1