To be a tree or a river

                                                                                       

I was contemplating the complexity of our lives here on earth yesterday. In fact, I was almost demanding some sort of insight on how best to approach mine. I sat on the mountain and watched a lizard sun bathe on a rock. I knew he heard my voice as I spoke out loud to God. (It is kind of a good thing that no one else was around. : ) But sometimes when we are distressed nothing short of shouting out to Him or speaking clearly your pain, will do. As if by speaking the words we have a better chance of Him hearing our plea. 

The lizard just listened. The butterfly just flew around like it didn’t have a care in the world. The trees swayed in the wind. The leaves rustled on the ground, the pine cones fell and the earth just seemed to know what to do. I was in awe. I wondered out loud, ‘Is it easier being an animal?’ Are they without the complexity of emotion that humans bare. Are they void of the relationships, obligations, communications, responsibility and emotions that we endure? Is it easier to serve God as a tree? Is it just as glorious, or more so, to serve God by doing what you were purposed to do without fanfare, without drama, without the complexities that we humans create in our humanness? 

We are slowly conditioned to think and feel and do the things we do, right or wrong. We are a reasoning being and yet we do not have the ability to reason well. It too must be learned. We are at the mercy of our worldly teachers. We are swirling in a pool of darkness in this world. Some we create and some we endure. Nothing is without emotion, reason, relationship, communication, and responsibility. 

We are broken. We start as simple loving instruments of His creation, but are left in the hands of imbeciles, in comparison to what God had in store for us. We are as a fine piece of china that over time is aged and weathered with hairline cracks and chips. We start out for one purpose only but our journey is in the discovery of that purpose and we don’t even know it. We are blind by the darkness and searching for the light, but unaware. While we stumble and fall and break and despair, he molds our weakness into the good of others. 

We search in the dark and He shares with us His light. All the while, we search. When we open our eyes and see Him there, is when our true journey begins. Then we at least begin to look in the right place, and for a new purpose, to live for Him. 

Oh, to be a tree or a squirrel or a river. What would it be like to just exist for His purpose from the beginning and without question?

Wrestling with satan

3-7-14

I recall reading in the bible about Jacob wrestling with God and getting his hip out of joint. I imagine more of us wrestle with satan, than we do God. That is exactly what I did last night. You see, we have many skirmishes with satan over a course of a day. Many are so minute that we may not even realize that we are struggling with a light or dark issue. I am not talking chicken meat here. J We sometimes think that we struggle more than most. We also think that we lose more than most. And it doesn’t really matter if the issues are big or small, are thoughts, words, actions or inactions. The point is that we all do battle more than daily to guard our minds and hearts against darkness.

I share this with you so that you know that you are not alone. I also share it because it shows how perseverance and God’s grace and love, will overcome. And I don’t even know if there is a ‘proper’ procedure to such things. I just talk to God and satan as I would to you.

I have been wrestling with many past wounds. Deeply imbedded wounds that have been picked at over and over through my long life of bad experiences compiled with bad decisions. At times, it comes to a head and I cannot sleep. My mind is racing and I am combating satan’s lies, while pleading with God to show me the way out. The trouble is, I think I spend far too much time arguing with satan, than listening to God. Satan keeps me busy on purpose. Anyways…(my mom used to say that all the time… )

I laid there tossing and turning, debating and refusing to succumb to satan’s bait. (Good book by the way “The Bait of Satan.”) I would slip into the negative and pull myself back out over and over again. I am easily distracted by my weakness of inadequacy. It was like slipping into quicksand. I would repeatedly call satan a liar and yet my mind would reinforce the lies with imagined supporting facts. But knowing better, my new saying has become, “God brings truth to light. Satan brings deception and darkness.” And I was in darkness on and off for months now.

This isn’t my first all night rodeo. And the other evenings didn’t end as well. I kept repeating the name of Jesus. I would ask God to help me, to get me out of it, show me the door. I would tell myself what I thought I should do differently to change it. That’s me, always thinking I have control. But I would slip back into doubt and darkness. Then it struck me, I can’t win against darkness until I become the vessel of light and love that I used to be. I had allowed satan to bury me in daily arguments, defenses and doubts until I spent more time with Him than with God. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still do daily bible study, but I mean all day long listening to satan! THAT is why I wasn’t hearing from God. Because I wasn’t listening to Him!

This is how it was revealed to me.  Finally, at around 3:30 in the morning, I felt a strong revelation in my heart. How can anyone see me for who I am, if I am not being me? I have slowly become something distorted, defensive and distant. The only way to find my way out is to be the vessel gushing with love, as I once was. I cannot be buried in daily stresses.

Now think about how being buried in whatever darkness satan uses on you, personally, could affect your entire life. If you are married, if you have children, work relationships, close relationships, if you have anyone that matters in your life, it would completely bind you up in chains of whatever deception satan keeps you busy with. LOVE is powerful! It is our only weapon against satan.

Ephesians 5 (New Living Translation) 1 Follow God's example in everything you do, because you are his dear children. 2 Live a life filled with love for others, following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins.

Imagine a time when you were so in love that it was overflowing, gushing and pouring out into everyone around you. THAT is who you are in Christ.

You have a living spring of never ending love inside you, because you are like Christ. Because the daily stresses, or whatever lies satan likes to tell you, are like dark debris that covers that living spring and obstructs your true self. This is the reason that we have so many problems in relationships. It is because we stop being who we truly are in Christ and we allow the world/satan to define us. How can anyone love me for who I am if I stopped being that reflection of love that they first saw?

Romans 12:21: Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Imagine why you felt all gushy with love. Realize the many reasons to be in love and grateful for who you are, where you are, what you are, what you have, your gifts, your family, your friendships, your spouse, your relationships… and go back to that feeling. Allow your defenses to drop and force the love to push past the debris and gush forward until you feel that love full force. Just like a dam that needed to be broken, you will force all the darkness out and bring a spring of living love to the surface of who you were meant to be. When that happens, immediately express it. In person, by touch and words, by email, phone, text… however you can express it, let it out. It will become so strong in you, again, that you will no longer fight to find it and feel it.

There. That is the lesson I learned last night. Thank you Jesus, thank you Lord for loving me right out of it.